Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

When I have thought about suicide @Anastasia I've thought I'd leave her a letter just so she knows how much I regret the way I acted. If I were to die I wouldn't want to leave it like this. I want her to know I haven't stopped thinking of her, that I miss her, that she saved me, that I was the biggest ass on the planet for not treating her better. I made so many mistakes. I was an ass. And maybe it doesn't matter if I've changed or how sorry I am, sometimes the damage we inflict on people is too great. I don't know. It wouldn't be fair to send her a letter like this I don't think, even though I want to. I just have been swallowing these feelings for a long time, felt like it was time to let it out somewhere

[saltandpepper]

I am also aware that my failing marriage is probably going to bring up those old wounds. I need to keep that in mind

[Anastasia]

I hear you. I'm the last person to give relationship advice @saltandpepper . My choices over the years have been horrific. 

Low self esteem and bad judge of character seems to attract NPD type 😔

I'm probably the last person that should be in a relationship really.

I think it's good you've let it out here.

It gives you an avenue to process it and make a decision on what you do. At the end of the day only you can decide what's best. Sometimes closure is necessary to be able to move on? Perhaps putting it here is closure enough? Only you'll know that. I know when I split from ex the months after I questioned everything. Mistakes, choices over the years, decisions I made that I shouldn't have, all torture but all part of the process I guess. 

[saltandpepper]

Yeah it makes sense I guess to. Question things now hey @Anastasia thanks for sharing your experience with me.

Relationships are hard work hey, I don't believe for a second you're not meant to be in one. Being single would be wasted on you, you've got too much love to give 💙

[greenpea]

@saltandpepperhugs and hugs my friend.

[saltandpepper]

Aw thanks @greenpea 🤗