Lived Experience Forum

[FrankyW84]

Hi @whatsinaname,

My diagnosis is pretty new as well. I have had episodes of depression and severe anxiety since high school. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression in 2005. Over that time I tried 3 different antidepressants which numbed the pain, but didn't do a real lot. After months of being extremely hyper(later diagnosed as hypomania) and then a major crash, I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed Bipolar type 2 about 2 months ago.

My biggest mistake was going to medical centres for scripts and not monitoring myself. It is lucky I went to a proper/regular doctor who recognised possible signs of Bipolar and talked me into going to the psychiatrist). 

I have had my struggles to accept the "label". For me it was almost like a grief process with "denial, anger, sadness etc". I still do not feel I have 100% moved through but much closer to the acceptance phase then I was. 

I believe @Upndownnupndown's diagnosis is fairly recent as well. My gift and curse is that I am a great actor and no one really noticed how much pain I was in as I had just learned to live with it and most people see me as extroverted, friendly, ambitous and hard working. 

Although this condition is quite new to me, my process of self care is:
Forming a circle of trust - people I am close to, who I can share what I am going through with
Regular exercise - ensuring I am doing activity every day, whether a gym workout, a run or even just a walk if I am not feeling motivated.
Eating Healthy - I eat a high protein, High (good) fat, high fibre(vegetable) diet and minimise simple carbs(sugar, chips, bread, pasta, cookies, cake etc)
Minimise alcohol, substances and nicotine(be lying if I said never, but havent drank, smoked or anything else in a month)

Work/life balance - monitoring and tracking my work hours so I don't let myself get overboard.
Sleep - consistent as possible.
Medication - taking it as prescribed.

Forums - chatting with you guys and everyone else on here. This helps me and also helps others

Other things I intend to do are:
Find a suitable psychologist and attend that regularly(currently attend a doctor and psychiatrist but not psycholgist
Support Group - I would love to find a face to face support group ideally for Bipolar 2, Mood disorders, general mental health etc.

I probably got a bit carried away with a response but hope that is helpful! In regards to DBT... googled it but not really familiar with it to be honest.

Regards,

Franky.

[Upndownnupndown]

Hi @FrankyW84 and @whatsinaname,

It has been good to see this thread of Franky's has become something that is providing connection to others with this life-long and little known problem, a source of information on how to better manage our symptoms as well as some understanding from people with a similar lived experience to us which is a lot better than "aaaww I knnowww" from people who really don't know (or sometimes even care to know) what it's actually like to live with bd2  *cue Sybal from "Faulty Towers" 😅

@whatsinaname Franky has hit the nail on the head re looking after his body with the right foods (no simple carbohydrates where possible, and a mixture of foods high in protein, dietary fibre (vegetables) and some complex carbohydrates) and some regular exercise as well as abstaining from drugs and alcohol. This is what is working for me as well so far. Bear in mind that I'm still in the early stages of coming to terms with what I have.

Over the past 6 weeks I've stopped buying bread and if I've eaten pasta, I've had a sauce high in protein and veggies included but with a minimal serve of the pasta itself.

I've eaten chunky lentil soup with some meat and plenty of veg pretty regularly and for breakfast mushrooms and some scrambled eggs. I prefer to cook myself as packaged foods have preservatives (and who knows what else) in them. It's amazing how our bodies get used to enjoying bad foods and then when giving them up, it feels like an addiction. 😅

For example I used to eat two pieces of toast for breaky and two in the hour or two before bed with peanut butter and the other with vegemite; well after I stopped buying bread, for the first couple of weeks, I was cranky at times due to always feeling hungry and whenever I would go to bed, I would be fantasizing about those two pieces of toast BADLY 🤣. Now I don't miss bread at all. I think that for bipolar people, a diet absent of simple carbohydrates and unnatural sugars (natural sugar in moderation as well) and some pretty regular light exercise e.g walking is what has helped me the most to try and get a consistent baseline mood to be able to work with which for a bipolar person is hard enough to find... ffs lol.

I'm yet to be diagnosed but to be honest, I don't see what good a diagnosis is going to do for me because I've tried medication in the past but it never helped me find that place called home (medication has its place in society though and has brought me back from hypermanic episodes before for which I'm grateful for). Given this and the fact that I see a clinical psychogist that doesn't prescribe medication, my gut feeling is that he has more of an idea of what is going on for me than I do. I just put my trust into him and am up front and honest about whatever he wants to know about my past, present and finally now I can write it, my future (secrets keep a person sick or in a rut or both) and in turn, he is helping me make sense of what has been such a turbulent and turmultious life. Considering what I've experienced/endured in my life, I have no doubt that I'm bipolar type 2. The challenge for me is going to be learning to grow in spite of it. 

Glad to hear that you're sleeping a bit better now @FrankyW84. Can relate to doing things to exess when badly hypermanic; spending money, exercise, drug use (pot mainly), sometimes rarely thank goodness, even unsafe sex with practical strangers etc.

This is why changing my food intake types to healthier ones has been instrumental in my moods starting to level out moreso and the troughs and peaks have been much less violent since adopting a better diet and some regular light exercise.

Sorry for the ramble everyone, I got a bit excited to see that we are all sharing our experience with this  gift/curse and wanted to share what has been working for me.

Being Bipolar has given me things that others don't know what it's like to possess, like to love life in all it's splendor so much that you think your heart may just give out... (when being hypermanic I've experienced this) to the lows; I've experienced a depressive psychosis that lasted for 13 months hence the curse reference. Generally it's regularly mixed moods for me with some glimmers of hypermania which are a refreshing break. Having said this I need to be careful not to take risks when in this state. Hopefully my diet will continue to keep improving the stability of my mind and moods.

Bye for now Franky and Kate ✌

this forum is proving to be more of a resource for connection to like minded people and interpersonal growth than I expected... so kudos to you all for sharing some of your journeys!! and btw Franky, the appreciation is mutual I can assure you👍

[Lauz]

Hi everyone, 

It is so great to see everyone sharing such helpful tips here! You have all shared in a way that really highlights what works for each of you and that although it may not work for everyone it can still be helpful. 

When talking about food - it's important to appreciate safety of directions around certain diets. I can certainly appreciate the effect healthy eating has on everyone, just when talking about narrowing down food types for instance be sure to consult a doctor or nutritionist if you aren't sure. This kind of thing is very much related to everyone's body type and bodies needs, so it's hard to predict outcomes 🙂 Everyone is sharing in a really safe and open way, from their own perspectives though which we really appreciate - just wanted to gently float by with this note.

Support and connection like this really show the wonderful warm that encompasses the forums! 🧡

[Upndownnupndown]

Hi @Lauz,

Sound advice you've given re consulting a GP or nutritionist if unsure about any concerns regarding changing one's dietary intake. 

Hello to you, I hope you're having a good day 😎

[FrankyW84]

Hi Guys - @Upndownnupndown @whatsinaname ,

Just thought I would see how the week has gone. I have had a busy one, with a lot of strategic planning for work which has been really beneficial.

Actually have been well this week. A little tired today as we had a team building activity last night, but overall went alright. Also had to deliver a presentation to some quite senior people in the organisation and performed fine and didnt feel an absolute emotional wreck doing it which was good.

Looking forward to a quiet weekend. I hope you both have had a good week and look forward to celebrating your highs and supporting you guys through the lows.

Speak soon.

Franky

[whatsinaname]

Hi @FrankyW84 and @Upndownnupndown ,

Thanks your thoughtful tips. I definitely agree that a healthy diet and exercise are key!

Great that you’re looking at study @Upndownnupndown - it takes a lot of courage to start something new, and I’m sure you’ll find it very rewarding.

And thanks for touching base @FrankyW84 - I can be a bit sporadic with messages, so appreciate it when people are on top of it! And great job with your presentation. Sounds like you managed your energy well.

Ive had an exciting week full of good things (job opportunities and friend catch-ups), and I often find that lots of good news makes me feel a bit ‘giddy’. Does anyone else get this? It’s like it feels so good I can’t quite handle it. Now days I try and breathe my way back down, and it usually passes after a few days. My nurse suggested it might be an anxiety response. Love to hear if anyone has experienced similar.

Kate

[Upndownnupndown]

Hi @FrankyW84 and @whatsinaname,

I admit that I was probably a bit hypermanic when I wrote my last response... I was a bit embarrassed until I figured that I'm corresponding to people who get it 😎😅

Franky, it sounds like you are on top of your game at the moment, congrats! I wish that when replying on this website, that we could see the thread as we type because it can be a challenge to remember exactly how many things need to be acknowledged and replied to ahaha.

[Upndownnupndown]

Hi @FrankyW84 and @whatsinaname,

I admit that I was probably a bit hypermanic when I wrote my last response... I was a bit embarrassed until I figured that I'm corresponding to people who get it 😎😅

Franky, it sounds like you are on top of your game at the moment, congrats! I wish that when replying on this website, that we could see the thread as we type because it can be a challenge to remember exactly how many things need to be acknowledged and replied to ahaha. It sounds like a quiet weekend will be a well deserved end to the week for you. It has been great to meet some other people who have similar struggles as I in just going about their day to day life. I also look forward to being able to celebrate people's achievements on this forum in spite of their diagnosis and offer whatever support I can through the low times, because as we know being bipolar, mood changes are never far away. Good luck to them lol.

@whatsinaname yes, I have experienced what you are talking about re feeling giddy after some good time with friends and too many good things happening. I believe that it is a mix of some hypermania but also with anxiety being a seperate issue occuring at the same time. That is what it is like for me when it happens anyway. I once started a new job and just this good fortune and interacting with new people that I wanted to be accepted by, led to what you described. For me it got almost too intense. It was horrible to be honest. I essentially ended up in a moderate hypermania for a couple of weeks for essentially nothing.

Having said all of this; I do believe that I've grown since those days. What I've learned about myself is that, I enjoy social interactions with people, but I also need to treat my mind with respect and compassion in the form of some quiet time following them, such as a walk with quiet accoustic music playing in my ears and some reading when I get home and have wound down a little, or if it is really bad, some or all of the above and some meditation. 10 minutes is usually all I would do. For me, any more that 15 minutes is counterproductive. The hard part is experiencing meditation in whatever mood or frame of mind that you are in, without expectations of how you should be feeling as you're doing it or on how you should feel when you've finished.

Also, congratulations Kate for your recent job opportunities hopefully you end up in a job that will assist you to continue growing as a person and not be a drain like some jobs can be. A large part of what determines this is how we perceive ourselves as we go about our day to day lives. Easier said than done when we are bipolar I know! A saving grace for people like us is that bipolar people are generally very capable people aside from our mood fluctuations.

Thank you for your kind words Kate in regards to my attempt to study this year. I'm both eager to commence in a few weeks and I'm also craping myself a little. I know that no amount of worry will have an effect on how well I do, but it will have an impact on how bad I may do. I also know that whatever the outcomes of my attempt will be, that I would rather use my energy in as useful way as possible. I've been reading up on assignment writing at university level and anything to help assist me. I will also be getting in touch with Student Services on campus as well as possibly starting a membership at the pool there to be able to swim which should help me keep my head focused instead of in anxiety. 

Yes, diet and exercise is becoming a real love affair for me lately. I'm not obsessing in either, just taking it all, a day at a time. I really believe that the healthy diet has stabilised my mood moreso than the regular light exercise has. I've not had as high a peaks or as low as my lows can be ever, so something is working.

Enjoy your weekend Franky and Kate and something to consider, contentment comes from self acceptance instead of self flagellation. We didn't do anything wrong to end up with this condition, so there is no need to be hard on ourselves. (again easier said than done) On the contrary; we did something right! We've lived to tell our tales and to find connection to other people that we can really relate to, well that's why I've stuck around through my hard times.

✌😎

[FrankyW84]

Hi @Upndownnupndown & @whatsinaname ,

Hope you are having a great weekend?

@Upndownnupndowntotally get it about trying to reply and not miss anything... I actually have what I am typing now in 1 tab and the previous posts in another lol. So true about the mood changes never being far away... I actually had a really hard day Friday and yesterday(Saturday) wasn't the best. This was triggered by something that had involved a fairly significant disappointment at work, so not sure whether to count that as being "depressed" or it is the natural reaction to that situation... maybe both lol.

Do not stress about being hypomanic... part of our symptoms. I also find at times I struggle to understand if I am hypomanic or just in a good mood. Usually my indicator is when it is my normal bed time I do not feel tired at all if I am hypomanic, where as if I am a good mood it does not require much effort to go to sleep.

@whatsinanameI get what you mean about feeling giddy. There is a fine line between being excited and hopeful and spilling into hypomania. In fact often when something really good happens, that is what can push me into that space. E.G. a new opportunity that requires a lot of work sends me into a spin of trying to work on it wherever possible to the point I go too hard and crash into depression. I am hoping with treatment this will lead to a more consistent "performance" professionally and also with my family and friends.

I actually have been using an app called e-moods. It essentially allows you to track days where you feel depressed, elevated, anxious, irritable etc on a scale of mild, moderate and severe. I am finding this very beneficial in seeing patterns. I am also please to see that with the treatment I am undergoing the severes are becoming less and less and there appears to be much more consistency in moods.

Hope you both enjoy your Sundays!

Regards,

Franky

[whatsinaname]

Hi @Upndownnupndown and @FrankyW84,

I've been enjoying a nice relaxed weekend, getting outside and doing yoga, and reading actual real-life books! I've actually been doing a bit of reading in philosophy, as I think often a lot of my anxiety which manifests as hypermania or just, well, anxiety, is to do with the high expectations that I have of myself. Kind of like what you're saying about self flagellation @Upndownnupndown. Speaking of which, try not to stress about your "performance" in your studies! 🙂 As someone who's done quite a bit of study, I've actually found that uni is a very accommodating space for people like us, as unlike a lot of jobs etc. you're able to postpone tasks and assignments until you're in a good headspace. There's always options for "special consideration", and universities offer free counselling and disability support - definitely something to tap into, as it could give you more flexibility in general. Also, I've noticed that universities are very keen for you to succeed, so they'll do everything they can to help you do that. Plus, I've noticed that you're very good at writing and conveying your ideas clearly, so that will be a huge strength to take in with you. You got this.

@FrankyW84 Your idea about replying in new tab is genius! I've been mostly using my phone to answer, but this is waaaaay better. Thank you! Sorry to hear you had a tough end to your week. It certainly is hard to tell the line between regular and bipolar responses.

I'm starting on a mood stabiliser next week, so like you I'm hoping that it will help to smooth out the moods. It's very reassuring to hear that you're having a good response to yours. The app you're talking about sounds great - I've used one of those before, but maybe I should start again so I can track the medication's effect more accurately. I've also been keeping a bit of a journal. Nothing too deep most of the time, but I'm actually find the act of writing down what I've done that day (even just in dot-points) quite soothing, and helps me see that I've actually done some good things even if I've been feeling crappy.

Hope you both have a good week! I'll be stepping into my new job so trying to keep the excitement at a manageable level. 

✌️