Lived Experience Forum

[Scarlet79]

Hi there,
I have a lengthy story to tell although I'm interested to hear from anybody else why is separated and/or with partner and because of severe post partum, has spent many nights away from the child (stays with my parents, not strangers), although have feelings of guilt. I love my 4 and a half year old to death although my experience during my pregnancy left me incredibly down, therefore have never connected with my child the way I should have. I didn't know that my depression could still have been affiliated with Postpartum Depression because my child is now nearly until I started doing some research and found that i well could be still affected by Postpartum...
Please I'm desperate to get somebody's feedback and/or anyone who has not been a part of the entirety of there child's life because of circumstances and Postnatal or Partum depression..
Am I the only one? Is this strange? I feel like a failure and that I have failed my daughter...

[Sahara]

Dear @Scarlet79,

of course you are not a failure. There are many different ways to be a loving, competent parent and leaving you child with your own parents is very common, even for those mothers who are not depressed.

I would just like to tag @PANDA and @Former-Member here, as they may have some specific advice about post-partum depression for you.

Depression before and after childbirth is relatively common in Australia and I think you will receive some very helpful replies from other members here. It is my understanding that the depression can continue for some time after the birth (even years), especially if it is not treated.... but I am no expert, I can only advise you here as a friend.

I have suffered from depression myself, but my experience was not related to having children. It was a very difficult time for me... I was lucky enough (or determined enough?) to find the right help.

Did you receive any treatment @Scarlet79? Are you seeing a psychologist? 

Please feel free to keep writing and sharing your feelings. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Scarlet79 - Thank you for writing this so honestly and openly. I really believe that many people go through this and because of fear and shame aren't able to reach out for support. I have struggled severely with depression for a long time and while i don't believe that mine was post partum but more a situational beginning perhaps as well as fuelled by PTSD.. I have had care of my children but ended up hospitalised for a month a few years ago and they stayed with friends (seperately because of ages and distance stuff)... I have continued to worry about everything to do with my MI and its effects on my kids... but I have also seen how adaptable kids are in so many ways and situations through my work and the many different ways that a family can function successfully even in the midst of difficulties.. I also blieve that in an amicably separated family both parents can be consistent and essential parts of the child's/children's lives without being present everyday... I would imagine it is somewhat similar in the situation you have where you are making choices for the best of your child and your health and your child has a village around them to support them. I'm a single mama and have a very difficult situation with my children's father that is hard to work through but try to make things as smooth as possible for the kids... Its hard...
I know this isnt the same as your situation but wanted to reply as you have put forth so much. I too would suggest PANDA as a resource base and possible support too. I hope that it helps to reach out here and hope that others are able to share their stories too, keep sharing if it helps. Take care

[PANDA]

Hi @Scarlet79,

Thanks for sharing part of your story here on the forum. It takes a lot of courage to seek help and I'm glad you have been able to reach out and be supported by others.

Here at PANDA we talk to many mums and dads who've had a difficult journey through pregnancy and early parenthood, which has meant they're not able to be connected to their child in the way they had hoped. We know that feelings of guilt and failure like you've described are really common, and that it can be tough to make sense of it all.

I can also hear how much you love your daughter and want to be there for her. You're welcome to give us a call here at the PANDA Helpline, or you might like to have a look at some of the stories written by parents on our website (www.panda.org.au). Another great resource is the Raising Children Network (http://raisingchildren.net.au) which has some helpful info and some specific online forums too.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best @Scarlet79.

 The PANDA team

Ph: 1300 726 306

Mon-Fri, 9am-7.30pm (AEDT)