Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mel07Mac]

My partner recently went to see a doctor as he has been experiencing PTSD symptoms. He has shared with me that he thinks they stemmed from the death of his sister when he was 22 (now 38) and also the trauma he experienced when he was a voluntary fire fighter of which he saw some terrible deaths and his life was at major risk. However when talking with the doctor, he was asked about his past in full which included the domestic abuse he suffered in his previous relationship for 10 years. The doctor explained that he believes the PTSD symptoms to be a result of the domestic violence he has suffered and has referred him to a specialist who is experienced in this area. My partner is most shocked and upset that his past relationship could be the cause of all the problems he is experiencing now (separated from ex 2 years ago). Has anyone else had loved ones or friends who have gone through this?

[Zahlia]

Hi @Mel07Mac 

Firstly, welcome to the forums! I'm really glad you found us here at SANE.

Wow, It sounds like your husband has been through quite a lot of terrible things over the years 😞
For people suffering with PTSD, it can be quite difficult to disclose or share aspects of their lives that give them the most grief and anxiety, so it shows that you must have quite a strong relationship for him to tell you his darkest moments. 

Is your partner going to see the specialist? 

This is a really supportive community of like-minded people who have similar experiences that can offer support & advice. There are quite a few posts around by carers who have partners with PTSD, I don't know if you have seen any of them (in the search bar in the carers forum, type 'PTSD' or 'post traumatic stress disorder')

For example, there is a really great thread here by @Used2Be who cares for a partner with PTSD due to military services. @kristin and @Brodie have also had expeirences of living with someone with PTSD and might be able to offer some insight.  

Make sure you look after yourself through this time @Mel07Mac

All the best,

Zahlia

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Mel07Mac

How are you? You are a very kind lady for caring for your partner like this. You are in the small percentage of the population who carries caring to finding information out.

Personally, I have experienced major PSTD from domestic violence, the father of my first husband. The swful thing of this is that; I never wanted to get medication or ........focus on that......I really only looked at it once I decided to marry my current partner ; and all this other stuff came up; I mean...lot sof it. 

I dont know if you can relate to this; I've been online on Sane Forums for a little while now; I acknowledge that I need a lot of support. I have had years and years of Psychotherapy ; but never in my life did I think that ........the past has .....been settled like it has in the past couple of years. 

Again, can you relate to this but as a woman; I find that the more care I allow myself to accept, the more .....baggage comes up and the more settled it becomes. Its like a healer......It's a little like what a forum member called @Chris has been writing.......

Hope to hear from you again,

PP

[Outlanderali]

Hi @Mel07Mac

Again, Welcome to the forums!!!

Just checking in to see if you have had a chance to check out any of the threads that @Zahlia mentioned. I've added them for you again at the bottom of this post, just in case you missed them.

Let us know how your going!

Thanks

Outlanderali

(there is a really great thread here by @Used2Be who cares for a partner with PTSD due to military services. @kristin and @Brodie have also had expeirences of living with someone with PTSD and might be able to offer some insight. )

[aristosane]

Good evening @Mel07Mac.  Your partner is very brave to realize that there is a problem and to seek help voluntarily.  I think that his focus shouldn't be so much on what caused the PTSD specifically but more on the fact that he can speak about everything and start to heal.  Some times there are lots of traumatic events in ones life (and that certainly sounds like the case for your partner) so to try and pinpoint the exact event or moment that has caused PTSD is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Trust me, I've wasted so much time and energy trying to do just that. 

My daughter suffers with PTSD due to being subjected to domestic violence by her father from a very young age, my twin sister Complex PTSD from childhood sexual abuse.  

You sound very supportive and understanding of your partner.  Keep strong both of you and I hope you find your healing

[PeppiPatty]

dear @aristosane

hear hear to your answer !!

Ive been looking at my long line of messages in Sane Forums and I see a trend in them; 

That I started....... wanting to solve everyone elses problems

and then...slowly, start writing about the now and here right now....in my own life....

Its a bit like what you are suggeesting for @Mel07Mac partner....."Speak about everything and start to heal" 

your a carer; also do not take your own position lightly; both twin sister and daughter. thats full on. 

I was never ever given any good stuff from my mother...similar to @lisajane

and she's way ahead of me........

How is your daughter?

How are you today?

Kindest hello from  PP

[aristosane]

Kindest hello back @PeppiPatty and thank you for asking how my daughter is, thank you for asking how I am... Today was a good day 🙂 

To be totally honest with you, I find it so much easier to give advise and to listen and care for others because this is the role I've had since I was a little girl.    

I really appreciate your post, thank you PP

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @aristosane and @Mel07Mac

Thankyou for your message; 

I never had any idea how much Sane forums would help me; 

There are some good good people online here, people like I've already mentioned and like ; @lisajane who is a great Mum.......@Appleblossom who is very clever and cares for her son. 

In the last say couple of months; I've really been dealing with something like WHY have I made the decisions I've made......

I think I'm getting an understanding on it......I dont think I ever thought I would ever make the decisions I have but........I'm beginning to see a .......pattern.

A; Why did I choose to fall in love with my husband who is Diagnosed as he is

B. Then, when I left him, Why did I wait around to see if he would fight his demons and quit illegal substance abuse and drinking to comw back.

He did quit........

Why did I write an email to my oldest son writing I hate how he takes advantage of my good nature and in a nutshell not use medication when his life could be so much more manageable. 

Thanks for the email, it's lovely hearing from you PPx

[aristosane]

@PeppiPatty I feel very blessed that you took the time to email me, and if you ever need to talk I am here.  I may not always have advise or know what to say but I will listen.  I totally agree with you - I have found solace in these Forums.  Never ever thought I would join something like this - especially after I went to a community organization 6 years ago (I won't mention names) to be told that my situation is to complex, that I should write a book or have someone make a movie of my life.

I know I've often been put in difficult situations where decision making makes or breaks... it is not easy! And some times I've felt so mentally and physically drained that I've lost my focus - but in that moment in time my only choice was to make a choice that might be or might not be judged at a later stage.  I'm guessing every single carer out there has felt guilt for decisions made and pondered on the WHY did I make that decision at that time.  

I admire every carer for giving so much of themselves and giving up so much in their lives.

PP you stuck around because you love your husband and expressing your emotions to your son is not a bad thing.  On Tuesday morning my daughter woke up agitated and her mood was low.  She became aggressive towards me and by evening we got into an argument about respect.  I went to my room to distance myself from the situation and when I checked on her a little later she was gone.  I spent the next three hours driving the streets, phoning A&E, driving the streets again, was about to call the cops when I saw her walking towards me tears streaming down her face.  I know that I probably should have avoided an argument and I felt so much guilt.  At the same time me and every other carer needs to also acknowledge that we are only human. 

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @aristosane

Hello how are you? Yes, I know exactly what your talking about  I used to have a GP for about 10 years.....she was so overwhelmed with my story that she used to talk about her own problems with me.........

She never told me that Disability was available to me and I worked massive hours for years as well. I dont regret this but it is how it is. 

She also didnt believe in antidepressants and I had to do my own research to get myself on some. I was doing the bullemia thing.....managing I dont know how but some bad things happened to me.  I then went to her after 6 months and directed her to put me up on them. 

It just made me realise that at the end of the day, ya gotta find your own support and your own needs....I'm enjoying reading your messages. I LOVE reading about your daughter!! WHAT A cool CHICK!

PP