Lived Experience Forum

[Lostboy72]

I am a 45 yr old male. I have had PTSD since i was 9. In that time i have been able to control it and not let it dictate who i am. Unfortunately about 5 yrs ago after a long surgery i awoke with my PTSD in full swing. My normal strategies have not worked. I am spiralling out of control. I currently have ptsd anxiety depression and to top it all off i was diagnosed with cancer before xmas and my relationship broke down after xmas when my tumour was removed. My kids dont seem interested in me and visiting is fleeting. My mother is in pallative care and my work is suffering. Its February and i want the year to be over already. I am secretly hoping my cancer wins and all of this pain is over. I am in counselling again and have been medicated but i do not feel i am recovering. I cant even remember what happy looks like anymore. Thought if i write it down i may be able to see some light and simplify my dramas. I feel so overwhelmed

[Former-Member]

So sorry to read of what you are going through @Lostboy72. I am not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed with the load you are under - most would. The feeling of being out of control would be at its heights. I think it will take time for your mind and emotions to reach an equilibrium after the traumas you have just faced. Please nurture and be kind to you for now, one day at a time.

 It would be hard for anyone to feel happy under your circumstances but to find some peace in the moment possible. Living only in the moment looking for any small Good and focus on it, savour it for as long as you can will give you some light, peace and reprieve from your pain. Living only for the now hanging onto hope. Knowing that with we will get through it somehow with the help of others one baby step at a time towards better days. Refusing to look back or too far forward. The latter is too hard for anyone to cope with and will lead to feeling overwhelmed. Moment by moment going with the flow for now. And please know you are not alone and others do care for you and the pain you are going through.

I can relate somewhat as my husband suffers cancer, my best friend is terminal with lung and hip cancer and my other friend just had his kidney removed due to a malignant tumour. It's hard.

Please keep nurturing the best you can those relationships that matter as that will help you and them to be stronger.

I am so glad you are in counselling again and receiving help through this very difficult time. Please keep reaching out. Hugs

[Lostboy72]

Thankyou -enigma- i believe what you say logically. I just cannot see it right now. I feel hopeless. I will try your advice. I have my second tumour surgery booked in for April so i havent completely given up. I know theres hope. Im not sure i want it though.

Thanks for replying thpugh. I do appreciate it

[Chamomile]

Hi @Lostboy72,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being courageous enough to share your story and feelings so candidly. I do think that openly sharing our feelings with others can take some of thier power and heaviness away. I hope that you will continue to receive support and empathy here from other members, and that thier solidarity might make you feel less alone in this.

We're here to help in any way that we can.

From C