Lived Experience Forum

[Techunique]

I went last night to check myself into a ward, but the hospital was very busy and I decided to leave after an hour and a half in the waiting room. Probably not the best idea I know, but I fear those places more than I fear prison. I don't know what Australian waqrds are like, but in America I have been hadcuffed to a wheelchair or bed for periods greater than 24 hours more than once, usually without food or water, how can I be confident they are "helping me" when that's the go to? I go in to Save My Life, they go in to Get A Paycheck so there's obviously some disparity. I wish I knew what the hell I need to get better.

On another note, now that I am not homeless for the first three months out of the last five years, I want to open a business. I want a food cart to peddle overpriced food to high-income areas in town so that I can spend three days a week giving away food to the homeless. How can I achieve that goal though? I spend at least one day a week in such miserable depression that I can't convince myself to leave bed, much less do anything that improves my mood, like helping people in need or cooking. It feels like I'm the definition of a Catch 22 situation, I want to help others and helping others makes me feel good, but I also often don't feel good enough that I Can help others and around the circle we go again. I'd be taking out a loan for thousands of dollars but most of that would be going towards my rotating stock of edibles and there's no way I could know before the day that I will be too depressed to work, so I would need to at least double my loan to have an "on-call chef" who would have to be able to drop everything to come into work at random, which is an unrealistic expectation too. I'm lost, I'm so lost I don't know what "found" is. 

[greenpea]

@Techunique Hi  again! Personally I am really happy that you walked out after an 1 1/2 (probably a sign you were not meant to be there ...) ... anyways you are sounding very positive with your ideas but maybe the key is get your meds right and everything else in order to take on your own small business.

Small business can be tough and demanding. Do your homework etc. but look after your health first then rest will come in good time.

[Queenie]

Hi @Techunique Australian wards are often difficult to get into too. They are often a band-aid on a broken leg scenario. They offer little chance for a 'cure' and often have almost a revolving door for some people (myself included). Clearly, services need to change. As @greenpea has mentioned, I am glad you decided not to stay after an hour and a half wait. I find some admissions to wards can be more destructive than healing.

Well done to you in identifying a clear goal with your food cart idea. I say do your research well and continue to strive towards your dreams. You might 'find' yourself and what you are looking for after all.

[Techunique]

I may have found a program to help with my business idea, I went to an AIM Center, I believe there's one in Australia as well. They have a Work Replacement program that will send someone in for you to make sure your job isn't imperrilled by your mental state, big weight off my mind. Thanks for the well-wishes all, I'm grateful to have some solidarity and support. I wish you all well too.