Lived Experience Forum

[Fireflyseeker]

@ShiningStar hi. So lovely to hear from you.

I do hope you are able to get back to your gp to discuss preventatives.

As to the 60 days no contact I am doing a break up course which prescribes this time frame.  It seems these break up courses are quite common in the US.  The course is supported by a forum which I find helpful.  But unfortunately none of it takes the pain away.  It's just something I have to go through.  I am now 30 days no contact but thoughts of contacting him are starting to creep in.  I have been very depressed this time round.  I have started taking some anti anxiety medication in the afternoons to help me cope. 

Thank you for your reassurance that it can take a while for things to shift with an eating disorder. 

I had a bad night last night where I woke up 6 times and ate junk each time.   Makes me feel like crap in the morning.   I had seemed to get some control over my night time eating for a few weeks but now that is gone again. 

Thank you for thinking of me and sending me hugs.   I appreciate it. 🙏 

[Fireflyseeker]

@ShiningStar sorry.  Forgot to reply to your question about how I've gotten my night time waking down.   It is just a combination of medication.   I take an anti psychotic, another medication this forum won't let me mention and a melatonin acting antidepressant.  

That seems to help most nights

[Fireflyseeker]

@Ugly_Trout I am sorry to hear of your struggles with night time eating.   I found out about nocturnal eating syndrome through Google  do you have a health care practitioner you can talk to about this? .

[Ugly_Trout]

@Fireflyseeker I'm going to ask my gp about it tomorrow. I'm meant to do a blood test but can never seem too fast for long enough. I'll also ask my new Psychologist. It can be any food really, but especially sweet stuff. I'm trying to substitute in fruit, but not quite the same...

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Fireflyseeker 

It’s so lovely to hear from you too 💜

Thank you so much 💜 Lately, I’ve had to prioritise a few other medical issues and as such, this particular conversation keeps falling even further down my list! Hopefully some of the other medical issues will settle down soon and I’ll be able to revisit this 😊 Fortunately, my GP prescribed a medication that reduces the intensity of the pain within a relatively short period of time and so thankfully, I have something that I can take when I become unwell 😊

That’s wonderful that you’ve found an online program! Just from what you’ve described, it sounds incredibly well structured and I love how there’s an online forum where you can connect with other people and receive some additional support 💜

Absolutely 💜 Although the opportunity to connect with people who share similar experiences to our own, can provide a level of emotional support and comfort, so very often, this alone doesn’t ease the pain associated with the loss of a relationship 💜 As such, I can still remember the times in my life when the pain that I felt was so intense, I didn’t know where to put myself 💜

Wow! Resisting the urge to contact your former partner for a period of thirty days is amazing and I’m so proud of you! As I listened to this part of your story, I got the sense that perhaps something else was happening for you, as you shared that you’ve been ‘feeling depressed this time around.’ As such, I just ever so gently wondered if there’s anything in particular that has contributed to this?

It was my pleasure 💜 In my experience, living with an eating disorder is one of the hardest challenges that I’ve ever had to face and as such, I just ever so gently wanted to say that I’ll be here cheering you on with my pink and purple pom poms (these are my two favourite colours) as you work towards making the changes that are important and meaningful to you 💜

Although I’ve made some progress, I still have days when I feel stuck, despondent and hopeless in relation to my recovery. It’s during these moments that I gently remind myself that recovery is never a linear journey and as such, we can often find ourselves taking a step forwards, backwards or sideways and there may also be days when we feel as though we’re treading water or standing still 💜 Although the ‘dance of recovery’ is never easy, I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that it’s a dance that so many people who are living with complex mental health conditions do on a regular basis!

Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I’m so deeply sorry to hear that you had a ‘bad night’ and as such, I can really appreciate how what happened has resulted in you feeling like ‘crap’ the following morning.

It can be absolutely soul destroying when we feel as though we’re finally beginning to turn a corner and then something happens to change this.

As I listened to this part of your story, it reminded me about some of my experiences. For example, a few months ago, after my therapy appointment, I swung by my local shopping centre to purchase a few groceries. Although I knew exactly what I needed, as soon as I walked through the door, my mental list suddenly went out the window!

As such, I found myself making a beeline for the bakery department and I began loading up my basket with various sweet treats! It was in that moment that I felt completely out of control and so incredibly guilty, as I’d been working so hard to change some of my behaviours and yet here I was, in some sort of frenzied state loading up my basket with baked goods!

I felt such a deep sense of shame and failure in relation to what had happened and as such, I can still remember berating and cursing myself as I drove home!

However, as I reflected on what happened, I began to realise that my behaviour wasn’t because I was ‘useless’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘lacked willpower’ it was because I’d been triggered by something that happened during my therapy appointment 💜

As such, I’ve been trying to reframe these moments, so that instead of punishing myself for what’s happened, I’m learning how to recognise these moments as a type of ‘warning system’ that’s alerting me to the fact that something really important is happening for me 💜 I’ve also started to share these moments with my Therapist and as such, I’m slowly beginning to understand some of the issues that are contributing to my disordered eating 💜

Thank you so much for sharing some of the things that have been helping you to reduce the number of times that you wake throughout the night 💜 Please don’t worry that you weren’t able to share further - I completely understand some of the limitations in relation to conversations pertaining to medication 😊

Please know that I’m still thinking about you and sending you some very gentle and healing hugs during such a difficult time 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Fireflyseeker]

Hi @ShiningStar ,

How are you?  I'm sorry my reply is so very late.  It just slipped my mind

That is good you have something to help with the pain.  And hopefully you've since had a chance to talk to your GP.

I ended up going 41 days with no contact with my ex.  By that time I was a real mess.  So very depressed.  So I reached out to him and we have been back together since then.  But we are breaking up again this week.  I don't know if I will be able to go no contact at all though.  I am still undecided what I will do.

My night time eating Issues are as bad as they've ever been.  And I am very distressed about it.  I continue to try different medications with my psychiatrist.   And continue to see the EDQ practitioner but nothing is helping.

I hope this message finds you well.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Fireflyseeker ,

Thank you for reaching out.  I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time.  It seems like things are pretty up and down with your partner at the moment.  Breakups are hard, particularly with no contact.  It can be tough when you have someone that's a constant in your life and then there's just silence.

I also can relate to the feelings of eating late at night when I am stressed.  It can be on overwhelming feeling, especially when other things in your life feel so hard at the same time.

Please know that if you feel you need any extra support the SANE Support Centre is available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday.  We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support your via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat. 

The Butterfly Foundation may also be an option.  They provide free counselling, information and referral for people living with eating disorders or body images and related experiences from 8am to midnight.  Their number is 1800 33 4673.  

I wish you all the best, take care and know we are here for you.

FloatingFeather

[Fireflyseeker]

@FloatingFeather 

Hi and thank you for your reply.  Yes, my relationship has been up and down.  I have recently started no contact again.

Thank you for letting me know about the support lines.  That's very helpful.   I have used the Butterfly foundation once before.

Once again thank you for reaching out to me.  It is wonderful to know that people do care.

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Fireflyseeker 

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

Please don’t worry 💜 It’s so easy for things to slip our minds - especially when we’re busy and so much of our time and energy goes into trying to survive and keep our heads above the water 💜

I’m so deeply sorry for the amount of time that it has taken for me to be able to reach back to you 💜

A few months ago in April, everything suddenly came crashing down around me and I found myself in a really dark place. At first, I thought that a few weeks would be enough time for me to be able to work through things. However, it wasn’t long before I realised that I’d completely misjudged the situation and that it was going to take me so much longer to be able to work through everything that was happening for me.  Although I still have my good and not so good days, I’m definitely in a much better place than I was a few months ago and as such, today is my first day back to the forums 💜

Oh Wow! Forty-one days without contacting your ex is incredible and I just wanted to take a moment to say what an amazing achievement!

The period of separation sounds absolutely excruciating and as such, I can really appreciate how this took such a terrible toll on your mental health 💜

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve recently separated again and as I listened to this part of your story, it’s absolutely no wonder that you’re feeling so torn and undecided about what to do 💜

Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I’m so sorry that your night time eating has been as bad as ever and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling so distressed about this 💜 In my experience, sitting with feelings of distress and despair can be utterly unbearable and my heart goes out to you 💜

As I listened to some of the things that have been happening for you, I can really hear how hard it is to hold onto any sense of hope that things will change and that you’ll be able to find some relief from the emotional pain and distress that you’re currently experiencing 💜

Although it was some years ago now, I can still vividly remember the time in my life when I first became unwell and how terrified I felt that my life was all but over and that things would never change. However, in time and with the appropriate care and support, glimmers of light began to shine through the darkness and slowly things began to change 💜

As I sat here thinking about you and what you’ve shared with me, I just ever so gently wondered if you’ve had the opportunity to share some of your concerns with your Psychiatrist and your practitioner from Eating Disorders Queensland?

Please know that I’m thinking of you at such a difficult time in your life and sending you as many nurturing and healing hugs as I can 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Fireflyseeker]

Hi @ShiningStar ,

So good to hear from you. Sorry to hear of your struggles but I am glad you are having some better days now. And welcome back to the forums.

I am still trying to break away from my ex permanently.   I am currently I  a period of no contact again.  It has been 19 days since we last had contact.  It has helped that I have been on leave from work so I haven't had to see him. But tmrw I am back at work.  I even went and got a tattoo on my wrist to try and help me to stay away from him.  It is the start of the serenity prayer "grant me the serenity..."

But this time I am in a better position than last time as my psychiatrist put me on another antidepressant and this seems to be helping.

But nothing is helping with my sleep. I wake up 5 to 7 times a night and eat.  My pants have gotten tight and I am very unhappy in my body.  I only have a couple of sessions left with EDQ. I have had 22 sessions and nothing has improved for me.

My psychiatrist hasn't been helping either apart from the antidepressant. I have cancelled my last 2 appointments as it is so costly and I'm not getting anything out of it.   My next appointment isn't until January. 

So I am feeling pretty hopeless and scared I will keep getting bigger.

I hope my self pity doesn't bring you down.

And I hope that your good days are getting more and the not so good days, less. Xx