Lived Experience Forum

[Missy862]

Good Morning,

Ive recently become sick in the past 12 month. What started as depression (psychotic or melancholic depending on the Dr I saw) turned into constant debilitating panic attacks, then impressive anxiety and an eventual diagnosis of Bipolar II.

It's so strange for me, as before these past months I was social, had friends, was ridiculously energetic and optimistic, then now, Im lile a different person..

Sometimes I think the diagnosis sounds right, and othertimes I'm not so sure.

When I was sick (5 weeks hospital) I had isolated myself so much, that when I had strong suicidal thouggts, I reached out to friends in the time, who yes spoke to me in the moment, however never checked in again in the coming days or weeks at all. Which just makes me feel stupid and completely alone.

My Drs think that with the work i did (now cant do anymore) the amount of prolonged stress and genetic vulnerability switched on the bipolar...

I definitely feel at the very least something broke in my brain.

I am up and down so fast it is ridiculous. . Whe  I'm happy I dont feel "hypermanic" as I used to be so positive and active, but I do have extremely clear ideas which I think are the best and I go over the top with them... the  after a week I can't be bothered with it.

My brother is telling my mum that I shouldn't be encouraged with the ideas I come up with... 

I don't know. I just dont get any of it. 

[Hope4me]

Hello and welcome to Sane @Missy862 🖐

I don't have BP, but I know what it's like to have a broken brain I can assure you. You're in good company on these forums. :ok_hand:😊 There's places for seriousness like this thread, and some for playful relief from 'thinking' too much. I'm sure you know what I mean yeah?

The main focus is on healing your wounded mind and gaining back some of that old you, while creating a new and better version, equipped to survive some of those confronting aspects of your current life.

Keep talking and venting as this is really therapeutic ok. I pop in a few times each day and will check in if you tag me. (Press @ and a drop down menu will provide usernames to choose from. If the name you want isn't there, type a few letters and it'll hopefully appear for you to press)

Take care ok. Looking forward to hearing from you;

Hope 

[eth]

Hi @Missy862  and welcome to the forums.  It's great that you've found us.

I have bipolar 1 and was diagnosed 9 years ago at the age of 46.  My history of depressions and hypomania/manias is long now that I look back on my life.  After being diagnosed I went through a lot of what you describe here.  

These days I'm a lot more stable - it's a combination of learning to identify triggers, to  manage and particularly see when things are changing/swinging from one mood to another  (I keep charts of mood, sleep, anxiety, irritability and meds taken daily which was recommended by my pdoc),  keeping away from triggers and a balance of medications that seem to be working well for me at last, and having a good team of health professionals (GP, psychologist and pschiatrist) who communicate with each other.  

So - you are not alone

    - You are welcome to tag me anytime if you want to talk more.

[Missy862]

I think I'm starting to sink more into the depression side (sleeping 4 hours a day when normally busy). I mentioned it to my mum and she said I need to get myself out of it, as I'm the only one that can help myself. She's probably right,  but I'm just so damn exhausted at the moment. I go to bed early, and take the dog for a walk at 630, but when I get back I fall asleep on the lounge. Oops. I hope it doesn't get worse like I did in June

[FrankyW84]

Hi @Missy862,

I have recently gone through a similar situation. After battling periods of being extremely anxious, irritable and "sped up" with periods of depression I also was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2.

I am sorry to hear that a number of your friends have not followed up with you. It is disappointing, but it could be for a number of reasons, most likely it is due to a lack of understanding of the situation(not necessarily that they do not care)

It is very confusing and completely normal to question the diagnosis. For me being able to talk about it as helped. This has been a combination of social circles, my psychiatrist, my doctor and also this forum.

Although I havent tried it at this stage there are also a number of support groups available that may help your situation.

The way I look at it, we have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Regardless of whether that is physical or mental health related there is an element of a  loss/grief type process I have gone through. Although I cannot speak for you it is possible you are going through the same thing.

With the treatment I have been going through, I feel there has been a big improvment. Although it may not feel like it to you at the moment, this illness is very treatable and it does get better.

I hope this adds some value to you and please let me know if you have any other questions.

Regards,

Franky

[Missy862]

@FrankyW84

Is it normal to still go up and down, even on medication?

[FrankyW84]

Hi @Missy862,

I can only respond to my own experiences and for me yes. I have slowly increased my medication and was certainly for that 6 weeks. I seem to be ok now.

I exercise regularly and eat very healthy. I also made the decision to cut out alcohol(trialling short term and see how we go). The alcohol part is hard, from a "peer pressure" perspective. I work in a fast paced industry where it is almost expected you drink at social events. Friends have been incredibly supportive.

I don't think the medication will completely cure everything, but it minimises the fluctuations and severity. To speculate, I find I still feel a bit crappy as I am still accepting the diagnosis which has hit my confidence.

I do not want to speculate for you as everyone is different, but make sure you are seeing a professional regularly so you can review treatment.

I hope this helps Missy and never be afraid to ask for help and speak up if something is not working.

Franky

[gi2020]

I kind of feeling the same it is be a little longer but still did not get used to it.  Lets listen the more exprerienced plus our doctors to find a better way,

All the best.!