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Vigilisque
New Contributor

New sole carer to mother and sister

Hi everyone! I'm very overwhelmed at the moment so I hope this post makes sense! I hope my post doesn't come across as complaining about helping my family, I'm really happy to support them, just not sure how to do all the things that need doing!

 

A few weeks ago my parents went through an extremely messy breakup, which has resulted in my mum entering into what the hospital has called an acute mental health crisis. She didn't eat or drink for days then attempted suicide and I've had to call for emergency services several times afterwards to prevent further attempts. The hospital chose not to admit her after the attempt as there were no beds available in our local hospital. As such I've become her carer, at least for the time being as she is really struggling. This also means that I've taken on the care for my younger sister who also has many serious MI as well as autism and requires a carer. We are still trying to get NDIS so for the moment can't access services through them. 

 

My father has seemingly vanished in the wake of all this and therefore the financial situation has been left to me as well. I'm working full-time in a high workload and high stress job to try to support two households (mine and mum's) and I'm getting more burnt out by the minute. Thankfully mum has become slightly more stable now so she has been cleared to be at home while I'm at work, as long as I call several times a day to make sure she's okay.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions for managing the mental load of all of this and making things work? I want to support my family so much, but I have my own major MI that I need to keep in check otherwise I'll be completely useless to both of them.

 

Thanks! 

V.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: New sole carer to mother and sister

Yikes @Vigilisque 

That is some heavy stuff you are dealing with. How old are your Mum & sister? 

 

Can I suggest that you get in touch with the social worker on the mental health team as they might be able to help you on relation to any help your mum or your sister might be able to access from Centrelink. They might also know of local charities that might be able to help too.

 

The Carer Gateway had a number of free support services that you may also be able to access (including carer focused counseling).

 

Can I also stress the importance of you to lean into your own mental health supports, you might be wise to get some extra counseling to help you through this period.

 

There are also a number of mental health support services that might be able to help your Mum and sister too (you may already be aware of these, but if not I am happy to send a list if you let me know what state you are in).

 

Having the love, care and support of family does lead to better outcomes, however this needs to be done in a healthy way, encouraging best practice so that as soon as practical, they can take responsibility for looking after themselves, time is a factor in this and as Mum gets better and NDIS is hopefully approved that will take the pressure off you.

 

Encouraging Mum to see a counselor or therapist who is qualified to help might be part of this if she is not already seeing someone.  I have learnt to say  "is that something you could speak with your therapist/ counselor about?" rather than try and offer solutions.

 

Re: New sole carer to mother and sister

Thanks for your reply Darcy! Mum's in her late 40s and my sister's 23.

 

In the last day or so we've been able to get better centrelink payments for mum. My sister is on disability pension so that's already fine.

 

I'll definitely look at the carer gateway though, thank you. I've been scrambling to try and find a new psychologist to connect with for myself but unfortunately there aren't many near me, and those that are that I've found so far either specialise in areas that don't suit my needs, are booked out for months or I've already seen before and don't feel comfortable with. So tricky! My GP is looking too so fingers crossed.

 

My sister is thankfully extremely well networked with a team of people and mum is accessing outpatient services through telehealth.

 

It's just hard because if I'm not at work she wants me all the time. I feel really guilty even going to bed earlier than her. Like last night I'd been awake so long I was dizzy and nauseous yet still felt bad leaving for bed, let along doing something just for a break.

 

I've actually told the acute care hospital team that I don't feel capable of providing the level of care she seems to need right now and they basically said too bad we can't help and gave me lifeline's number. Lifeline is a fantastic service for immediate support but they aren't a solution to a long term sustained stressor like this.

I'm not sure where else to go from there. 

 

 

Re: New sole carer to mother and sister

@Vigilisque 

Sadly public hospital services are stretched and carer support often lacking - what state are you in? I will send you a list of support organisations.

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