Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hi all

HNY 18 - whatever that actually means.

Although, I do certainly wish everyone the best for the coming year - afterall we can all regard it as a big chance to just act like we are 18 again and stuff the toxics in our lives. Wouldn't that be a wonderful experience to just completely and totally own. For me , no chance and probably for most of us here..

 I am currently reflecting upon the "hope"that new meds and diagnosis gave me. Yep the quick fix and you will be all normal and able to jump off tall buildings in your blue undies and fly (as per previous posts)  I just hat that it isn't true. I am still so fragile and cannot cope with the husband's PA behviours, after a good day - yelled at and reduced to tears. All of the suffocation resurfaces and I again recognise the sheer horror of my reality. Last night, although I slept poorly, I managed to awaken from another nightmare, vivid and being shot. What the? And why? There are no conscious correlations I can recall - just another round. (literally)

How do you ever come to terms with the fact that this is for ever, it so hurts to even consider it. I am me and not OK regardless of all the wonderful platitudes regarding recovery we are currently receiving. Just more service economising at the Federal and State levels.

Trying to keep going with a MH disorder has exposed me to workplace destruction and the ultimate in discrimination - no likely future employment, loss of multiple friends and a nasty husband. 

What more could anyone want?

Bast (In loving memory) and Odin

[esprit]

❤️

[utopia]

Thinking of you @Bast. No easy answers.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Bast 

I'm a bit late to say Happy New Year . . . so . . . Happy Year 😄

Ahhhhh, I remember the 10 ft tall & bullet proof youth of my past {well, to be honest I really only remember tiny snatches of it here & there ;)}

I think reflecting on hope is a very positive thing, no matter what the circumstances. Even if it's whilst accepting the reality of no fix, never loan 'the quick fix'. How about this for a theory:- there's actually nothing wrong with anyone who suffers 'Mental Illness', they are simply using individual biological processing. Some people's 'processing' doesn't fit in to the rules of the general population, no matter how many times they're told 'this is the best solution for the circumstances' they see the bigger picture; they see the destructive, dark & dismal reactions & responses on a much bigger scale.

Sounds a bit like you interpreted your own dream there, don't know if you realized that; but I think that could be what it was all about {the shooting dream} - that feeling of being targeted for pain.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am me, I believe childhood trauma changed how my body & brain formed . . . but I am still me & I am a worthwhile living being - & for what it's worth, I believe you are a worthwhile living being

I think experiencing life exposes each & every living being to destruction, discrimination & discomfort on all levels. I guess that's what I think living is all about, guiding yourself into the most constructive, contented and comfortable position that you can get to

Don't give up Bastless  

I actually just wanted to make a useless, pretty random comment really; & tell you that my 1st large breed dog, a Dane Wolfhound cross, I named after the Chief Viking God Odin 😉 He nearly lost an eye like him too, though it had absolutely nothing to do with wisdom . . . well . . . . maybe the lack of it 🙂 He was chasing a roo or rabbit with such focus he ran right into a sharp stick . . . eye first! XI A couple of stitches & a couple of weeks & he was very lucky, the eye was fine 🙂 That was a long time ago! I've had 1/2 a doz Dane, Dane crosses since then 😉 When I was younger I would always have a pair, de-sexed but company for each other 🙂 I have an American Staffordshire Terrier {& a maltese cross, & a domestic shorthaired grey tabby & white [he's actually my olderst friend, over a decade together, since he was 3 weeks old! ]} now, possibly 1/2 the size & weight . . & twice the strength & speed ?!? XD 😄 ;D {that might be an exageration;)}

I've got a plain cardboard box here, I've scribbled a few hearts on it to give everyone the idea that there's love inside. I'm also sending a little message with this box, that love doesn't have to be fancy, or even particularly strong or substantial . . . just there & freely available

Please feel free to take some Bastless, I've left it here especially for you

But it's so over-flowing that there's plenty for all that may pass by 😉

Niqua

[Chamomile]

Hi @Bast,

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Like @Former-Member I'm a few weeks late to reply to this post but wondering, how is the new year tracking for you? I can see that you're struggling to picture a future right now and thought you might find some of these threads about 'recovery' helpful. Managing life with a MH looks different to everyone. I hope some of the stories shared by other members in these threads might provide hope, ideas and a sense that you are not alone in this.