Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Littletink_]

Hi guys. I just really need to vent this morning.
My partner who I care for has Bipolar Type 2. I am beginning to get really frustrated and I’m trying my best not to. She isn’t interested in having a sleeping routine, eating healthier..she basically isn’t interested in doing anything good for her illness or to help aid it. I just don’t know what else to do. I’m getting a little fed up. She is pretty capable it’s like she just doesn’t want to. What else can I do but encourage her to do good things? And sound like a broken record in the process. I don’t want to push her or be a nag. It’s so hard. Help

[Littletink_]

I don’t want to sound mean. But I have been patient and understanding for so long. And I’m trying my best. I just hate to watch her waste her days away. I do everything for her and it really needs to change like I am absolutely still here to help in whatever way I can but I can’t do everything.. I just can’t

[Appleblossom]

Hearing you @Littletink_

I never wanted to sound like a nag or broken record as a parent, but as a partner it feels even worse.

I would be looking around at information about boundaries and carers burnout and also about adults taking responsiblity.

Hope things take a change, unfortunately if people are over catered to, they can take advantage.

Be more firm about your needs in the realtionship for a while and detach a little from the things that are truly her responsibility.

I did see an incident on the train when a young man "got angry" at a young woman woman hoeing into a bag of hot chips.  Initially he might be deemed to be in the wrong, but then it also seemed as if he was close to her and frustrated at her inability to help herself. Yes it is hard for people to change habits, but they do change ... it is just that we dont know in which direction ... or when ...

Good Luck

[Lunar]

Hello @Littletink_

Firstly, thank you for sharing your experiences, you are in no way mean. You are trying your best in caring for your partner and you desperation comes from caring for her because it is painful seeing her struggling with her mental health.

It is very important for you to also seek support and care for this as you don't want to burn yourself out, if you are burnt out you are of no use to her and the support that you give her. Your priority is looking after yourself and then supporting her, just like the oxygen masks on an aeroplane, you fit yours first and then you are of more help to those more vulnerable than you.

There are some other members who have partners with Bipolar, their threads might be helpful for you to read through:

@Ant1 started a great thread about Bipolar Denial as well as @Megan who started a helpful thread about their Bipolar Husband

There is also Bipolar Caregivers, who can offer you additional support:

Bipolar Caregivers
www.bipolarcaregivers.org/
Aim is to make bipolarcaregivers.org a useful, easily accessible information website for caregivers of people with bipolar disorder. On this website you will find information and suggestions for caregivers (and consumers) about:

• What is bipolar and how it is treated and managed.
• Ways to help a person with bipolar disorder who is 18 years or over.
• Ways caregivers can take care of themselves, deal with the bipolar disorder and the personal impact it has on them.

I hope these help a little,

Lunar

[Former-Member]

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@Littletink_ wrote:
I don’t want to sound mean. But I have been patient and understanding for so long. And I’m trying my best. I just hate to watch her waste her days away. I do everything for her and it really needs to change like I am absolutely still here to help in whatever way I can but I can’t do everything.. I just can’t

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Hello dear @Littletink_

You gave the answer yourself - needing to change doing everything for her. That is the big mistake I once made myself. From experience with caring from my daughter who suffers bi-polar and BPD, I would think about taking a huge step back by letting your partner do most things within reason for herself (don't give in), as while we are doing everything formthem they won't bother to help themselves. Unfortunately human nature can tend to take advantage or take things for granted which does not help them.  I think you now realise it is time to step back and let them your partner take reasonable responsibility for her own life and the consequences or healing/growth/maturity and inner fortitude won't happen in my experience. A relationship is a two way street, sick or not.

What would she do if you were not there anymore heaven forbid? A lot of mentally ill people live alone and learn to cope.

My Daughter now works full time, takes responsibility for her actions and is moving out on her own soon. She had a total mental breakdown/suicide attempt last year. She has finally taken steps forward as she learnt we were not going to relent or enable. Tough love can work wonders in some circumstances. Let us know how you go.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Littletink_

how are you today

[Littletink_]

Yes I do agree @Former-Member but I am lost on where to start. Like do I just stop doing things for her and watch her spiral when she realises the things that needed to be done for herself haven’t been done? I guess I don’t want her to have an episode because when she gets stressed it very much triggers one

[Littletink_]

She is absolutely capable of doing a lot of things for herself she just doesn’t. She probably just expects me to do them because I have been

[Former-Member]

@Littletink_
Does your partner have a case worker? If so have you started work on a relapse prevention plan or a wellness plan. They can help encourage your partner to start going things and set goals in relation to tasks and sleeping. It is important that these lifestyle issues are addressed. If her case worker is not going these things, I would ask them to at your next appointment. This is a good starting point and can give you leverage at home as to encouraging your partner to complete the assigned tasks.

[Former-Member]

Sorry going = doing