Lived Experience Forum

[MaryMahem]

Hi @Soulless,

It has been just over 2 weeks and I am 2/3s of the way through my treatment.  Other than a mild headache most days I have had no other side effects.

I am pleased to report I am feeling better.  I am not crying everyday, the weight of hopelessness has lessened and I feel I can think a bit more clearly.  I am not cured, I am not happy but there is a definate improvement in mood and thought.  It may be wishful thinking or the placebo effect as everyone who knows me wants this to go well but I don't mind why I'm feeling better, just that I am.

My psychiartrist said not to expect to be happy if happy is not a state I generally feel.  I may still need medication and defiantely still need therapy, but it's like getting a jump start, almost literally!

I will update when I have completed treatment and left care.  Thanks to all of you who have shown interest, it has made me feel the experience can be helpful for others even if it wasn't to have worked for myself.

[Soulless]

Hi Mary,

I am very happy for you to see an improvement. There is nothing better then having a little hope from trying an different alternative.

I guess you just have to go with the flow with no expectation and not expect an instant cure.

[Soulless]

Mary,

I have experienced PTSD 6 years ago in October 2011 after being a victim of crime. A drive by shooting of 20 bullets going through my front window.

I wasnt injured as I was sleeping in the second room. I was losing my mother to cancer at the time so I couldn't process what happened. I didn't have support from the police or from friends or family.

I had to try to hide the fact that this happened to me as I wanted to focus on my mother maybe getting better.

At the time, I had to deal with my husbands anxiety of it all.

My whole life I grew up in the street , worked hard to renovate my home. My sense of security went that night.

I was numb and shocked and then I had more onset of PTSD after I lost my mother and had family issues.

I was a walking time bomb.

(My childhood has not been normal, I grew up with a disabled brother and helped be his second caretaker before the support system that is now in place, I was bullied, my brother was physical and verbally abusive to me , my dad was strict and would belt us children if we didn't comply with household rules, I never had emotional support as a child, grew up in a very religious group that didn't support ones growth and development as they wanted one to devote their time to the church)

I seen the top nsw state of ptsd trauma and they said which one do I need to work on. For me it was the shooting as I never got closure from it.

I had two kids at the time of the shooting and had my third after. So being a mum and having ptsd , I was lost deeper.

I got told not to move out by my psychologist , and thought yeah they are right. While I was in therapy with them , part of the treatment , they made me relive the trauma and encouraged my heart rate by exercise to go up.

It didn't help me much at all, just made me get angry and helpless.

All this went on from up 2015. 2016 I needed to move. So I did even though it meant leaving my home and renting else where.

It wasn't until I was out of the area and home that I actually realised what I went through. All the years that I stayed living in my house where impact and crime happened, I never cried and was numb.

When I moved I just was like wow what do I do now.
I learnt to start walking the street and not having to be on guard.

I moved to a place where I was surrounded by nature and natural wildlife and birds and animals.

2 Things happened when I moved that triggered my trauma , I was a victim of online bullying that made me shut down again.

But then I came across and heard about cbd marijuana oil without the thc and got it from a special place that make it.

When I took it, it helped me so much. It didn't make me high, but it stopped the overthing, it stopped the ptsd of being on alert.

For the first time I was able to give my poor brain a rest from ptsd and the onset of it opening every memory and trigger like a domino that didn't stop but kept going.

So my conclusion is that Marijuana CBD Oil works so much, along living with nature.

I've never been a smoker or drinker and so I never ever turned to and substance while through ptsd.

I created a new routine of exercise and being with nature and close to the beach helped me heal as well as with the Marijuana oil.

I only took the oil when I needed it and I found I didn't need it much at all.

I had to move back to my old house of where the shooting occurred and I'm a mess.

I'm like a zombie from the memory of the trauma. I get triggered so bad. My husband isn't helping with my trauma cause he doesn't understand. I've just gone backwards living here.

Because of the Australian government I can't buy they cbd oil anymore. My dr prescribed me some meds but my pharmacist doesn't want me to take it as it has health side affects.

I'm seeing a reiki kinesiologist healer and she is helping but it takes time. When I see her I do feel 20 times better then I would when I see a psychologist.

I have made the decision to seperate from my husband and go back and live where I can heal. I will be living a simple life and have not much money left over but I know I will have my sanity and mental health back.

Also I'm a Vegan. I found eating more fresh plant based foods help me and less processed food.

Thought I'd share my experience.

I pray we all can heal and we find light and love to be entered through our pain and trauma.

Soulless Dee

[MaryMahem]

Thanks for sharing your story @Soulless.  You have been through a lot and have some good ideas for treatment.  I have heard marijuana oil has been helpful for other people and would be interested in trying it as it doens't seem to have the side affects of pharmaceuticals, but that will have to wait until it becomes legalised.  What I took from your story and the story of others is to keep trying new treatments.  Every treatment effects people differently and what works for someone else may not work for you.  It's a bit of a gamble but worth the effort to find the right treatment for you.

[1hopeful]

Hello,

i was wondered about your TMS TREATMENT and how it turned out. Did it help your depression/ ptsd at all? I'm trying to find best treatment options for my daughter who is 16 but I know she is not old enough yet to do this. I think you have to be 18? She is currently in wilderness therapy in Idaho. It breaks out hearts but she was having suicidal thoughts and we had to unplug her from society/ computer/phone. I would so appreciate an update from you! Thank you an I hope you are doing well.