Lived Experience Forum

[OhRu]

Hi,

Thank you for your comments and kindness, your support helped me to act.  I found a lovely Dr and I realise I am not crazy.  Manipulating someone into  believing that they are crazy is Emotional Abuse, it is also a tactic used by narcissist called gaslighting.  I have looked up narcissist online and he fits the description but is more often nice than not. He ended up going through the texts after  few more days of arguments and I had definitely misread and misunderstood some but I explained to him as he is so secretive and has a history of cheating it is natural to aaaume the worst.  There were some messages that he insists were just talk a he needed attention nd he did not act on them. I chose to believe him as I wanted the fight to end.  He is unable to see that he has hurt me.  He refuses to keep his phone unlocked he now says it is for business reasons, that is not true. He never says sorry when he hurts me and if he is in the wrong he gets angry. We end up in heated discussions as when I express a different opinion he thinks that is an argument. He usually does turn out to be right though I guess. The majority of the time he is so kind and generous. He usually doesn’t criticise and puts up with my many faults without complaint. He loves me, he says so and so does everyone else,  the people who witness how he is sometimes nasty with cailing me crazy etc never tell him he is wrong to do that, they agree that he is right and I overreact. I was ready to leave at the start of the week and felt his behaviour was emotional abuse. Now I’m  not sure and I wonder if I  perhaps misunderstand him? Anyone got ny advice or suggestions about narcissist and loving them?

Hi,

I don’t know if I am crazy or if my husband is manipulating me and making me beleive that I am insane.

I found text messages on my husbands phone that make it look like he was unfaithful while I was away.  There are also girls names and numbers saved that I have never met. He is texting a girl he has slept with in the past and has not told me he is still in contact with her.  

He denies everything and says I am crazy.

We have been married three years, together for eight and he never allows me to touch his phone, he keeps it locked and I was snooping when I found it unlocked two nights ago.  Every time I do that and find messages, photos etc that incriminate him he tells me that I am crazy. 

All of these messages are written in black and white, I took screenshots of them and they are still there, the words haven’t changed.

Am I crazy?  How can I get a psychiatric test done to find out?  I am truly doubting my sanity and I am scared, upset and alone.

please help.

[Former-Member]

Just going to be straight out blunt...

You are not crazy. His just being dishonest...
If he hides things to cover it up..he has something to hide....

His probably trying to get you to question your own sanity which is what you are doing now...

Calling you crazy just takes the problem of him... It is HIM

If you have to go into his phone due to trust issues it says more about the relationship than anything...

You have right to blast me here... But just my opinion from an outsider.

If you mention it again if he said that now I highly doubt you will get honesty the second time round.

Sorry to hear you are being treated this way.
You deserve better.

[Maggie]

@OhRu That was exactly how I found out my husband was cheating, and......I was told I was crazy. You are not crazy. Do you have a counsellor you can talk to? If not please find one. You deserve better than this.

[Chamomile]

Hi @OhRu,

It certainly doesnt sound to me that you are crazy.  That your partner's behaviour is making you doubt your sanity however, makes me think that it would definitely be good for you  to get some support. A good place to start could be to visit your GP and ask for a mental health care plan and a refferal to a psychologist. Seeing a counsellor through Relationships Australia could be another option to consider.

Reaching out to friends, be they on line or irl could also be a way to try and stay strong in the face of what you are experiencing. 

[frog]

Oh @OhRu I don't think you are crazy at all but I do think you need help. I think your husband is undermining you and destroying your confidence. You need support. I agree with the previous comments and really hope you can trust yourself.

[utopia]

@OhRu. I don't believe you need a psychiatrist. I believe you need a good therapist to talk to. Maybe Relationships Australia might be a good place to start.
I don't want to say your husband has been cheating. But I do believe he is being secretive and trying to put it all on you. Rather than admit what he is doing. This is very manipulative behavior he is showing.

[Whiteknight]

I totally agree with the other resonders @OhRu . My wife and I are fully transparent. Often we use each others phone, flat battery, different contact numbers etc. Texting an old flame without you knowing is a breach of your marriage.

You confidence is low. He is capitalising on that weakness. He is also being cruel by labelling you.

Im sorry for your situation.
WK