Lived Experience Forum

[RobertMundane]

It was 5/8/2018. Just over a month and a half ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. After one of the WORST weekends on a trip away with my girlfriend and another couple at the beach, I woke up at 3:30am feeling like I was going to die. I woke up gasping for air like there wasn't any oxygen in the room left for me to breathe, my heart was pounding, palpitating, and I couldn't catch my breathe. I got up to get a drink of water and go to the bathroom thinking it would pass, but it only got worse, then finally, in my bathroom, I collapsed, passed out, hit my head on the bathtub and once again was gasping for air. I got back up and grabbed all my homeopathic medication I have been on since being diagnosed with lyme disease, went downstairs and woke up my parents and told then I needed to go to the hospital. All that would come out of my mouth was "I dont want to die, I dont want to die". I could barley walk, I was so unresponsive, It took me probably 10 seconds to answer one question in the ER. I was terrified, I didn't know what was happening....

The ER experience was terrible, I didn't get a single answer of what was happening, but after realizing what was happening, I got my answers. the fear of doing anything was crippling. I could breathe, I was hyperventilating for days straight. I could breathe, sleep, eat. I just wanted this to end...

One night I couldn't sleep, It was just another night of insomnia and wondering if i was going to die, but then I decided to take control. I told myself "Im not dying tonight", "I will live to see tomorrow"

I realized that I stoping dreaming, the fear was so prevalent that I stopped looking for the good things that tomorrow could bring and was only focused on if I was going to die or not right NOW.

So I made a list of declarations, pointing me to a better tomorrow, and I would declare them over me until I felt well enough to go to sleep... here are my declarations.

WHEN I BEAT THIS, IM GOING TO FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD, LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING

WHEN I BEAT THIS, HELL WILL KNOW MY NAME AS "THE ONE" WHO MADE IT THROUGH

WHEN I BEAT THIS, IM GOING TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY WITH MY STORY, AND TONIGHT IS APART OF THAT STORY, IM NOT DYING TONIGHT.

WHEN I BEAT THIS, IM GOING TO OWN THIS FEAR, AND I WILL HELP OTHERS THROUGH THIS. THIS IS NOT THE END

WHEN I BEAT THIS, I WILL BE A THREAT TO FEAR, AND I WILL RECKLESSLY LOVE MYSELF AND OTHERS

WHEN I BEAT THIS, I WILL LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND BE THANKFUL FOR EVERY DAY

.......

I AM, KIND

I AM, A GOOD PERSON

I AM, A RELENTLESS LOVER, EVEN WHEN I GET HURT FROM HOW MUCH I LOVE PEOPLE, ITS NOT A CURSE, ITS A GIFT, AND I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE

I AM, A FIGHTER, AND I WILL BEAT THIS

I AM, A WORLD CHANGER, AND THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY

I AM, A LIGHT IN THE DARK FOR OTHERS GOING THROUGH THIS

I AM, BRAVE

I AM, COURAGEOUS

I AM, NOT HELPLESS. I CHOOSE LIFE!!!!

After declaring these things over me EVERY NIGHT, I was able to get to sleep faster. I took a week or two, but Through this i realized the POWER of declarations. I've heard it said "Life and death is in the power of the tongue" and I didn't believe that until this happened and it was literally life and death for me.

Truth is, I still have anxiety attacks. I feel like I cant live without my medication. I feel like I cant sleep without it. and I know now its temporary but I still want to be without it. its going to take time and people around me to get through this completely. Im so thankful for places like this where I can get the love and encouragment I need. So this is me stepping out and making myself open to love... here I am!

So just out of curriousity, what are your declarations that you make over yourself to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

[greenpea]

@RobertMundane Hi RobertMundane and welcome to the forums :). Sounds like you have been through hell but are still standing strong. My mantra which I write on my arm which was said to me by a friend is 'Toughen up girl, you have to toughen up' . It holds very true to my situation atm and I will never forget it.

Hope to see you around the board. gp

[RobertMundane]

Thanks for the welcome! you definitely will.

[Pebbles]

Hello @RobertMundane 🙂

Welcome to the forums! Thank you for offering such an interesting and insightful post to share with us all here. The detail you explain things in feels very real and relatable. What powerful sounding declarations to be able to offer yourself. It's always nice to hear what works for people at varying times for them. Credit to you for your acceptance and willingness to open your story up to share with others. Thank you.

Take care 🙂

[RobertMundane]

Youre so welcome! I hope I can offer more once I make it through this.

[utopia]

I actually have to be in a better head space to be able to do declarations @RobertMundane. When in a full depressive episode, I can't manage them.

You write about your panic attack, exactly as I used to get them. And the fear of dying - it's so intense.

I'm glad to hear your declarations are working for you. Positive thoughts and talk, are powerful and can help to heal.

[Former-Member]

@RobertMundane

I appreciate you Robert, & what you have shared, nice to meet you I have many words, & promises from the Word of GOD, that help me, on a daily basis.

Romans 8 v 15  is my favorite:

For I did not give you, a spirit of bondage again to fear. I gave you The Spirit of Adoption, to cry ABBA Father!

Proverbs 3 v 5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not upon your own understanding, & the LORD will direct your steps.

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO  🙂  <><

[Former-Member]

@RobertMundane