Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

This is a very personal post and if you don't care about me, in particular, I take no offense if you skip it. However, if you would like to learn a bit about me and my dreams and my journey so far read on friend.  

I have schizoaffective disorder and so does my partner.  I am divorced from a relationship where I was gaslit and abused emotionally to the point where my ex-spouse tried to get me to commit suicide or so it seemed. I was so confused with the gaslighting I didn't know up from down mentally.  

I now have a beautiful partner who treats me as an equal and loves me more than anything and I feel the same about her.  I have tried to learn to become a writer.  I spent six weeks writing prose fiction.  My fiction was absolute garbage.  I compared it to even bad paperback novels and it failed to compare in quality it was just awful.  I have written poetry recently and it flowed naturally, beautifully, I have a body of lovely work that is complex deep and has multiple layers of symbolism.  I love my poetry and I have shared it with family and friends and English teachers I know.  They all think my poetry is fantastic.  Therefore I am withdrawing my goal of being a novelist and instead I want to be a poet.  

I want to advance my education. First, let me outline my education so far, I have a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Politics and Government from Pacific University in Forest Grove, Oregon.  I want to get a Master of Fine Arts Degree in Creative Writing in Poetry.  That will prepare me to have a graduating thesis that is essentially an anthology of Poetry worthy of publication and it is the terminal degree in creative writing so that I will be able to teach creative writing and poetry especially at the University, community college, and junior college level.  This will make me more valuable in either Australia or the United States the two places I find a home.

My dream is to be an accomplished Poet and well published with many anthologies published. I also dream of lecturing on tour and possibly being visiting honor writer at MFA Programs in the USA and Canada.  However, my longest term dream is to live out my older years comfortably in either the Willamette Valley of Oregon United States or Southern Australia near the beautiful city of Adelaide. 

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for sharing more about yourself and your journey so far - including your dreams going forward. I can imagine it would have taken so much courage, strength and resilience coming out an abusive relationship with an ex-husband who would gaslight you. I am glad to hear that you are now in a relationship with a beautiful partner who treats you like an equal!

It sounds like you have gone through a journey of self-discovery to realise that you want to become a poet, rather than a novelist. I imagine it must have been hard feeling like your fictional writing was not the standard you hoped it would be; then, hard again, deciding to change the trajectory of your dream as an author of fiction to an author of poetry.

However, I'm sure this experience must have provided a sense of new hope and learning that sometimes shifting the focus to a form of writing (or dream, more broadly) that flows more naturally for you, is the way to go. It is also great to hear that you actively choose to continue your learning journey with advancing you education. Based on your qualifications, and aforestated future aspirations, it sounds like you have found value in your educational experiences; which is always wonderful to hear!

I hear that besides becoming a poet with many anthologies published, lecturing on tour and being a visiting honour writer, you have a long-term dream to grown old in Willamette Valley of Oregon United States or Southern Australia, near Adelaide. You truly sound like a person filled with hope and aspiration - I am sure your persistence, strength and hope will inspire many other people here on the forums!

If you are interested, I have linked some other threads where people have written their poetry: "Writing As A Form Of Therapy" by @Silenus; "DAYS - (An Alice Poetry Project)." Please feel free to read or contribute to these threads, as desired!

Again, thank you for sharing your story!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Former-Member]

Thank you, I just want to make a correction I am male, the abusive spouse was my wife. I know that is unusual but that was the case.

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

My pleasure, @Former-Member! I am sorry about my misinterpretation! I think my misinterpretation reflects an unfortunate social bias and assumption; which highlights the very importance of being weary of making such assumptions (even subconsciously) in the first place! Thank you for correcting me, and for being a brave voice for men who have experienced domestic violence - and trust me, your circumstance is not as unusual as you may think!

Take care and thank you again for sharing!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Former-Member]

I just want to let you know it is all good.

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

No problems - thank you for letting me know!