Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hello Everyone this is a venting post or realization that my mother unfortunetly threw alot of doubt my way growing up ,I think Ive posted about rejection I felt from her anyway the main focus of this post is the realisation of how things my mother often said to me growing up put downs,discouregement ect where centred around The idea that I would not be married,that men wouldnt find me desireable,that for some reason I wouldnt be accepted sexually in a romantic relationship,as if there was something inherantly wrong with me that ment I wouldnt and can not have a romantic relationship,of course as an adult I realise that all these kinds of words she kind of ingrained into me growing up where lies but of course when I was younger at the time I believed her because a daughter is suposed to believe in and trust her mother isnt she? anyway my point now is that seeing how those seeds of doubt are still there for me at times,her critital voice,put downs ect whilst at they same time building her self up to be the one that would get male attention especially after my father died she really made things about her needs and desires of men would be fullfilled while I was denied the same thing that for some reason she was allowed to have and so a sort of twisted version of cinderella was the case,she got male attention,yet I wasnt allowed the same attention anyway to get back to the exact point I see how this is affecting me and has affected my phyche when it comes to romantic relationships logically seeing a situation for what it is and then at the same time emotionally plauged by self doubt ,it seems to be taking will power on my part to overcome these doubts that arnt really mine to begin with they where her doubts of me which I may have accepted as my own sense of self esteem ,inner critical voice ect if that makes any sense anyway the point being I must fight what she pushed onto me,and accept what is the truth that I can be and am desirable to men in my own right,and further more Im allowed a mans,sexual and emotional closeness,intamacy,and positives that come with these kinds of life experience,writing now I think I was in a way emotionally or phychologically robbed so to speak of my natural coming of age experiences that was denied of me,I have to kind of fight my mothers desired negative outcome of me and instead allow all the positives and positive life experiences of romance,in a way heal me from the inside out,be fully my own self and experience positive reasurance and positive affection in these areas of my life ,thanks for listening

[Rhye]

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it seems to be taking will power on my part to overcome these doubts that arnt really mine to begin with they where her doubts of me which I may have accepted as my own sense of self esteem, inner critical voice ect if that makes any sense

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This makes SO much sense, @LostAngel and I suspect is something a lot of us here may be able to relate to. Our inner critic is often developed during our younger years, and if you weren't fortunate enough to be raised by a parent capable of providing nurturing, then it's natural that we would take on those messages as if they were part of our own cognitive and emotional landscape...we're kind of molded by them, if that makes sense.

I applaud you for being able to distance yourself from these painful and messages which aren't truly your own, and to communicate your story here with us.

Building a better relationship with myself has been an integral part of my recovery, yet at times it's the one I've struggled with most. I wonder whether you've been able to take steps to find that self nurturing aspect that sounds like was not provided to you? It seems like you've made some great strides here with this post 💜