Lived Experience Forum

[Jid004]

Hi,

This is my first time posting and I’m not sure how to go about it. I know I have bad anxiety and get treated for it but I’m also pretty sure I’m bi polar and a narsarcist. These are both traits my sister and I display. I’ve had the anxiety and depression all my life and it’s left a trail of destruction where ever I have been

Just last week I decided to part ways with my wife of 5 years and try and sort myself out even though I’m not sure how to do that. We did have an issue early in our marriage where my wife started to see someone else and I guess I’ve never really gotten over it. I tried to and we have been happy at times and behind the scenes I’ve been absolutely miserable and at times have often had very dark thoughts.

We have a 7yr old son and I know he will struggle to understand what is happening with his dad.

I guess at the end of it all I hope to find myself and find a way to either move on or rekindle my marriage.

[Appleblossom]

Best thing is to look aftter you so that you can be good father for your boy.

Just wondering if your wife has any issues with narcissism too, but does not admit it?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jid004

Sorry to read of the breakdown in your marriage. I can understand once someone has cheated it is very hard to regain trust for the other again. Without that it is hard to move forward and grow together. 

You said that for as long as you can remember you suffered anxiety, depression and you believe you are narsarcist. Which is a term for being self centre/selfish. This takes insight and courage to admitt to ourselves. I admire that and I also know some years ago i was a selfish person too. I think we all go through that to a certain degree. Its whether we recognise the inner place we are at and whether we want to change or not that really matters in the end. That we do have in our control. Choices.

Do you believe then that you have been selfish in your marriage? Do you have any regrets? Do you feel inward anger and grief over your wifes infidelity? If so please do consider telling your wife everything in private (not in front of your son). Whether you stay together or not communication about how you really feel, everything, the good or the bad, the hurts (without blame), just may bring you both closer together. Clear the air so you can both see your way forward or not with the marriage.

Its good to go on a quest and do some soul searching to find ourselves. To find who we are, what we want to be is to work on our flaws, which we all have, and to find out what really matters to us and go for it.

And you are right, your little boy would be struggling and hurting. He will need his Dad no matter what the outcome and being so vulnerable, his welfare being the priority. I do hope you find a way to rekindle your love for yourself, life and your family.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Jid004, I have bipolar and it has been hard on my relationships too. Nonetheless, I am glad that you are also considering possible reconciliation with your wife. I wonder if you have tried any relationship counselling? If not, it might be worth a go, if possible. Regarding your own mental health, are you seeing a psychiatrist? They usually make the diagnosis. If you are not with a psychiatrist now, your GP (or any GP), will be able to refer you for a diagnosis and possible ongoing treatment. I appreciate the brave way you admit to issues. Kind wishes, whatever your decision regarding your family life.