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Re: Living with absence

Darling @Sophia1 I wish I could just sit with you, drink tea and breathe. I've had a hard week also with depression and anxiety. My girls so called support workers with the NDIS she has been with have just been pulled as they have not been supporting as I was led to believe. So now a new team being introduced for her to try and engage with and develop some form of trust. Too many calls this week for my mind to deal with. Too much information to process. My house is a mess and garden has been ignored but the couch has had plenty of attention. Have been avoiding the medication as help but have an appnt with gp next week. So hesitant to start a new med because of the brain fog it creates but simply not coping at this point. Sleep is all I wish for to stop the ruminating thoughts but that doesn't come easy either. Just back from grocery shop which is a 1 hour drive for me and am exhausted. My darling daughter is staring down the barrel of a 2 year stay in a psychiatrist hospital if this new team can't help improve her mindset. So very worried for her and just want to sit with her and hug. Still waiting on get together with support group but looking forward to my next counselling session on Monday with Carers. I hope your weekend brings you some peace and rest from all you're experiencing at present. Don't forget to just sit and breathe with hand on heart and abdomen. Hold space and nurture your anxiety just as you would a child seeking comfort. Give it attention, accept it as just a physical sensation, float with it and let time pass. Much love to you xx

Re: Living with absence

Oh @Krishna 

 

I feel so terrible now having read about your week..

 

We do seem to be living in parallels to a certain degree..

 

I pushed myself out ..pushed through the anxiety and met up with friend meeting me halfway

 

We met up with other couple on arrival at nursery with cafe waiting on one who is always running late...that is fine does not fuss me...tis life..

then we all agreed too loud...too busy...bench type seating not comfortable...

so another place was suggested...

All followed like a convoy we were...

 

I meant to tell them when we got there that I thought of the 3 c's...

three cuckoo carers...

of course forgot when I got there...

it takes some time for carers who all have issues as well as their own health issues to settle...order...sit and try and have a conversation...

As usual there was laughter...

closer to sounding like hysteria at times I think...

 

It was actually a beautiful cafe in an old double storey building tucked away down a side street in another hills town.Food was lovely and I opted for water as have 2 coffees with breakfast..

 

One of the others let me follow her on the way home as we went a different way..

Eventually I grasped where I was and I arrived back in home hills country town..

 

Although I felt so close to crying on the way there...I held it back..

Navigating the confusion and working out different conversations is just so warm and delightful..

We all talked about clutter...housework not done...dust...yes can write initials in it..

So momentarily I have been lifted out of what was starting to worry me..

We are always so happy to see each other and are aware that we are all worn out in different ways.. All carers..

 

Thank you so much for your reply..

I feel so much for you..

This NDIS seems to have so much to answer for.

Was there or is there still or about to happen a royal commission investigating the organisation?

In a situation with your daughter consistency is paramount..

Have you been able to talk to her medical team ..?

Hopefully they are keeping you uptodate..

Yes would be huge hugs...

Probably sitting in comfortable chairs in your garden more established...then mine discussing more ideas..

 

I like the idea of the hand on heart and abdomen (do you mean diaphragm)

I have tried visualising anxiety as different objects and watching them dissipate...burn off...smoke disperse...

accepting it as a physical sensation ..holding and nurturing a child floating with it might try that tonight ...another strategy to get to sleep..

I showed them all my little worry doll from the culture of Myanmar...she was not in her little sleeping bag...that was wet when I dropped it in the bathroom sink laugh...so drying out at home in the bathroom..

she didn't need her sleeping bag as she was out socialising today and helping to keep me together...

 

I live in my own little world...It is alright though...they all know me here..

 

I will ask my worry doll to hold your worries for you tonight..

The tradition is the worry doll takes away your worries as you sleep if you put her under your pillow..

 

Well that does not work with me...I do not sleep much...

plus I don't think that it is good to have my worries taken away from me...I ask for them to be held safely overnight returned the next day for me to continue the journey of working through them..

too deep?

 

much love and hugs back Krishna..

 

 

Re: Living with absence

Hey @Sophia1   So happy you pushed through and met up with like situation souls and laughter included. Wonderful. Cant remember the last time I had a good laugh. Would love to have just stayed in bed a little longer this morning but neighbour mowing with ride-on so up and starting the day whatever it may hold. I like the idea of your worry doll and will source one for myself. Heating up here already so washing machine will have my attention this morning and a little watering of the garden. Yes my girls medical team, public guardian and new NDIS team all in communication with me this week keeping me uptodate. Too much information but need to be involved. Hoping your weekend is easy Sophia. 

Re: Living with absence

Hello @Krishna 

 

Hope that you had some pleasant time gardening 

 

windy here .  Pushed myself outside has been too long

2hours. Cold..

Brought more cut flowers in

Feing very flat and drained

false high yesterday even though love seeing them

 

I hope that you have a restful day tomorrow 

I will tell my worry doll to get the word out so that you can find one

In the interim mine is listening to you also

cant write properly on mobile 

will speak soon

big hug 🤗 xx

 

Re: Living with absence

:Hello @Krishna 

wanting to let you know that I have been thinking of you..

checking to see if there is a reply..

similar to checking if any letters have arrived before electronic world took that away also

.. still we would not have this connection via the forums..

much happening I am assuming and so much to try and take in..

 

Will keep an eye out for you should you need a hug.. a connection..

 I hope that they are supportive as well as effective 

speak when you are ready..

SophiaHeart

 

 

Re: Living with absence

Hi @Sophia1  You've been in my thoughts also though my thoughts are somewhat muffled at present due to starting an antidepressant medication Tuesday night. Feeling very fatigued and off centre but hoping this improves given time. Had been spiralling downhill this past month to a place I didn't want to be so hoping these meds lighten my mood. Going to be very hot here today and normally I would drive to the beach for a cool swim but don't think I'm capable of that today so will stay indoors in the cool. Hope you're doing okay and talk soon. 🙏❤️

Re: Living with absence

Hello @Krishna 

 

Thank you for taking the time to let me know how you are feeling..

 

Starting antidepressant medication is different for everyone.

Hopefully you have been told how long that particular one takes to kick in and you start noticing some change..

 

I know that you would be aware to keep an eye on other symptoms...side effects..

 

You most definitely are still exhausted...drained emotionally and physically from everything that has been going on and is now changing again..

 

My situation is so very different to yours...although you did say that you went through all of this many years ago..

You are a good mum and love your daughter..

The professionals are the only one who can help her now with her state of mind...

Remind yourself of those last two statements..

Get rid of guilt if it visits...envisage how...I find this helps me..

I have lost both of my worry dolls.

They are so very tiny.

They are probably busy helping you..

 

Rest ...breathe and look at your garden that brings you joy.

Can you take a picture of your favourite part with your phone.

Then you will have it there closeby if you cannot get outside..

 

Sophia 💜

take yourself to this field of beautiful yellow tulips field of yellow tulips.jpg

Re: Living with absence

Thank you @Sophia1 for your wise words and beautiful flowers. Have been told I should feel an improvement in the next couple of weeks but the daytime sedation affect is horrid but I will just have to go with the flow. No other side affects which is reassuring. Managed to get out and water the garden earlier but oh my such an effort. I'll keep in touch my friend xx

Re: Living with absence

Thank you @Krishna 

You are looking after yourself 

comforting for me to read

you are observing your body

you are behaving xx

Re: Living with absence

Hi @Sophia1   Just wanted to touch base. Have decided to give these new meds a miss as side effects too much for me. Looking forward to waking with a clear head tomorrow instead of the dizzy brain fog and lethargy I've been experiencing. Will return to my CBT mindfulness meditation walking and garden instead. Hope your okay and wishes for a peaceful easy weekend. 🙏❤️

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