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Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thinking of you @Former-Member . I am proud of you for getting out to the gym.

I hope you have the strength to be honest tomorrow - if your professional relationship is going to continue, you have to be able to build trust again. 

Here with you x

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thanks all for your responses to my post from yesterday.  @Scarecrowe @Maggie @Snowie @outlander @BlueBay @Zoe7 @eth @Molliex  and those who offered support via the support button too.  It helps me to know someone is listening.  @Gazza75 @Adge @Appleblossom @Owlunar 

 

I will try to encompass all of your messages in this one response.  Sorry, but I am not coping that well right now.  On top of my psych apt tomorrow at 12.30pm, I now have a dentist apt beforehand.  Silly me, I'd forgotten all about it.  Its one which was made 6 months ago for a general dental checkup and clean/flouride.  They texted a reminder this morning, and I didnt want to phone back to cancel.  Maybe its good that I have something other than my psych apt to think about?  As it is, its going to be a bit of a rush to get from dentist to psych in time.  

 

@Scarecrowe , I may need more than a hug to get me there tomorrow ... thinking a bulldozer could be more effective.

@Snowie , yes you are so right ... it took a lot to put my trust in my psych ... I had been seeing her for well over a year before I opened up to her about anything personal.

@BlueBay , you mean a lot to me too ... thank you for being here for me.  I am thinking of you as you try to adjust to this new situation of being out of work.  Lack of motivation is completely understandable.  I think you should try to treat your time out of work as a holiday.  Your severence pay will hopefully enable you to continue to cover the basics until someone else comes up.  Meanwhile you have your hospital admission coming up in a couple of weeks.  Realistically you dont really want to find a new job just yet.  Make the most of being available to be with the ever delightful A as much as your heart desires.  

@Zoe7  Yes I feel very let down by my psych, and feel that I am no longer worthy of her time.  I dont know, maybe she thinks she has done all she can for me already?  Thats a concern to me also.  I'm sure I've made some progress over the years .. cant she see that?  But that doesnt mean I dont need continued support.  Yeah .. thank goodness I know I have  you all here .. just in case tomorrow is a total disaster.

@eth  I need to be completely honest with my psych tomorrow, otherwise I wont feel that I have done myself justice.  This isnt something I want to bottle up and allow to ferment any more than I have already.  I too have read somewhere about an additional 10 psych sessions available to people affected by fires.  That is on top of any MHCP sessions, as I understand it. And I dont believe you need a referral either.  Not sure how it works other than that.  I could ask my psych tomorrow though, as I'm sure she will be on top of all that.  Mind you, you have to have a psych to access those extra services.  And right now ... I dont know if I do, or will.  Yes I have done a brief list of reminders as to what I need to go through with her tomorrow, and its in my handbag so I dont forget it in my rush to get to the dentist in the morning.  I too am in a Team Health Care Plan, and I dont mind if they pass on general stuff, but not the very personal things which I believe she has told him.  I am not comfortable with my GP being told about any DV issues.  My husband is a patient at the same practice as I am.  Not the same GP, but the same practice.  I certainly do not want any of this to get back to him, as it would likely exacerbate things at home.  My psych, until late last year, always emailed me her draft letters to my GP before she sent them.  Its something she told me she would do right at the start of me seeing her.  She would email her letter and I would approve it.  Then she would send it.  But twice late last year, I found out she had sent letters to my GP .. which I was never told about.  I know because my GP said he had received an update from my psych, then he moved on to talk about how things were at home and how I was coping with my husband etc.  It was pretty obvious that she had told him things she had no right to.  That was further reinforced when I had a skin cancer check just before christmas.  My GP asked me about a couple of bruises I had at the time. When I didnt answer .. he persisted and asked how I got them.  I told him I couldnt remember ... bit silly, but I couldnt think of anything else. I knew it sounded lame, so I then said that I bruise easily.  He didnt ask any more, but he did look at me a bit strange, as though he was waiting for more.  How did your water tai chi go today?  Its something I think I would enjoy too. But we dont have that here.  Water aerobics is the closest we have.  Yes I do usually feel much better with some exercise under my belt.  And when I do get there, I work pretty hard.  I know I should have got to the gym last week too, but I was just too triggered to leave the house to be honest.  I was not good at all.  Thankfully I am quite a bit better this week .. in that regard at least, in that I'm no longer seeing or imagining things or people.

@Molliex  so good to see you again.  I know you are still not well with your physical health, along with everything else .. so thank you for posting here. Firstly thanks for being proud of me for making it to the gym yesterday.  I was proud of me too.  Certainly last week, I could not have done it. I have always been very honest with my psych, and I expect I will be again tomorrow. I am a bit worried though, that my trust in her may be irretrievable.  And if thats the case, then there is probably little point in continuing to see her after tomorrow.  My dilema then is that I have nobody else I can talk to in real life, no other support.  I really dont think I can start seeing anyone new.  It makes me feel so damned anxious and sick in the stomach just at the thought of having to do that.  So that leaves me with possibly needing to stay where I am, but with a somewhat broken professional relationship from now on.  On the other hand, she might tell me that she will no longer be practicing soon.  That makes me feel sick with worry too.  Oh dear .. 

 

Sherry 😢

 

 

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

My dearest @Former-Member 

I will see if I can get a bulldozer to help get you to the appointment.  Smiley Happy

Mind you I would need a bulldozer to get to the dentist appointment.........don't like the 'torture chamber'.........Smiley Sad

 

Hoping all goes well tomorow with both appointments.  Will be thinking of you Heart

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member I think it is good you have that dentist appointment before the psych - will take your mind off it for just a little while. You have reminded me I need to make a dentist appointment too Smiley Frustrated 

 

I know you are turning inside out with this appointment coming tomorrow and I really hope she has some explanations for you - and ones that are enough to tuen that lack of trust around just a little. There is nothing worse than having someone we confide in so closely breaking that trust - and it takes a lot to get that back - and worse still when it is your only support for so much. There really are no words that can help you right now - it is a wait and see time until tomorrow. Know though we are all here for you and truly hope that the outcome tomorrow is positive in so many ways for you Heart

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I hope that things work out with your Psych @Former-Member If you want or need that support.

I am similar, I am not earning enough to cover the expense of my psych.

Yet I consider it essential, for working with my Complex PTSD - & because I live alone, with no social support (no social network except Forums) etc.

I always have fears about my Psych turfing me out the door, etc - yet it's a private practice (I pay private), & my psych seems particularly dedicated to working with trauma background (& PTSD) people - so hopefully that won't happen (realistically).

I would not want to have to start all over again with a new psych, either.

I just want to be all "fixed & fine" - as my psych says that everyone wants (or expects), when they come in her door.

All the best, I'm thinking of you.

Adge

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-MemberI hope both of your appointments go ok tomorrow. Will have you in my thoughts Heart

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thinking if you this morning my friend @Former-Member  ❤️❤️🙏

hugs xxoo

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member 💙💙💙💙💙

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member 

 

I haven't been reading the forum over the last couple of days but I think I can comment on a couple of the issues you have written about 

 

With your psyche - she did offer to see you after she began her new projects with care-animals - and I would take her up on that - what you feel and what she is thinking are not really linked - when we are unsure of some things many unrelated problems can get mixed up in the emotional soup so if you are realy unsure ask her - imo you need to have someone to support you and a long break at this time of year has to be harder - and I know you did email her - 

 

I may have missed something here but it's best to ask rather than go by your feelings 

 

But imo if we think we need a therapist then we do - I think most people would imagine I wouldn't - and I have seen - ah -  this is the fourth since my mother died - and it seems for whatever reason I had to stop seeing someone the need crept in and after today I guess I will be seeing mine less often - but I still think I need to sometimes - an that's a good enough reason

 

And you have so much going on - I do need to read back across the last couple of weeks but there is the issue of your husband - and the bruises etc - and keeping this from other people has to make it harder - I know you have made up your mind to stay because he needs you and although you don't like him you still love him and I do understand that. 

 

But dealing with just that much is hard and having a therapist is never going to go astray - if that person is helpful

 

So talk with her about it and I hope your appointment goes well - and also the dentist - having something different often helps - sometimes my dentist has been helpful with tooth-grinding issues that I have - he is really easy to talk to - and that helps

 

I hope today goes well for you - and the smoke is easing where you are. It's not good where I am - last night it looked really scary at sunset - the sun going down in all the smoke - and this morning it rose really pink and pretty - but I have been taking cough medicine for the cough and asthma - that is helping

 

A lot of happening - I will be thinking of you today

 

Dec

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hugs xoxo @Former-Member 

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