Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51 @outlander @BlueBay @Former-Member @utopia 

It's Tuesday - this is my Tuesday meme now - I love it

AW - it feels better just lookingMelbourne's cold, grey, gloominess is getting to me - time for me to get into some self-care and warm up a bit - we must always attend to our own pressing needs

Which brings me to my last disastrous hair-cut and finding a new hairdresser yesterday who just rents a chair - I had to let my hair grow after the last effort - no need for me to go into the details of a bad haircut - or why I feel the need to find someone else - but happenstance led me to the new one and she seems bright and happy and ready to fix the damage next Tuesday

It's time to sort out my trip to see my grand-daughter - I need to find out when my daughter and son-in-law are planning to go because it's better to stretch out the visits - and then I also have a birthday coming up - time to look at the tropics again

I can't fly from the Sunshine Coast to Cairns so I am putting Cairns off until nearer spring - I will factor in a visit to the Glass House Mountains - I have always wanted to got there - this might be the time

The dreaded anniversary is coming up - I have gone away for this before and found I still have to experience what is there to experience - I have been so much better this year - time to plan getting away from Melbourne - truly

I am pleased with how well I have done this year

Dec

[BlueBay]

You have done well @Owlunar 

I am proud of you ❤️

Its always nice organising holidays. And it will be really nice to see your granddaughter. Special time together. Xxx

[utopia]

If I could afford to,  I'd be following your example @Owlunar aand heading somewhere warm to escape to.  Country Victoria - freezing.  Minus 1 expected for the next 4 nights. 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @BlueBay  and @utopia 

I am looking forward to heading north - getting away from the gloominess and polar winds of our short, sharp Melbourne/Victorian winters is something I can afford to do now and will do so as long as I can - and yes Utopia - I know how much colder it gets in Central Victoria - I have a complicated weather map so I can check all the places I like and know the weather there - and I have stayed in country Victoria during winter too -  the frost can lead to beautiful days but then - there's the icy nights and mornings and of course - the dreaded black ice on the roads

It does pass though - and I appreciate what you said about my dealing with my past so well this winter - I can say that learning to accept what has happened and time are both healing elements for the healing of our trauma - whatever it was - it will never go away - it will always be terrible - but we can learn to live around it.  Something wonderful can grow out of all our pain - I still have a connection with my son - his MI hid so much of it and his unhappiness also - but what I have now are my memories and how I have grown and this is truly beautiful - tears can be so cleansing - 

It takes time though - and tears - you will find yourself some day BlueBay - I promise

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @BryanaCamp 

Thanks for asking about the anniverary - it's the anniversary of my son's passing on the 16th July 1986 - he was in Juvenile Detention and it was all too much for him. He had been there for 3.5 months

He had a non-custodial sentence for a crime that was actually very serious - however he didn't comply with the magistrate's orders and was sentenced to remain in Juvenile Detention until he showed that he could and absconded while on work release and returned to the Juvenile Justice Centre after 3 weeks - winters here can be tough for something living rough and I never found out how he managed during that time

Tough Love is too hard for some young people - for anyone I guess - I couldn't take him home that day and I promised him I would be back in a few days but I had a car accident and couldn't - I don't blame myself - I know I did all I could and probably more than most people in my life imagine -

It's a long time ago now and this year I have felt a lightening of the pressures I have felt on previous years even though it's well over 30 years. My family of origin had backed away from us during the years preceeding all of this - I know they had terrible regrets about this afterwards but rejection was their choice - I stuck by my son - he was my child after all and he had some kind of MI - possbily BPD - 

In my mind the prison sentence and the death - the behaviour of my parents and my accident were all confused into one tangled ball - this year though - with the help of Life-Line and the people here I have sorted though the past and tidied my own mind - this has made an incredible differences and after losing months to grief etc I have had maybe 4 bad days and I still have a month to go but I am planning to go away to see my grand-daughter on the Sunshine Coast as soon as is sensible

I don't mind talking about it at all and one thing that I can tell people is that as hard as it is - time does change us - we have to do the Grief Work and this is hard work - but time and therapy and faith in ourselves can change - we can grow and in this - we can tell other people the good news - getting older is a time when we can see the past with more clarity

Thanks for asking Bryana and I wish you the best

Dec

[outlander]

thinking of you @Owlunar xo

[BryanaCamp]

Hi @Owlunar thank you for sharing your story with us here, I admire your courage, honesty and openness, it takes a lot of strength to do that.

I'm very sorry for your loss. It is a tradegy for a bright life to end so young. I'm sure you did everything you could at the time & are a wonderful mother. I can't imagine the pain and anguish you must have suffered since then. The justice system sounds very cruel and destructive. I know how hard it is when your family abandon you when you need them the most, it takes great strength to carry on.

I'm glad you have come to some peace with that difficult time in your past, it sounds like you have worked very hard to achieve that. I think going to the Sunshine Coast this year to see your grand-daughter is a wonderful idea.

Sitting with you & wishing you a peaceful day today.

[Owlunar]

Thanks @BryanaCamp @outlander 

I think my son had a very fair deal with the Juvenile Justice System back in the day - people were leaning over backwards to be fair to him and do their best but he couldn't comply - there really needed to be a different dispensation for children and teens with an MI - now there is though I have only looked at from afar really - I teens - girls and boys - get a much better deal in detention in Victoria now - my son's death had a lot to do with starting the changes - although he was certainly not a hero in anyway he did draw public attention to how destructive dentention was at the time - strange to think that was only over thirty years ago - I admit I was proactive in many of those areas at the time

The weather gets to me at this time of year - I think it always did - it's important to keep warm and I have a small place now and close off one large room in winter - but I still feel the cold and don't go out much - 

But

it was so bleak on Thursday I organised my trip to the Sunshine Coast to see my grand-daughter in a couple of weeks - it was quite easy to do - organising things around other people can be difficult but this time it went smoothly - 

My daughter and son-in-law have to wait for the surgeon to give my sil clearance to travel - he has done really well after his emergency operation - goll-ee - all of that was only a few weeks ago - it was such a shock to all of us - and my sil is recovering really well and has started rehab - he gets very tired though - it will take time to recover

As people know the weather in Victoria as been atrocious but the clouds are fantastic - when I was at Flight Centre paying for my trip I realised that the weather is always like that when I fly north - this the fourth year now - I am seeing Australia first and enjoy flying - sometimes I think I only go somewhere to fly in a plane but I really love it

Thanks everyone - 

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

I love the owl @outlander 

I am feeling better this week - or so far - it's only Monday morning and the gardener is mowing and busy with the whipper-snipper - normally I get a headache before he turns up but not today - this bodes well

You are so supportive - I read many of your posts around the forums and you are there for everyone - this shows maturity - and I know that things are really tough for you caring for Pop - and it seems he is going down hill

I hope you are able to get support with that - I can't imagine what it's like for you dealing with dementia - my mother had a form of it - she totally lost the plot when Dad died and she was co-dependent - I will never know - she was in a very good aged-care facility and I didn't see here because she didn't like me - which was hard but that's life.

You do the best you can obviously - it comes across in what you write - and I love the owls - 

Dec