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Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Owlunar good to read ur assertive and fair stance....re ur daughter. Im sure thst was difficult.

 

@Appleblossom i have a close friend much older than me which is nice. I cant relate so easy to people my own age

 

I had some friends drop off food to me last night which was pretty nice.

A few meals and a chocolate tart.

Otherwise i skip meals

 

Thanks @Owlunar @Zoe7 for the warm welcome. I have had a few run ins on the forum. The mods have tried and followed up. They seem to take action if something is an issue. I think i have to remember that things need to be safe for me as well as the others.

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @EternalFlower 

 

Thanks for your post - yes - being assertive is healthy - part it is knowing when to give and take - we must work on our boundaries.

 

This is a safe place to be - I have had a few run-ins in my time - I notice one you had and spoke my mind there - I know you meant well. My suggestion is to pick and choose when to post - if you feel okay about it - then say something - and if the other person has a - I'm thinking of how to put this - ah yes - a contrary opinion - then let it go - forget it - we can feel a little bruised sometimes - that can heal though.

 

I try and post helpful things - I do have my own issues - I post a bit - it's strange that I can read other people's difficulties but find it hard to post my own - I am having a telehealth consult with a psychologist next week - telehealth is great - no taxi - no waiting - just click on my computer.

 

It will be tough with my daughter - I know what not to say - I will not point the finger - tell her how wrong she has been - just let her know I have felt disrespected - and that's enough - the rest is up to her.

 

I hope your weekend is a good one

 

All the best

Owlunar

 

PS 

 

Actually - I really don't know anyone my age - I do speak to people who want to chat at the bus stop - or on the bus - it seems I have been on buses all week - one lady - 60ish perhaps - was proud to have had her first covid vax - I was so pleased - she seemed to get it on the good vibes - I've had 5 shots myself - I believe in it.

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Owlunar very caring advice. I know what u mean how sometimes other peoples stuff is easier, or clearer. U seem to have a good balance here and that was so kind how u reached out to me.

 

Thanks, I see that user meant well as well but you dont always know initially how someone will take input however sometimes they also take offence to no replies....so thats good advice to just roll with it and let it go

 

My weekend started today as I had a day off. So i feel like its saturday...

Thats good telehealth works for u and u have a consistent psycjplgoist. I am starting Emdr on Wednesday

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thanks again @EternalFlower 

  

I am really happy to have you on board her - you have a lot to contribute.

 

That person - well - some people - are not very articulate and that can be a problem - I think you did well actually - as in life - it takes all sorts I am sure - and we can pick and choose.

 

I had someone here - in my home - a short time back who was fussed about what to say to someone who was bereaved - she thought what she said would upset them - I was in a position to say that the bereaved person is already upset and saying nothing is worse than saying something that might not fit. If the bereaved person gets worked up then that's the way it is. Having been seriously bereaved I know there are no right words - some words are better than none.

 

Anyway - here I only take on what I can understand and there is a lot I don't.

 

It's a good place to be though - I have friends here I have had for years - for some reason we have stuck together - I feel closer to the people I know here than I do to people in the real world. I guess that's because we come here and read and write when we choose to - people are not in a hurry here - and I enjoy writing - I consider it my work and my writing has improved. 

 

I spoke to the psychologist for the first time on Thursday morning when she arranged a telehealth appointment - she sounds very nice - and she understand the issue I have with my deceased parents' attitude in the past - I said I needed to clean out the emotional cupboards - I had suppressed my feelings for a long time and something made them come up - it's never too late to get it out in the open and off my soul - I will be looking forward to Wednesday.

 

So - enjoy the rest of your long weekend if possible

Owlunar

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hello my mumma bear @Owlunar , it is a bit late tonight but had a very busy day xoxo

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Shaz51 

 

It's good to see you - yes - busy days take up time - they do tend to pass quickly though.

 

I didn't get in last night - I went to sleep watching Home and Away - luckily I have it set to always record - so I was able to catch up when I got home from hospital. And last night - not  that it changes much.

 

Still - after falling asleep in my chair I just wanted to go to bed to read - I had a busy week - three times to my GPs clinic - twice to get my burn dressed and then to have a mental health plan to see a psychologist about my past issues with my parents which is cluttering up my emotional cupboards. 

 

Lots of trips on the bus - it was cold waiting at the bus stop though. And yesterday it rained - someone lent me their umbrella to get home - which was really generous and fortunate.

 

My burn is healing up nicely - I have a waterproof dressing over the last one to heal - the rest have a bit of a bandage I can take off and put cream on - the skin is pretty fragile. Ooh - this was not a fun thing to happen - that cup of coffee - nearly 4 weeks ago now - was one I wish I had never though about. Drat

 

I hope you are fair enough - busy days probably take it out of you - I care - it would be great to get that kidney transplant - that seems to be taking forever

 

All the best though

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @EternalFlower 🙂

 

I really wanted to come past and say hello 🙂

 

HI @Owlunar @Decadian @Appleblossom @Shaz51 

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hey @tyme 

 

Great to see you 

 

Owlunar

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

Oooh @Owlunar 

Thanks for the intelligent chat.

 

I have had to accept a lot of disrespect and yes been treated like a doormat, except in work and study.  The forum has been a place where I have sought to claim back some personal dignity and not give away all my power while still be true to myself including the possible scandalous, complex and shameful aspects of my life.

 

I only stood up to my mother once verbally and firmly in my mid teens. Giving cheek was not on and it never occurred to me. She was a brick wall regarding communication and it was all her way or the highway, so I began running away from home.  I believe part of the reason I survived and my siblings did not was that I simply found a way to pay rent and bills from a young age 16 so figured out the basics of survival  My siblings stayed with her too long.  Both brother and sister managed independent living for very short times.  I accpet it as part of their issue that they were younger in the abandonment 2 and 4, while I was older 6 years, and had some clear memories.  Mother could not face the shame of her abandoning us, or work through her war trauma.  SHe pretended she was perfect and stated she was "above reproach".

 

I had to retrospectively figure out some of the issues in her and my father's relationship and see him as a broader person than I had been permitted to while he was alive.  SO that is me unpacking the dastardly labels of schizophrenia, which were applied to both parents while I was in orphanages.  They were not bad people, but traumatised people, but she was naughty cos she actually wrote a letter to my aunt saying I was evil.  I do not think she ever forgave me for being alive, but smudged it all with confused religiosity. It was more about her mnotherhood failure than anything to do with who I was.  She was pretty lucky with me in all honesty.

 

SO my style is pretty much face it, deal with it, and move on if it is not viable.  Standing ground is my recent and final learning.  I feel I have to do it to stay in tact authenitcally for myself and my son to learn that he has dignity and rights and be there for my grandson when I do pass over.

 

Yes we do need to be civil and allow space for others and forgive, but there are limits and boundaries, which I am slowly understanding.  I am making clearer boundaries in my garden.  That is a first step.... lol... the ground covers are not blurring the property line quite so much. I have figured out how to grow and which species like living in my garden and now making things neat!  Still a work in progress tho... do not even want it to be perfect.

 

My situation with my daughter is also very painful.  Not opening that now.

 

Love to you

Apple

 

@EternalFlower Even when I was young I socialised with those older, which happened to be my aunts, so I was swept into lifestyles that were not totally appropriate and I trusted those around me, I was also pulled into older family feuds that I was not awayre of, that never resolved.  Happy families are rare as hens teeth.  Enjoy any happniness that comes your way.  Glad some are caring for you.

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thank you so much for sharing @Appleblossom . You post was very heart felt and really she’d light on what growing up was like for you. It really sounded like the battle of the fittest. I’m glad you are with us today.

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