Lived Experience Forum

[Dimity]

Stay safe @HenryX it looks like a bad storm you're having on the West coast atm

[greenpea]

@bipolarbunny  Hey BB wishing you well today with doc. Do you have private health insurance that would cover a stint in a private hospital? that would get you out of the house for awhile and you could get some peace and quiet.Love peaxxx

[Appleblossom]

flying rat's lymph node ... hilarious

@bipolarbunny 

[bipolarbunny]

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @greenpea @Dimity @HenryX @Mazarita @TideisTurning

Hey everyone,

never rains but it pours. Got some bad news today which could have a huge impact on where my life goes from here on out. I've gotta be honest. I'm gutted. I was already struggling with the med situation and now this. I sometimes think I was better off when I was living under a cloud of familiar doom. This hope vs hopeless roller coaster is just too cruel. Every time the prop gets pulled out from under me the fall is just that much steeper. I'm in for a bad night, but then tomorrow I have to suck it up, play adult and try and work through everything. All I really want to do is sleep through the rest of my life. Anyway sorry to be a downer. I hope everyone else is travelling okay. 

love n hugs,

BB 🐰❤️

[Dimity]

@bipolarbunny sorry to hear you're under the weather... I know things come in waves but it's hard with stormy seas eroding gains we've made. I hope a quiet night helps you face things in the morning. Ì also hope the pdoc was able to help you with the meds yesterday. Sometimes it takes a few days not just to get used to a new med but waiting for the pdoc to "titrate" to get the dose right. It's  a bit like getting your stride fitting to a path of stepping stones, sometimes it's easy but sometimes you have to find another way. Crap analogies I know but I reckon that there's still an element of alchemy in modern pharmacology, we know so little about how it all works.

Hang in there BB and keep us posted.

[TideisTurning]

Hey @bipolarbunny, 

It sounds like things have been really tough for you lately. Like you just manage to get your head above water only to be dunkend underneath a wave again. I'm not sure if that resonates with you?

Finding out new information that has such a great impact on your life overall can feel really confronting at first and I can understand struggling with that and wanting to sleep until that feeling passes, though I'm a little concerned abou. Please know that it's ok to not be ok, though if what you're experiencing starts to feel too overwhelming, please don't hesitate to reach out for extra support- SANE's Helpcentre is open until 10pm this evening if you'd like to speak to someone 1:1, though you're also more than welcome to keep reaching out here for support from your peers if you'd like.  Sitting with you as you ride out this wave and hoping the waters are a little calmer for you around the corner. Take care 💙

[Shaz51]

sitting with you @bipolarbunny 

sending you hugs for tonight 

[bipolarbunny]

@Dimity I totally agree about the alchemy in pharmacology. Especially with mixed episodes, it seems one thing pulls my brain one way and another pulls it in the opposite direction. Trying med number 3 so fingers crossed it helps me retain some balance. I don't mind the occasional waves of emotions but I've had motion sickness from mood swings since Easter. Maybe I should add some dramamine! 

@TideisTurning Thank you, I actually rang SANE hotline today after I got the news and had a good chat with a lovely counselor. I see my therapist tomorrow at 3pm and he is amazing, I always leave sessions feeling more empowered and in control. At the moment my bipolar is having a merry old time in my head but I know it won't last. I think it's just been an exceptionally hard few days and I just lost mental cohesion. My mania is generally dysphoric so it doesn't take much to push the catastrophic thinking into overdrive. The news today did that. But even now as I lay here with a splitting headache I don't feel quite so gutted. It's just another problem to be solved and another test of character I guess. The issue is less important than how I respond to it. I'd still like to sleep for at least a year, lol. Soooo tired. 

@Shaz51 Thank you my friend, big hugs for you too. I know you've had a tough few days as well. xxx

[bipolarbunny]

Hey @greenpea 

Unfortunately I don't have private health Pea. I used to but it became too expensive and I wasn't using it so I stopped it. But my Tdoc suggested it might be a good idea to start it up again, just for the hospital cover. I think after this recent episode I will. There were moments where I was seriously contemplating going to the ER, but my lack of finance stopped me. 
I hope you are travelling okay my friend, sending you big hugs & lots of love. xxx

BB 🐰❤️

[HenryX]

@bipolarbunny @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @greenpea @Dimity @Mazarita @TideisTurning

and others on this thread.

Hello Everyone,

Hi BB, I am sorry that you are having a rough patch at the moment. I can certainly understand the cyclic mood swings. If it stayed the same way, it may be easier to deal with, but when you cannot anticipate the next up or down, or the range, it really stretches the capacity to cope.

I share with everyone else the wish for you to find an improved med'n or dosage that will help to maintain a more stable “internal space”.

I'm sure that I am with everyone here also, in appreciating your wry sense of humour; as Apple said,

“flying rat's lymph node ... hilarious”

It would be hard to tell whether it is the MI issues that bring out the best in terms of artistic writing and poetry, or the gift is with you in spite of the issues. Whichever way it is, your notes, while conveying the difficulties you experience, add a significant extra dimension to our days. Thank you.

I will put a note regarding the storm and continuing issues in the

“Climate Disasters ---- Cyclones” thread.

This note is to say that I am back to forums and have come out of the experience a lot better than many.

Thank you all for the positive sentiments expressed regarding the effects of the storm.

Right, off to have a look around at posts and responses. Assuming everything stays stable here, I will catch up tomorrow.

Best Wishes,

HenryX