Lived Experience Forum

[Neelix]

It's been a month now since my friend and I spoke online and 3 months since we visited one another.

I was visiting him one saturday. I was fidgeting and couldn't sit still. I was talking rapid and jumping topic's. From 1pm - 4pm he didn't speak to me. He spoke when he wanted CC's or cigarettes. I left feeling a little perturbed but thought maybe he wanted space. Over 3 weeks I sent cheery 'hello's' and he didn't reply.

2 months later he messaged me on Facebook and said I had scared him on the last visit. I was shocked. He said he was scared I was getting unwell. He said he wanted to give me a few weeks to settle down. He asked me to visit him in the weekend. He asked me to the movies and said he would pay. He said it was his job as a friend to be honest with me.

I asked how I scared him? He said it was because he thought I was becoming unwell.

I didn't visit that weekend. I was annoyed and I dunno felt let down that it took 2 months to tell me. I messaged him 2 weeks later to see if we were going to the movies. He sent me a scathing text and said he was over me scaring him. He said I should delete him from Facebook and who cares. He said I was disconnected from people and my mind is all over the place. Our friendship was not a sexual thing.

I was floored. I mean I dont know where all that came from. I couldn't even reply to his message I was at a loss. 2 hours later. I calmed and replied. He said 'oh sorry, I've not slept all week and don't feel myself'. He is a friend of nearly 3 years. We share sci-fi series & movies, we share reading and some music. We both love chillies. My head is to 'banged' up to think of sex with my friend lol I just enjoy the sharing and corney jokes.

His best friend says he's narcisstic but I think my friends not good at it lol gawd I dont say that to him. He does centre things on himself but I suspect it is childhood trauma and him learning to live with schizophrenia. I suppose as I've worked with 'victims of violence in the home' I have noticed his behaviour and responses to some things.

I miss him 😞 his laughter, corney jokes, taking my corn chips and well? you know how it is....

I just dont know what to think...it's like? you know somethings good but then you know somethings bad...

[utopia]

@Neelix. So sorry your friend has decided to terminate the friendship. I also had a special Facebook friend who just cut me off - no more contact. It's devastating and has you questioning yourself. What I finally learnt was that it was nothing about me. It was all about him. It was his decision. I had to mourn that friendship

[Queenie]

Hey @Neelix, I'm sorry you've had to go through the process of losing what sounds like a good friendship. Facebook can be a strange land for friendships, I find. I've had my fair share of what I thought were good friendships turn sour on Facebook over misunderstandings. Often when it is words on a screen, it is open to being interpreted so many different ways. 

Be as kind to yourself as you can. You need self-care right now.

[Chamomile]

Hi @Neelix,

Thanks for sharing your story. This sounds like such a tough experience, having a friend turn on you like that for no real reason. It could be that like he said, he's just going through a hard time and not himself at the moment. Still, knowing this doesnt neccasarily soften that feeling of missing the person, or disappointment in thier behaviour. Staying active and spending time with other friends can be helpful, when trying not to think too much about somebody. Maybe havinga browse through the different forum threads and connecting with people there could be a good way to build new friendships....

[Neelix]

Thanks @utopia @Queenie @Chamomile for your thoughts. I am trying to move along. I will try to be active and look ahead. Connecting with people is a issue I have as my mind is chaotic a fair bit and I can't always focus. Cheers for sharing to me

[Ricardorider]

Hi Neelix, yes also know how you feel. For some people, they can't or won't understand most if not all 'chronic' medical conditions and lifes challenges. Whether they are selfish or scared??? Scared of what. it's not catching its not something that will go away overnight or 'just take a tablet' or a visible condition like the 'arm in a cast' and its taken off in 5 weeks!!

I have had a chronic illness since '93. It was pre internet and the benefits of peer support as we have here, were who you could find and try to relate to. I am using a book called The Confidence Coach, from and Aussie writer. As i work through this book (which was recommended by my psychiatrist), am finding i am a 'people pleaser' Not a trait i was familiar with and not at work, moreso with 'freinds'  

So, after some very serious surgery, life threatening / life saving it haas taken me 3yrs to work throuhg a lot of things. My psychologist said i was and am still going well. So time for some reflection. I have finally worked out that my so-called friends haven't had my back for some time....years. I am still confronting this revelation. Its painful, its confronting and me feeling betrayed. A couple of 'mates' i challenged them and their response was unexpected and showed me they think of me as a doormat. Am single as well, so for a long time i have been the fith wheel, need a non-standard diet and don;t drink.

My '93 diagnosed condition was a challenge to get my head around and contributed to my anx and depression. Am still learning things about it and still realising its great to be alive but my 'mates' haven't and won't take the time to understand. In fact, I spent 3 months in hospital, i made all the calls and text messages, no one visited, no one intiated any contact. When I was discharged, again its was me making the running. no one visited me. move forward 3yrs and i am still feling the effects of my surgery diet and not able to do things, i like anymore.

So, this is still very raw, still making me angry, testing my ACT / CBT anger and sadness. People are insentive and unpredictable. Am grateful I now know. and aware that we all change but some people never do. If their lives are shallow then am of the conclusion, am better off without them, no freinds but better off. Sucks doesn't it