Lived Experience Forum

[Jessie21]

Happy Mother’s Day from Jessie21, from PTSD, big day I had phone calls from three of my adult children.   After the drama and trauma from my step daughter on Christmas Eve and her two sisters decided that blood is thicker then water.  They have taken their sisters side even though I allowed her to trigger the most painful PTSD attack.  Then posted on instagram for me to see her  making fun of my relapse.   I advised my husband (their Dad) that I did not want to hear or see from them.  I have been their step mum for thirty years, carried  out all the Mum duties, driving them to school, activities, baby sat their kids, took them in when things got tough for them, lent my car when ever they needed, provided financial support.    I am so upset that I have decided Our views how to treat people and values are so different that i no longer want to be their step mum. 
When we move into our new over 55 apartment next week there is no reason for me to be in their life.  Luckily I will still be able to see my grandkids and great grandkids because they appear to still see me as their grandmother 💕. 

[AussieRecharger]

Happy Mothers day @Jessie21 

It's exciting to read that beyond what has happened to you, you still have a focus on family and life.  Families are challenging, they say the family is the one you put your love into. We talk about blood, but really what is a family without love, it's really a burden on our happiness.  

I hope you enjoy the new over 55's community. 

[Jessie21]

@AussieRecharger thank you for your response. Yes I totally agree just blood does not make you a good person. Love comes from a genuine respect, trust and having your loved ones back when required. Also caring enough about that person to genuinely wanting to be with, know them with all positive and negative attributes. Feeling safe to talk about just about anything without being judged.

[hanami]

Hey @Jessie21 

I'm so sorry your step children have done this to you, how awful. It must be so hard after all you have done for them. Like @AussieRecharger I'm glad you can see past this and look forward to your new apartment and time with your grandchildren 💜

hanami 💮

[Appleblossom]

@Jessie21 

Your last post was really important for me to read.  Yes.  I agree. 

Blended and step families can be extra difficult.

It feels awful to have given one's life in many daily acts of love and be treated so poorly.

Take Care of you.

[Jessie21]

@hanami thank you for your response. It hurts so much, I am working hard on myself esteem. I think I am also grieving that I have lost a something that was superficial and not real. I keep reminding myself that I have had a number of cruel experiences in my life and I can get through this one. I have learnt how good boundaries and avoiding cruel people.

[Jessie21]

@Appleblossom  Thank you I so agree blended families are not easy.  I really tried to be fair and kind and only deal with the serious issues.  My way to deal with it was I talked to my  husband that  I would talk and discipline my children if required and he should do the same with his girls.  However as the step girls now are adults, they get offended and think I am forcing their father to take sides.  And yet if I pull up one the other two gang up on me.  So no win situation.  I suppose I should be proud of myself that I survived for 30 years 👏🏻

[Appleblossom]

@Jessie21 Yes you have survived. Congratulations.

Sometimes ideas like ... water off a ducks back ... and building an interior castle ... have helped protect me from unkindness in the family.

[AussieRecharger]

@Jessie21 

It might be worthwhile pointing out that when we are experiencing difficult times, our brains can be wired to go into protection mode and see everything as a threat.  Your brain is not going to point that out to you so please be mindful of your body, and how stressed it feels during these experiences. 

If you notice you are stressed and tense.. try to do something to unwind that tension before trying to process difficult events. 

[Jessie21]

@AussieRecharger , yes your correct my moods and thoughts are all over the place and I am totally reading my moods and my body.  Today I was feeling angry about the situation, not good.  Yes best thing I could do was go for a walk then do a one hour meditation to reduce anger and it worked!  I don’t want to put my step daughters down any further, all I know is I need to look after myself.  I have good reason to feel the way I do and I will continue to keep my distance until I feel improved and safe.   I am happy for my husband to spend time with his girls as he and they need.   As we down size I am happy to give my step kids what ever they want from our furnishings, appliances. So I believe I am still being kind and generous under difficult times for me.