Lived Experience Forum

[Lookinginspace]

I am anxious and depressed and have been for over twenty years.  Actually I think I've been some form of different all my life.  My husband and I are still together.  I am not entirely sure we should be.  He alternates between tolerant and downright hurtful.  Recently he's said that he probably only has twenty good years left and he doesn't want to spend them in turmoil - I'm sure he meant the kind of turmoil that is stirred up by someone like me.  And my daughters love me but they can't deal with it - they have too much going on in their lives to help me.  Or, my mind being what it is - I can imagine they think they'd be pandering, giving weight and attention to the problem, which I alone am truly responsible for.  So then, am I or should I be alone with this?  That's why I'm here.  I'm here because I'm just "in my head".  So many thoughts.  Misperceptions, delusions, disappointments....with nowhere to go and getting rid of the past and focusing only on the now- just a concept I can't make real.

[tyme]

Good Evening @Lookinginspace ,

Welcome to the SANE forums.

It takes a lot to reach out to a community, even if it is just to 'clear your head'. 

I hear you, and I'm sure there are many others on the forums who would be more than willing to share their insights into the situation through they eyes of their own experiences.

Our community here is peer-led, and we come together to share what is happening for us.

I hope you will find the connection you deserve, as well as a sense of belonging.

Kindest, tyme

[Lookinginspace]

Thank you very much

[Captain24]

Hi @Lookinginspace 

Welcome and I here you.

While I can’t relate to the husband and children as I don’t have either. I have had and felt similar with friends in the past. The only thing with friends though is that I can withdraw completely from them and usually end up pushing them away.

Im currently learning that you do not need to be and should not be alone going through this. It can be very challenging. 

After joining this forum I have discovered that I’m not alone and that people do care. Also the people on here ‘get it’ . Which helps to realise it’s not just you in this head space. 

I have had some growth since being on here and starting to understand myself and my feelings more. Yes I have good days and bad days, and have a long way to go. However being able to be open and honest on here that I can’t do in my outside life has helped me immensely. 

I hope you are able to benefit like I have. 

You have taken the first step by sharing already. 

Captain24

[tyme]

Do you currently have any outside supports who you can speak to @Lookinginspace ? Say, trusted person, GP?

It is important you feel you can speak to someone. 

Have you ever tried writing your thoughts down? Not for the purpose of reading it - but more for the purpose of letting it out. It's like releasing a vent in a pressure cooker. It allows the steam to escape so that there is less chance of blowing up.

Please feel free to tag me to your messages so that I get a notification when you post. You do this by typing "@" to the beginning of a name, begin typing the name, then pick the name from a drop-down list.

All the best @Lookinginspace ,

tyme

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @Lookinginspace 

Welcome 😊 I can understand feeling anxious and depressed and having a lot of thoughts and not know what to do with them. 

I'm wondering if you have the support of a psychologist or counsellor as it seems like there is a lot you want to work through. It's a lot to try and process on your own and sometimes we keep repeating the same patterns. I have found therapy to be very helpful in my own experience. 

Wishing you all the best 🌼

[Bow]

Hey @Lookinginspace  welcome to the forums. I really hope that you find some connection here and that you soon know that you are not so alone in all of this. 

Coming to the forums for me is like walking into a safe room where there is no judgment and I know that there will always be someone around to hear what is going on for me. I’m hope you find that here too.

[Bear21]

Hi

i feel that you can definitely get better. Lean on friends or sisters/ brothers/ other family that might have a fresh perspective. Also talk to gp or counsellor. I am going through depression/anxiety and there are also good days along with the bad. So just look for the good parts of your life even if it’s just a smile from a stranger then that might get you through the day.

[tyme]

Hi @Bear21 ,

That's a very good way of putting it. It's not about not having the down days, but about managing them in a way that works. Good on you!

tyme

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Lookinginspace,

Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is a great you are reaching out and brave of your to share your story and feelings with us. Please know that this is a safe, non-judgemental space with many kind and understanding members with a lot of wisdom and lived experience.

I'm sorry you are going through such a challenging time - it's sounds difficult and painful. Particularly if you don't feel like you can share with the people in your life. 

I think we get all caught up in our own thoughts sometimes. I find when this happens to me I often go down a type of rabbit hole because my `self-talk' typically reinforces and compounds my negative thinking and things just go downhill from there. As such I try to talk to others (friends, family, peer group chats, etc) about how I'm feeling. Sometimes just hearing someone offer a new way of thinking and/or seeing a problem can really help shift a person's thinking. 

Anxiety and depression is something I have also struggled with for many years but I also know that they are both very treatable and there is a lot of support out there. Do you have a GP you could speak to? Maybe just talking with someone outside your family would help you unpack your feelings and your thoughts. GP's are a great starting point if you're not sure how / where to get help. Another option (if you do feel you would like someone to talk to) is the SANE Support Centre which is a free service and is available from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat.

I really believe just sharing your feelings with someone else that is non-judgemental and trustworthy can help you feel a little better. 

Wishing you all the best,

FloatingFeather