Lived Experience Forum

[bazzy]

@tyme I was betrayed by a lot of people in that Department where I was promised the space agency which is my childhood dream and then to be thrown in the deep end and my innocence destroyed  and them trying to destroy my dream and everyone else in the world get what they want except me. 

[bazzy]

I am still struggling atm i am having sadistic outburst of anger at my parents I cannot feel any remorse after that's the sad bit I just want my oldself back 

[Flying_Hams]

Hey @bazzy
sorry to hear things aren't good atm

here to listen

[bazzy]

I just left the house the corporate team have seriously done a number on me. Weakened me and made my former boss stronger and dependent on them. Who was a narcissistic boss. Now, I feel my life has been determined and people are literally going to take me for a ride if I work in the corporate world. I do feel like killing myself because that seems to be the only option for me because and I've lost the trust of my parents and family too.

[tyme]

Hey @bazzy ,

Haven't seen you around in a while. 

I'm sorry things don't seem too pleasant at the moment. 

I'm here if you want to chat about it.

tyme

[bazzy]

So, communication with my parents hasn't been the same. I feel my life won't be as good and I am scared I saw that Department use my own data or information against me and people who have a high social status are able persuade people as partners to break up relationships with certain people just for their own narcissistic amusement and people who are sick in their heads. I could see why some people turn gay, or change genders or commit suicide because of how sick the world is and can be currently. All because I was perceived as boring and i don't feel like my former self and the trauma I have had to endure will take an extremely long time and it's such a dehumanising work culture and sadly that's encouraged because it's like go with the flow and if you can't beat them join them motto which may work. I am struggling with flashbacks I am going to see if affirmation work but I will see affirmation may work at workplace and I was belittled a lot where guys were acting like immature brats like people were constantly mocking me for my private part size and how their is bigger the girls were equally as bad.

[tyme]

I'm so sorry to hear how dehumanising a work culture can be @bazzy . I know you've posted of it in the past - it's disgraceful that such things occur in the 21st century.

Without dismissing what has happened to you, what do you think could help you now, in the moment, so that you do not have to dwell on the pain of the past?

I know you mentioned you cannot speak to your parents, but do you have a therapist/counsellor etc who you can speak to? There's just so much to tackle, and it wouldn't be fair you have to do it on your own.

Please take care @bazzy ,

tyme

[bazzy]

I don't know how because of the brainwashing and conditioning it's difficult for me to get past that stage. Everyday feels different and I saw them change my psychological profile too. Some of them really tried but some invisible force was stopping me and I feel like I am making them the winner by bringing it up. I saw the system change people and no matter how pure your intention maybe I am worried that I may end up taking up smoking, drinking or being killed off or worse they might destroy off my family. I saw them psychologically change people break families apart, destroy mental health of staff and put through a number of people through suicide and poverty and give them a false sense of reality.

I saw that Department played god and they had this "we care" thing it was all bogus nothing more than a tactic to lure you in based on your looks and they socially partner you up with certain social groups or girls based on ethnicity and people were brainwashed into thinking they were making a difference but all they were doing was delaying their onset of depression or taking addiction as a bad habit and not tackling the problem and if they try to they get punished by the work environment just for the amusement of the staff members by failing them and to show them what real life is all about. Not only that, they used psychology to permanently sever and destroy relationships.

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @bazzy,

Your experiences sound incredibly tough and frightening to go through. 

I want to echo the advice of Tyme in that you deserve to speak about this with a psychologist or counsellor if that might be helpful. It is so much to have gone through and it can be helpful to have a consistent source of support.

If you would like to speak to someone today, please do not hesitate to reach out to a helpline. 

You can also speak with the SANE Support Centre, available Monday-Friday 10am-10pm AEST on 1800 187 263.

Take very good care of yourself 💜

[bazzy]

I will try but I don't know if that will help me in the long run because there is always going to be someone better than you and when you've lost your own inner voice which has been silenced by the work environment. What do you do? I feel numb, I cannot even cannot with my parents anywhere because of part of me has stripped. My own fears were used against me where I was being targeted as a fraud or the staff members were targeted as fraud when they but they try to find loopholes in order to get you and force you feel guilty. My only wish is that Department and entire corporate system and the management gets a pain worse than death or torture. There is a lot of trauma bonding and love bombs being given in that department so because you are human you let your guard down. This obsession of money and power is just BS my parents go you will perish if you have that kind of mentality. No wonder the aged care homes are already strained. They rape your mind and brainwash it and they use that so that can giggle at your struggle and learn from it and break families or relationships apart.