Lived Experience Forum

[Krishna]

Oh darling @Appleblossom such a big life you've been dealt. No wonder you are full of so much love and compassion for others, truly beautiful and rare human qualities that I feel are stronger in those who have suffered. And reading of your shared laughter with your son has made me smile and happy you had that experience. Good medicine is laughter. I wish for you an easygoing afternoon and rest filled evening. 

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Shaz51 

and @Krishna 

It was about closing the loo door after number 2s!

The thing is I had been silenced from speaking for so long about the normal and basic things of life as everyobody had so many sensitive spots. That is an impossible way to parent, and has many consequences. In the end silence was my wiser option until I found the forum and could let my fingers do the talking as opposed to doing the walking .. I am happy enough to do my own walking.  

I am very mindful of the associations and issues around the word "schizophrenia".  Yes there are some common elements which might support the categorisation of persons, but each "schizophrenic" is very unique and individual and their particular trauma story matters.  At least we have progressed a little from blaming the parents, but only a little.  @Krishna

 Allowing for boundaries can be important to clarify the specifics of the dynamics between people.

Maintaining the dignity of motherhood is important.  It is NOT a level playing field, where all mothers can draw on the same material, social or personal resources. If professionals keep a blame going undermining that core relationship they are actually doing harm in the long run.  A lot depends on the individual of course, but most parents do want to do the right thing.

I quite like much of what Bessel van de kolk has to say ... and maybe it is no surprise that we both came from families damaged in occupied territories in World War 2.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM 

[Krishna]

@Appleblossom love the reason for you and your sons giggles. The simple things hey! 

[Anastasia]

Sending you gentle hugs @Appleblossom.

Short on pretty much everything at present but please know that my lack of words do not equal lack of care or compassion. I hear you and I feel for you, such a difficult day for you. I am sorry.

Hugs and love today and everyday for that matter my friend - you are doing a remarkable job at being the very best Mum xox 

@Krishna 

[Appleblossom]

I dug out some colourful felt (30 year old!) which will be good for spelling my grandson's name on his book bag.  I have some lovely Australian books to fill it.

My son would have seen his name partly spelt on the kitchen bench, but did not say anything when I checked in with him, beyond his need for sleep and that he does not need dinner.

So that is the way it is to be today.  

Calm & Steady Apple

[Shaz51]

@Appleblossom, @Anastasia , @Krishna , @rivergal , @Historylover , @Emelia8 , @Zoe7 , @Faith-and-Hope 

I could not have any children of my own 

my little brother died when i was 5 years old 

[Krishna]

Oh @Shaz51 so very sad to hear of your loss at such a tender age. That would have been very confusing and hard to understand at 5. Do you have other siblings? 

[Shaz51]

no @Krishna  other siblings? , just me and my parents broke up when i was 11 because my father was emotionally and mentally abusing me and i was soo skiny that mum decided we needed to go away 

[Krishna]

@Shaz51 I'm glad your mother had the courage to make that decision and carry through with it. Would have been very traumatic for you both and no doubt has left some emotional scars 😥 although some wounds take a long time to heal.

[Anastasia]

Oh @Shaz51 you are such an inspiration so much heartbreak but you are such a beautiful soul 💕

Hugs and love