I think the novelty of being released from hospital has passed and now I feel really flat. This is exacerbated probably in the knowledge that I cannot do what I want to do in life. All I wanted was to be a social worker, assisting those who are vulnerable because of mh issues. Reality has hit me and I know, even if I continue to study, I will never work again. My psychiatrist was right, my support worker was right and my wife was right. Feeling pretty crap knowing there’s nothing I can do to get rid of my illness. Usually this knowledge would be enough to push me into depression, but while I have this flat feeling, it’s not depression either.
Hey @Queenie That crash after hospital is always hard.
When reading your post I thought about something I try to tell myself. I say ‘I’m just not ready now’. That implies that in the future I might be. Maybe there will be a new medication or treatment that will change. We don’t really know what happens in the future. For me personally when I can accept where I am at for now it brings some peace. As soon as I think about goals and future dreams I spiral downwards.
In the meantime is there a way you can volunteer somewhere where you can use your skills and help those most vulnerable.
I usually like to see my hospital and respite breaks as a chance to reset and start anew.
Its often when I try new things.
Sorry that you are feeling crappy. I hope you find something that helps you feel more at ease with the present. 💜🤗
@Queenie Hi Queenie yes it hurts doesn't it. Makes you feel nothing but a dull aching pain .... this is generally when I turn up Nirvana really loud and spend my night hours awake in the quiet with just me and the vampires and the werewolves. Do something nice for yourself today. Whatever you want. You deserve it as you are in mourning for something that cannot be attained .... I know believe me the pea knows only to well. xxxx
Hi @Queenie , I've been pretty flat myself for the last few months. I haven't been in your position before, but, my heart goes out to you and hopes that something else can fill that part of your life. It sounds like you have some support and are in a fairly positive environment despite the setbacks that you are going through.
If you don't mind my asking, why couldn't you be a social worker? I've heard that they like people that have been inside and know the system. You don't have to answer that if your not comfortable. At some point I thought I might look at doing that line of work as I enjoy trying to help people.
Hey @Teej thanks for thinking of me. I would love to volunteer somewhere in the mental health sphere, even if it is just being a companion to those in hospital too. I just have a lot of self doubt surrounding my capabilities. I think @greenpea (thanks for replying) is right, I’m in mourning over the loss of a dream. I have to be realistic, I don’t think I can do another 8 years of study and stress. This course took a lot outta me that I haven’t got a hope of getting back.
@Gazza75 while I’m good at the theory involved with study, I’m no good and get super stressed by all the prac. Considering there’s between 800 to 1000 hours of prac in the degree, it’s probably way beyond my reach.
I can sort of relate there @Queenie I felt that way when I came out of hospital last year. When reality hits me, it's almost sobering up. It's like I was drunk on an idea and then my body (in this case mind) dries up and realises the truth and reality of the situation.
I would think that your goal of a social worker is still attainable isnt it? Can you finish your degree via correspondence or part time study?
I always used to think I had to get rid of my illness in order for my life to improve - but that isn't true. It can improve around the illness.
Anyway. I'm just spitballing. I feel the same of late. I'm using sane chat as I type this out so hopefully it helps me. Atm I am just very stressed about the job search process I'm going through atm
Hey there @Hamsolo01 I hope you’re okay after using chat.
I think I need to be realistic in my dreams (sort of like aiming to climb Everest without first climbing a hill really). I think I got carried away with the notion of being able to make a difference in people’s lives but not realising how much it takes to get there. I mean it’s all well and good to have dreams and ambitions, but not unrealistic ones.
I think I will continue to study but just something far less challenging as the prospect of university.
I’m still struggling to find my feet outside of hospital. It is frightening to think I was nearly going to be sent to an institution. I’m glad to be home.
Please don't be put off by this @Queenie, you are helping people simply by being here. It's great that you are expanding your skills to work in the sector, I know that you said that the prac hours would be hard, could you do the prac hours online? There are services that do online chat-based counselling.
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