Lived Experience Forum

[Scared32]

A few weeks ago I drove to my friend’s engagement party. I don’t like driving, especially in the dark, as my OCD goes into overdrive. It was especially bad driving home and I kept thinking I had hit a cat and had to keep stopping to check. I wasn’t concentrating properly because I was consumed in worry. At one point I thought I might have hit something because I wasn’t concentrating properly. I stopped at the side of the road and got out and looked. I was really upset and crying. I managed to get back into the car and drive home to my Mum and dads.

Today I was in the car with Mum and we drive past that same spot, I looked because I knew that was where I had freaked out. And there was a dead cat there, lying at the side of the road! It looked like it had been there for a long time.

I feel gutted because in my heart of hearts I didn’t think I had actually hit anything! I feel terrible and I cried and have spend most of the rest of the day in bed. I live in Launceston. It’s not a big city and this seems like too much of a coincidence! Poor cat! I’ve taken it’s life! I love my animals more than anything and can’t believe I’ve done this to a living soul. I don’t know what to do.

[MDT]

Hey @Scared32
OCD is easily one of the most debilitating illnesses. I personally don't have it but I do know it's effects well and can see you are hurting atm.
Remember self care and remember to do what makes you feel better.
Bare in mind too that you don't know if you hit that cat for sure.

[frog]

Hello @Scared32 I really feel for you. You sound like a sensitive soul, with a heart for animals. 

If the worst case scenario is true and you and the cat did collide, there was absolutely no intent on your part, quite the opposite. Either way, the cat crossed the rainbow brindge very quickly and did not suffer.

Try and commit the cat to the universe and let yourself off the hook so that you can care for yourself and your animals. I am thinking of you and sending peace your way.

[utopia]

@Scared32. If you did hit this cat, it was 100% an accident. Not your fault at all. I've been driving for years, but one day while driving through a bend, I ran over a snake sunning himself on the road. I couldn't stop in time. I felt very shaken up afterwards. But I didn't mean to run over it. It was a genuine accident. <br>Please go gently with yourself. It was an accident. You should try not to feel guilty

[Queenie]

@Scared32 IF you and the cat did run into each other, it was an accident and in no way your fault. You must be one of those special sensitive souls with a love for animals. I'm sorry you had such a bad night driving home the other night. I don't have OCD but know how debilitating it can be.

[Scared32]

Thank you to the lovely people who replied. It did help to read your supportive words. I love animals and my OCD feeds upon my worst fears of hurting them. I still keep thinking about it but you have helped so much. Thank you xx