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Bee82
Senior Contributor

Ex has moved on :(

Hi! 
I’ve never reached out to anyone on anything like this before but I am feeling completely broken. Four weeks ago I asked my ex, the father of my kids (who I’m still in love with) if he had moved on. He replied “I’m not gonna lie I am seeing someone” .. since this day I have been completely heart broken I can’t even explain how I am feeling. He works away in Mt Isa for months & is coming back to see our daughters less & less but video calls them most nights. 

All I can think about is him with someone else 24/7 feel like I’m in a deep dark hole I can’t get out of. I just can’t snap out of it. He knows I still love him but he doesn’t care. He knows I’ve been in hospital last week but did not text once to ask if I was ok or our daughters were ok. He knows Im not ok & upset but says nothing. He has never been able to communicate with me & is terrible at communicating wit most people. 

I feel so worthless & sad. I don’t know how to act towards him & just wish I could win him back 😞 or get him to realise he wants to come home to me & my daughters. I gave everything to him but feel he never made any effort in return just continued to work away. 

just don’t know what to do anymore 😞 😞 😞

72 REPLIES 72

Re: Ex has moved on :(

Hi Bee82, 

 

Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment. Its definitely not easy to be in your position. You have been very strong dealing with your emotions and also taking care of your daughters. Give yourself some time to come in terms with your feelings.

 

Is there anyone you can talk to who is close to you and will understand you right now? And you know the forum is always there to support you in times like these. 

 

Sending you lots of warm hugs, 

Turtlely 

Re: Ex has moved on :(

It sounds like he's wearing you down, @Bee82. I only suggest you start to look after yourself and get over him. Start realizing that you deserve better than him and his disrespectful, manipulative and uncaring treatment of you. I'm not suggesting another relationship. I'm suggesting you start looking after yourself and let your life take a better, more fulfilling direction. You can't love such a person. Perhaps you just want your life back the way you had it, even if it wasn't perfect.

 

It sounds like you put up with a lot with a husband who worked away so often, and you were already raising your children by yourself. It's likely that he is assessing your suffering every time he video calls and is just playing you–perhaps that's the real reason he video calls. 

 

He sounds like a monster, @Bee82. Just start looking after yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this, but there's a lot of us out there.

 

You may be sad @Bee82, but you're far from worthless. He's just trying to make you feel that way. 

 

Sending best wishes to you. 

 

Re: Ex has moved on :(

@Bee82 

Hey there.

sounds to me like you are suffering the effect of traumatic attachment problems. 
while you are pulling towards him (I love him and want him to come back), you are also pushing away (unbearable that he is cold and doesn’t communicate with you).

I may be picking up the wrong vibes with this so please forgive if I have miss interpreted.


What I am hearing is that he has never been a good partner to you but you gave him everything and you are still %100 committed.

I just want you to know that you deserve love and you deserve to be treated with mutual respect and care. You do deserve that. Unfortunately this person can not give that to you. I’m sorry that this has happened. 

please take care of yourself and treat yourself with the love and compassion that you deserve. The good news is that you do not need him to treat you good. You can do that for yourself. Be all the things for yourself that you need. Be your own source of love and care.

Re: Ex has moved on :(

Hi there @Bee82
I just split with my partner too.
I am really hurting

Sitting with you

Re: Ex has moved on :(

😞 I really hope you are ok X

Re: Ex has moved on :(

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it & u are probably right, I just feel so stuck right now 😞 I wish I could make him think .. “I fucked up” or hurt him the way he has hurt me but I don’t think that’s possible. Just really don’t know how to act towards him. Show him I’m upset? Show him I’m angry? I just don’t know 😞

Re: Ex has moved on :(

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it & u are probably right, I just feel so stuck right now 😞 I wish I could make him think .. “I fucked up” or hurt him the way he has hurt me but I don’t think that’s possible. Just really don’t know how to act towards him. Show him I’m upset? Show him I’m angry? I just don’t know!

Re: Ex has moved on :(

Hi @Bee82 ,

 

Welcome to the forums. I hear you pain is so real and so raw. 4 weeks may feel long, but in the light of things, when you’ve been ‘together’ with someone for a number of years or so, 4 weeks is a very short time. It wouldn’t be right to “get over” it in 4 weeks, seeing that your connection with him has been for a while.

 

I think the hardest part is that we cannot change others. We may try, but if their heart is not in it, whatever you do or say most likely won’t work. 

It seems for now, it is about looking after yourself. You deserve more. You deserve better. You deserve to live a life. While he is working away, you have had to take full responsibility of your family. It doesn’t seem fair, does it?

 

Let him see you move on. He can envy you for what you’ve been able to gain WITHOUT HIM!

 

You are stronger and braver than what you currently feel. Let yourself be kind to yourself.

 

Hugs. I hope to hear from you.

Re: Ex has moved on :(

He's a cad, @Bee82. He's hurting you and enjoying the pain he's causing you. It makes him feel in control and powerful–and more than he really is. What you do is up to you, but you're better off without him even if your pain is currently affecting your perception of the situation. Take care. Sending best wishes.

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