Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Teej  .... 💜

Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a rough patch from now until our family law issue is finalised .... and maybe beyond, because we have a disabled dependent "forever child" ..... 😔

I am managing by focusing on anything and everything else, and coasting / floating in between to try to conserve and / or recover energy.  He will do his worst, unfortunately, but as I think @Smc  indicated from other people she knows, it's actually exposing him for what he is more and more the longer our case drags out.  If that helps others, including my baby dragons to raise their shields, that is a god thing.  I just have to outlast the continuing abuse, (his) lawyer-sanctioned, that is continuing to arrive in my Inbox and via construction of my finances.

There will be a day of reckoning.

[Corny]

I hope that things aren't too stressful @Faith-and-Hope but I am sure that they absolutely are. I have been there with lawyers in the deceased estate of an abusive person who suffered from NPD. It went on for....gosh, I think it was almost 3 years! He also had heart disease and arthritis and asthma too, so NPD was just another diagnosis, it was who he was as a person that made the difference. I have never been married so I haven't lived what you are going through, which means I don't have the capacity to understand it completely but I have been financially abused myself. And now here I am without any capacity to support myself financially and its abusive men that got me here.

I am always in two minds of writing on this thread, because I don't want to trigger you. Having PTSD I have to keep all the triggers down and it is a full time job in itself, with lots of changes required to manage it, so I hope I don't trigger you and just don't reply if I have, ignore me!

When you are under that degree of stress you become quite numb and once you fall in a heap you will be amazed that you even survived the process. 

I hope that you have family and friends close by to cook you a yummy home cooked meal and maybe you even have an open fire or something else cosy and soothing. We all need a soothing balm for our ScoMo rash now that new budget was released, big bear hugs, Corny 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks so much @Corny ..... I can recognise that at times I am running in adrenaline, and that when I look back I will be wondering how I got through it all.  I thank God I have Mt beautiful kids and grandbaby, and my studies to focus on.  The edge of the legals is fuelling my creativity ..... lemons to lemonade sort of thing ...... which is giving me some satisfaction that the process is going to have been worth it.  It feels like I am running hard to put distance between me and him, and the more abusive he is the greater the distance achieved now, because it has become obvious that that is what he is, even if other people don't have a label for it.  It's still just "wow, that's so bad !!"

[Corny]

I think that that is a really big step @Faith-and-Hope .

And lets face it, it is easier to accept that he is mentally ill than it is to accept that he is abusive. He probably wasn't always like that.......but over the years things happen. His parents may have passed and his business success would have impacted things. Your adult children will probably never see it that way because they want to keep that attachment with him, and still seek his approval and love.

But abusive people get arthritis, abusive people get cancer, abusive people get lung disease, abusive people get arthritis, abusive people get strokes, it is really not that surprising that they can also get schizophrenia, BP, BPD, PTSD, anxiety and depression. In fact you'd expect that statistically they will.

You're still at the early stages @Faith-and-Hope even though the divorce has gone through officially it takes some time for the emotions to catch up, so you can work through them. Betrayal is a devastating emotion to work through and the power of the mind to suppress never ceases to amaze me the older I get. I am working through some fresh trauma memories at the moment, I think that's why I have relapsed and I think that they are only surfacing because I severed ties with my mother, and I have some semblance of safety for the first time in my life at the ripe old age of 40. My mind and heart is opening again because the body doesn't lie and remembers everything and it is absolutely terrifying, but I know deep down I will get through it and I will be OK. Even if I end up back in the honeymoon suite, which I am hoping I will not, but even if I do, I know I will be OK. And you will too! The adrenalin takes its toll on our health but you will get through!

Big hugs, Corny 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Corny  .... 💜🌽

[outlander]

@Faith-and-Hope @Corny @Teej 

[Faith-and-Hope]

That is beautiful @outlander ..... thank you.  Thinking of you too Hon 💐💕

[Appleblossom]

Glad you have your art and studies keeps it extoverted and socially connected.

@Faith-and-Hope 

Some art with Coffee?Woman Looking forward

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks so much @Appleblossom ....,, ❤️

[Shaz51]

how are you going my awesome friend @Faith-and-Hope 

how is everything going xx

have been praying for you and your family 

i am missing @Former-Member , people come and go through life 

Hello and hugs @Appleblossom , @outlander , @Corny , @Teej