Hi, I am in a long distance relationship with someone who has just fallen into a hole due to failing as a writer and now having no income. I used to subsidise him but can’t afford to any longer. He’s just waiting for everything to close in on him. He won’t look for work and now has no income just debt. He won’t seek help. Says his life is pointless. I was so worried that I recently travelled to the US and spent two weeks with him and he seemed to turn a corner but as soon as I left he literally went to bed. Our daily Skype contact has ended and I just receive messages telling me that he loves me, we will see each other again but his life is over and that he is worthless. I’ve tried to be helpful. His father is with him temporarily and he will soon be evicted and have to return to his familial home in another state. I’m bereft that he won’t engage and finding patience so hard. I’ve been encouraging, offered to listen but he’s without hope. Messages are short and filled with despair. He doesn’t see any options (of which there are many) and refuses help. Since he has no history of mental illness but has had periods of withdrawal in the past, I’m torn as to whether this is depression or just a deep sadness in the face of failure. I simply keep in touch every day hoping he’ll come and talk about his future plans but at the moment he’s simply existing. It’s now been 13 days since we’ve Skyped and 15 days since I last saw him. I have long suspected he has NPD or bi-polar but he’s never been diagnosed.
Aw @Mitoko, that sounds like a really challenging position to be in! Being so far away must feel a little helpless. Do you feel like maybe his father being around temporarily is affecting his moods as well? It sounds like you're trying your best to be supportive without enabling dependency on your funds. How are you holding up, are you okay?
Thanks. His father is there to help him move back and hopefully get some counselling. He’s even stopped messaging now although he sees my posts. I’m in the dark. I just keep posting encouraging messages in the hope that he’ll eventiall come round.
Sounds like that's all you can do for him at the moment, @Mitoko, sending loving messages letting him know you're there when he's ready to talk and just hope he feels better soon so he can respond. His father being there to ensure he gets some care should help. It's a tough spot to be in, sending you love and hope you're looking after yourself while you wait to hear back
We spoke on Skype briefly on the 14th. He’s just waiting to be evicted and for his creditors to start chasing him. I don’t think there’s any more I can do. Refuses to find work or help himself out of the hole. We text each day but he remains in the same state.
Well, much the same. We text each day (usually something negative or about wanting to give up). Today we Skyped and I pretty much told him that it's time for him to make a decision now. Whether to actively pursue an income or pack up and go home. This has been going on now since January 2019. I think five months of this behaviour without seeking help or support or looking for paid work is long enough. We'll see how it pans out. Thank you for your concern.
My pleasure @Mitoko, we try look out for each other on here Sounds like you've done what you can, and it might be a wake up for him that you've told him he needs to make the decision now. Hope you're doing something kind for yourself each day
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