Lived Experience Forum

[health4s]

The weekend has been harder. My spouse is studying for an exam. I am trying to engage my two young kids. I am switching from one antidepressant to another. I am tired and irritable. I am unable to handle them. I was shouting and cursing them. I finally gave up and let them watch videos to keep me off my back (while they have already clocked many hours today). Do any of you struggle with your kids? How do you cope up?

[Former-Member]

Hi @health4s - i dont know that there is anyone who doesnt struggle with raising kids and have good and bad days, no matter whether or not there is any sort of mental illness on top... parenting really is hard!
You have so much going on with a partner who's busy and stressed and you changing meds (i know that sucks!!) i have major depression and ptsd, and its been so hard to balance everything for my kids. I'm a single mum. I think giving hte kids a down time where its calm and queit for a while to watch DVD's is really good! It won't hurt them and by the way that you write it's not something you want them to always do! When my kids were little and my son used to still have a nap, that would be when i put on a video for my older child and she knew that it was calm time so we all had a rest... it's ok!
Yes, i definitely have days when i struggle with my kids and just feel overwhelmed. I'm not a shouter or curser adn probably struggle more with enforcing strict routines and firmness because its so exhausting on my own at times (i know that's an excuse!), but working on it too. I used to talk alot to my psychologist about my parenting worries and she was always saying that I get most things, and the important things right and right enough, most of the time, which is what all good parents do... that we never get it all right, that we'll never be perfect etc... but being able to talk through stuff was really helpful. Do you have any support, especially while switching meds?
(also, welcome to the forums!)

[kv22]

I have no advice on the coping, sorry, but I empathise. I have a wonderful three-year-old son, but he's full on (people keep telling me it's normal, but I watch him around groups of other kids and none of them are as full on as him - I don't think there's anything wrong with him, but he's intense and very demanding). Even getting dressed in the morning is this huge thing that can take up to an hour, and being depressed, I find it hard to keep my cool. And then of course I feel awful because he's just a kid and it's not his fault that I'm depressed. 

I hope your meds are sorted out soon and you start feeling better. Depression makes parenting super hard 😞

[health4s]

Lisa Jane and kv22, thanks much for your response and inputs. I was seeing a therapist and it was helpful. It has been a year since I met her. I will try to get an appointment with her soon.

[Former-Member]

I'm really glad that you will try and get an appointment with the therapist again @health4s and hope that it helps. Do you have other supports or opportunities to get out with you lil one much? like a playgroup etc?
Hi @kv22 - my son is the same, he has a diagnosis of sensory processing disorder - getting him to wear socks is ... hard work because he cant stand the feel of the clothes. as a toddler he preferred to be without clothes lol! he has other diagnosis as well and i feel a lot of shame because i know that his early years are partly to blame and that i didnt do enough for him... guilt is heavy but probably doesnt do anything helpful and tends to take all my energy if i get sucked into it too much. At the moment im trying to focus on whatever the next thing is that i can do and i have long lists that im trying to tick off. My psychlogist would always suggest that i try to think of things that i'm doing well or one thing that i have managed... even if its just that they're clean, and well fed for today, or that i cuddled and hugged them throughout the day etc... I do try to do this but its often .. harder than it should be to think of the 'positives' because the talk of the depression is so much louder... anyways sorry for talking too much!
Hope you both find the forums helpful 🙂 if you add an @ symbol in the front of peoples user names it will send them an email to say you've replied (unless they've turned notifications completely off). Feel free to tag people when responding so they know 🙂
take care of you both.

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @health4s

Welcome to the forum.

If you put the @ symbol in front of someone's name it will send an email to them with your post.

Regards

SleepyPanda

[Owlunar]

Hi @health4s

I understand - it's well in my past now but I had a child who had an MI and was major trouble and I developed reactive depression and it was a nightmare

I don't know what to suggest but you are certainly not alone - my kids' Dad was not a man who could engage with difficult life-issues and withdrew in silence - I wish things are been easier for him but this was not the case - 

I was very stressed and yelled a lot - my other child was easier to manage and had a tv in her room and would only watch what she wanted to and left it alone - my son was addicted to the tv and spent hours watching it but my mother said it kept him quiet and let him do it but I never felt right about it - still life went on

I don't remember how old your children are - when my son was pre-school I had him in day-care a couple of days a week which did cost more than was affordable at the time but it helped - and when he was at home I would tell him to lay on this bed in the afternoon and I would sit outside his door knitting and yes would fall asleep pretty often - and I could often hear my daughter colouring in or playing with her dolls - she knew that afternoons were rest times and was agreeable

I guess I had chalk-and-cheese kids - I am sure you are doing your best with them and I know how stressful it is with children who are hard to manage and I know my own mental health impacted and was impacted - not a good mixture

I am sure other people will have suggestions- for me this was many years ago - I guess letting the kids watch a movie or whatever is a saving grace and something people do 

I understand

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @kv22@Former-Member

My son was full-on like that too - it's really hard to face every day and I had a few tricks

He didn't want to get up for school - of course - and so I would fry some chips and walk into his room with the frying pan with the wonderful smell of frying potatoes and he would get up and follow his nose to the table and that was half the morning battle. Of course chips for breakfast is not an ideal meal but it started the day and it matters not in the least now

I just deleted most of my post - none of it matters now but we need to work out what is important and what we can ignore - and this is hard and people will always have plenty to say on the subject

Not an easy thing to deal with - I care ladies - I might have said something useful but I deleted it - sigh - life with a challenging child is - what else - challenging

Dec