Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Owlunar]

Whoops sorry @Bella1978 - I am having a bit of a problem with my computer this morning

My Gran refused to even see a doctor - but eventually she had to go into care cause my mother couldn't do it anymore - and with my mother - she was in care so that wasn't part of ths issue. People have the freedom to stay in their own home now - but if it's too much for the carers then there are agencies that can help out 

I can't really assess if My Aged Care will be that helpful - but maybe it will be - and I have care through an agency - domestic and assisted shopping - and eventually will have to move to My Aged Care - it is there and maybe you can get your mother onto that which will take time - it does give you help that so you don't have to deal with that all yourself

It is sad to see your mother disappearing into someone you don't know - it has to be different - my mother was always in some kind of bad mood with me - I always had a strong sense of myself and refused to be someone else to please this angry woman - my sister though - she was all my mother wanted

I would never judge what you are doing or going to do because I have seen a lot in my own family but I really think that needing your own life is just as important - it is not selfish to want that

If you can get an assessment from My Aged Care then you may be able to get respite to do whatever you do to be yourself - your own person

You will be a better carer if you have your own lifed - you do need to be fulfilled in yourself and frankly - although my disabilities are physical and I can manage my own life I still would not expect my daughter to put her life aside to care for me in such a personally expensive

I hope this makes sense - and I think talking with people who understand how it is dealing with someone with dementia will help you sort out where you can go with this and what you can do for yourself

All the best

Dec

[PeppiPatty]

Hi, thankyou for you message. I have certainly been where you are and still get there. The object is how to manage your own life. May I break down your message ?

1. Your Mum has changed. 

Your health is both affecting you and her health is affected. 

2. Your sister needs affection.

3. Your friend needs you but you get good stuff from her.

It feels like you can go in a couple directions. 

1. On your sister : being demanding might be about fear. At Centrelink, they hand out sheets of paper about food vouchers and other help that she can access.You can ask for it.  You COULD go to see her and give it to her and tell her about the fantastic group therapy at Helping Minds. 

Do you feel brave enough to softly tell her that you find it hard to trust her? Is this something she could bear hearing ? 

2. see your GP and access an agency for yourself. I get the same agency lady in to meditate with me twice per week. 

Ill have a think about your Mum ok ? 

Hope I'm going in the right direction..... 

[Bella1978]

Hi @PeppiPatty 👋 how r u? X

[mom_of_1]

Bella1978  The parts where you wrote how you just want things to stop and feeling stuck and drained... Those same words come to my mind almost daily.  I totally understand that feeling.  For me it's my 23 yo daughter who lives with me. She suffers from depression and anxiety. She hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but I feel like she may be bi-polar.  When I see her call me my stomach goes into knots because 9 times out of 10 it's not for something good.  I want be able to wake up and not dread what the day will bring. She's my only child and we are very close and when she's feeling "ok" she's wonderful to be around and we enjoy each other's company. Seeing her suffering and her pain breaks my heart every day. I also suffer from depression and anxiety but not to the degree that she does. But even though I have an understanding of what it's like, I still sometimes lose my patience and get frustrated and angry and then of course guilty for having those feelings.  More and more lately I day dream of escaping my life and moving somewhere where no one knows me so that I could live a peaceful life of solitude with a couple of dogs.  I truly hope you can find some peaceful moments amongst the chaos...

[outlander]

hi @Bella1978 hope your going ok with everything happening for you. 

hi @mom_of_1 and welcome, feel free to have a look around say hello, start your own thread or use the introduce yourself here thread as well 

[Bella1978]

@outlander

Hey sweetheart, im so sorry i haven't been in contact. Things have been non stop. Still no conclusive diagnosis for mum. She isn't compliant with some of the testing they need to do which isn't helping. I'm ok, sometimes feel I'm on top of things and other times I'm barely keeping my head above water lol. How have you been luv? Xxx

[outlander]

its good to hear from you @Bella1978
i know youve been really busy and probably feeling overwhelmed with everything.
Im sorry they havent worked out whats happening with your mum yet, it would be helpful for you and for her and treating team.
its a bit of a rollercoaster isnt it!
did you need to talk at all?
Im all over the place atm but ill be ok eventually

[Am3089]

I can totally understand where you are coming from. My longtime partner suffers mdd and anxiety, adhd and is currently in a mental health facility after a first time attempt at suicide. This is the second hospital stay for mental illness, and it can be very exhausting. I am thankful that i now have more family support (my in-laws) and my family and friends have been amazing. All i can say is while she is in hospital take advantage of any support services (i currently work in public hospital service as a pharmacy assistant) that the hospital provides and take some time to look after yourself. I wish you both the best 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Am3089, @mom_of_1, how are you today

@Bella1978, sending you lots of hugs my friend

Hello @PeppiPatty, @outlander

[Am3089]

I'm taking it day by day, but hanging in.. Partner has transferred from public hospital to a private hospital and started ect treatment. Just been difficult to try and arrange a time to meet with the new doctor to discuss treatment. Decision to start ect was made without any input of his family which was frustrating!