Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bella1978]

@MDT

im sorry to hear that you had a rough week, and such an intense weekend last week. sounds like a quiet weekend is just what you need! what do you do for work? if you dont mind me asking.

[Bella1978]

@Former-Member

thank you for acknowledging my emotions and reminding me that im not alone, that the emotions i feel are so common amongst carers. i cried when i read your post - you understood exactly what i was saying - thank you.

yes, i see a counsellor through carers wa which i believe helps me.

how have you been? and how is Mr Darcy?

x

[outlander]

Im not 100% sure of this @Bella1978 but i think to some extent you have quite alot of say in what help can come into the house ie if you need domestic help then you should be entitiled to even if your mum says no. I know itll be hard but try to think about what it is you need and arrange what you think will help. This could be things like meals on wheels, domestic cleaning, online grocery shopping and home delivery, blister packs from the pharmacy so you dont need to worry about medications so much its already sorted. All those little things do add up.
A nurse or another agency carer to come and take care of her one day a week so you can go to your own appointments and have abit of a break.

Those are some ideas however what can you do for yourself tonight to settle and breathe?

[Bella1978]

@utopia

[Bella1978]

@outlander

thank you for the suggestions luv - you're such a sweetheart.

i will look into how much say i have. the card mum uses on me is "its my house, i decide who comes in and how doesn't" ... she uses that one over me more often than i like! but i will look into. as for meals - she doesnt want anyone cooking for her, we do get help with vacuuming and mopping, i usually do grocery shopping but have done it online before. as for her medications, i prefer to put them together for her on a weekly basis - especially as they tend to change (especially her blood pressure meds). but you are right, everything adds up. and she is adamant about what she does and does not want. but the things she doesnt want, place more strain on me. that is what i need her to see. i understand that once mum is discharged she will be checked on regularly, ie a nurse will come out to see her. plus i want to get her some social support where i get respite. i just feel like it is an uphill battle with mum sometimes and i dont know how long i can put up with it. she's a fiesty one luv!

im just laying on my bed atm luv. will do some journalling. how about yourself? what you up to?

have missed chatting to you online. im sorry im not online as much as i used to be 😞

x

[outlander]

I dont think she realises how lucky she is to have you @Bella1978
Her loosing her independence would be really hard which is where some of the attitude ahe has now is coming from. She doesn't want to accept help becausr she doesnt want to loose her independence. It might take a while however im sure she will adjust abit over time.

No she might not like someone cooking for you however it would help you. She might even enjoy the meals from there. Something has to give.
Baby steps for now.
You dont have to apologise to me. You come here when your up for it and you dont need to come here for me, come here for yourself as well. Have missed you too though ❤

Im just laying in bed atm with some low music on. Drowns out the ringing i can hear in my ears while this headaches hanging around.
Journalling for you sounds like a good idea.

[Bella1978]

Thank you @outlander, how did you get to be so wise luv?

You are right, this would all be very hard on mum. She was so used to looking after the home herself, doing everything - she was a full time housewife and she was so devoted to looking after the family. cooking was her passion, and she is a very very very good cook! i love cooking with her - she teaches me her recipes. i sometimes forget how this is affecting mum, i focus on my emotions and how i am struggling but this must all be so hard for her. thank you for reminding me of that.

oh no luv, you have a headache? is the music helping?

xx

[outlander]

@Bella1978 im not very wise lol. Your original post actually read my thoughts. I was just about ready to throw in the towel at my end too.

Your feelings matter too. Yes of course itll be affecting her alot but it doesnt mean she can take it out in you all the time. You would of course be affected your not an emotionless robot. That's why self care and supports for you are important as @Former-Member (shes alot wiser than me!) has pointed out. Keep up with those supports.

Perhaps then once or twice a week you could have abit if a cooking day with her. You can make bulk lots and then separate into portions. Then youve only go to defrost and reheat as you need them.

Ive had a headache the past few days. The damn thing is treatment resistant or something. I ho to bed with it wake up with it and doesnt matter what i do it hangs around. Heat packs, gentle stretching neck massages and the topical muscle relaxants and a constant flow of pain meds. None of it helps.

[Bella1978]

@outlander ... you are very wise luv, and comforting - thank you 😘
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling too. Not easy hey?
I understand, it's not fair for mum to take it out on me, she is closest to me so i cop it tho lol. You did remind me to remember mum is struggling too tho. She has had to give up a lot of control. I would struggle with that too.
Yes i agree, @Former-Member is very wise!
We have done that in the past luv, ie cook up a batch of food and pop it in the freezer. Something i want to do when mum comes home.
Oh luv, it must be horrible to have a constant headache. Nothing helps?? 😔
How is your hand? How r the kids? Hows your pop? So many questions lol
X

[outlander]

Thanks @Bella1978 your wise and comforting too. Xox
Its the same with pop. He takes everything out on me too just have to try to shield it abit. Not easy and having an mi yourself makesit trickier too.

No nothingis helping. Its not a migraine just something similar. I nee to slow of the pain meds as its startingto make my stomach act up more. Will need to see gp again soon. This is the second time its happened in less than 2 months. The jids are fine, pops just being pop and my hand is very painful and swelling up again but im able to wiggle my fingers now. Couldn't do that 12 weeks ago. So this is good progress.

Any plans for yourself tomorrow,?