Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hello everyone this is Lost Angel I felt the need to write Life is filled with longing and Bellonging,I felt myself crying tonight and also thoughts of Anger as Ive reflected on the fact I still miss and had once loved a Brutal man this man last year I met I wont go into too many details but it was traumatic to survive, Im not a victum, Im a survivor of his Abuse, his Actions and His Words,I needed somewhere to write or type so sorry if this is Jumbled,I guess you could say Im still trying to heal,there are symptoms of PTSD and I think about him more than Im willing to admit to anyone I know,strange how thoughts,fears and emotions bombard you when your not prepared in terms of being emotional, well more like a sadness these last few days,Ive self isolated alot to do with how I feel, theres a part of me that wishes things had been different but even if they had been I guess things still would of ended the same way or worse if I hadnt have left when I did thats how bad he became in the end although on the surface he appeared calm behind that was a very nasty side that only I saw and felt,Ive been trying to use mindfullness apps and lighting candles as a way to still deal with it ,so many thoughts thoughts about missing my late father,thoughts about all different aspects of what happend and the repucussions since,in terms of my mental health as Im still waiting on Councilling,its one of of those traumas you have to manage or try to heal from but at the same time you can feel stuck or trapped in your mind while outwardly appearing fine to evryone,its something you carry with you,in terms of memories both the once good memories you thought you had with him and mixed with the really nasty facts and things he would often say to you the put downs ect ,I went for a drive today,Ill go for another drive tomorow,its a kind of grief, I hope that one day I meet the right man who will treat me with respect and dignity, he stole my dignity and privacy from me, I hope to be a mother one day to have many children of my own, I long to be a mother one day

[Appleblossom]

Hey @LostAngel 

Always loved your thoughtful posts.

Sorry you had to deal with that.

Hope keeps us alive somehow.  I dont always realise how, but it matters.  

 

 

[LostAngel]

thanks so much @Appleblossom ❤️

[MDT]

Hi @LostAngel

It's good to see you again. I am sorry to hear what you went through but I also see a determination and a strength.

Take the time to heal and get back to your authentic self my friend.

[tyme]

Dear @LostAngel ,

It's so very pleasing to see you on the forums after a bit of a break.

I'm sorry you have had to go through so much.

While you are waiting for counselling, I wanted to make sure that you feel welcome to contact SANE counsellors on our drop-in service on 1800 187 263. It is important that you are support through this critical period.

Also, as you are probably aware, SANE has had a bit of a makeover. We have expanded our services to include a guided services. Please feel free to read more about this here https://www.sane.org/referral

If you fall into one of the eligible PHNs, you can see if you'd like this support.

You deserve all the support you can get at this time. And you deserve it.

Kindest, 

tyme

[LostAngel]

Hello @tyme thank you ,just to add Ive been ringing 1800 Respect for Councilling Support,Have Very Supportive Family and Orange Door helped a great deal in the early days ,its been a few months now since escaping the situation but it is a Healing Journey that takes lots of time,some days have been better than others but thank you for suggesting these supports aswell,I am currently in the process of trying to move house as a result of what happend, lighting a fragrant candle again tonight to keep anxiety /depression in check

[tyme]

I admire your strength and resilience @LostAngel . You have been so brave to step out and look after yourself. Please keep reaching out. You are worthy of all the support you can get.

I'm sitting with you and walking with you through this part of your journey - I hope that's okay with you 🙂

tyme

[LostAngel]

its more than ok @tyme thank you ,Ill chat more if need to ❤️

[tyme]

Hi @LostAngel !

How are you today?

As I re-read your posts, your bravery and resilience really speaks to me. 

I'm here if you need a chat,

tyme

[LostAngel]

thank you @tyme the last two days have been a bit emotionally tiring ,felt the need for rest after today, in the process of trying to move house in the midst of this journey, was a bit distressed even yesterday as wasnt paying enough attention while driving after a meeting that brought up the legal side of things, resting tonight, lots to do tommorow in terms of trying to secure a payment of bond for the the house im tryna move into, also have to finish updating an ivo ,just generally tired but ok, might need to make a list of reminders