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Mon_102
New Contributor

BPD or something else?

I have only just joined this forum and started to look into groups to discuss my mothers BPD however after reading a lot of other threads I am starting to wonder if it is actually BPD my mother has or something else.<br><br>A short back story - I grew up with my child hood being relatively normal until my parents got divorced when I was 12. After the divorce my mum went down hill fast, she would have my sister and I in the car and tell us she was going to drive it off a cliff or in to a pole while we were all inside. She would also have fits where she would try and rip all of her hair out, break anything she touched and try to abuse us. After years of putting up with this behaviour I finally grew up, moved out, got married and had children of my own. My mother however has never changed. <br>She was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago however does nothing about it and is not trying to get better.<br>A week ago we were doing Christmas shopping when she started screaming at me in the middle of the shops about me telling her to "**** off" when I was 12 years old. Now this is completely made up in her head however she believes it. <br>It is now starting to affect my daughter and is to the point I get scared leaving my daughter in my mothers care that she will do something to hurt her or really scare her. <br>I am also really starting to get over the constant abuse in public where every one can see or when she constantly makes scenes and her self the victim in every situation. I don't know if I can do this anymore, 13 years of this is enough. <br><br>If your parent has BPD do they act like this and do you still have them in your life?<br>
3 REPLIES 3

Re: BPD or something else?

Hi @Mon_102,

I can understand that you are questioning your mums diagnosis and to be able to determine what mental illness she has she will have to have some sessions with a psychologist, as we are not able to diagnose her on here.

I think focusing on keeping yourself and your daughter safe is top priority right now if she is being quite aggressive towards the both of you. Have you tried maintaining boundaries with her and not putting up with that type of abuse like walking away or doing something to calm her down at all?

She doesn't sound very well and needs some support for this and there is only so much you can do to support her without burning yourself out. This is something that you can't really control but what you can manage is yourself and your daughter and self-care for you both.

You really need to instead take care of yourself to be able to cope with her and these outbursts. It must be hard seeing her this way and being yelled at in public, are you seeing a counsellor or psychlogist to talk about this at all?

Lunar

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: BPD or something else?

It's important to know only a professional psychiatrist can diagnose someone and a BPD diagnosis can be hard to determine at times.

Re: BPD or something else?

Hi @Mon_102

I agree with the mod @Lunar

You and your daughter are top priority.

I had parents with mental illness and suffered SI a great deal when my kids were little ... but I would never have done anything like threatening self and family with kids in the car .. thats going too far .. in my very crazy book.

Boundaries boundaries.

Diagnosis doesnt matter .. mine "apparently" had schizophrenia.

Diagnosis is not an excuse to be an out of control bitch .. it gives other people and other women ..

struggling and being responsible with mental illness .. a bad name.

I tried to heal my mother .. kept her in my life .. even though I limited it towards the end ... she turned on me .. for all the love and patient encouragement and support that I gave her .. but she still didnt go as far as your mum ... 

YEP she needs help .. but it ts NOT your job ..its a Stockholm Syndrome form of confusing identities and boundaries.

No easy answers sorry .. but take care of your daughter

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