Lived Experience Forum

[BPDBunny]

Hi everyone,

New to the forum. I have actually started a blog and wanted to share my first piece with you all. 

A change is a comin'

Your actions are a powerful force for change. But can little ol’ me really make a difference?

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The clinical definition is it’s a complex mental disorder that affects people’s thoughts, emotions and behaviours, making it difficult to cope in all areas of life. The way I would describe it? Hell on earth.

And, as if this isn’t hard enough to deal with, there are common misconceptions about the disorder. People with BPD are often labeled as ‘bad’, ‘manipulative’ or ‘attention-seeking’. It’s almost like we are the leprosy of the psychiatric world!

Recently I attended an appointment with a hospital psychiatrist to review my medication. This was arranged through my general practitioner. As I sat across from the psychiatrist, she asked a few basic questions about who I was. We got to the part where she verbalised that I was a BPD patient. Instantly her tone sharpened and she tensed up.

A few more basic questions and she had summed me up as a time-waster, someone who was manipulating my doctor, and an attention-seeker. Tears streaming down my face, she just kept going. The cherry-on-top was when she told me that I couldn’t possibly care about my children if I was engaging in the harmful thoughts.

At the end of this appointment she looked at me and gruffly said, “I hope I didn’t come across too blunt but you really needed to hear these things. Now, why don’t you grab a coffee on the way back to work to cheer yourself up.”

Walking out, I wanted to hurt myself very badly. I have not done that for five months – a pretty champion effort. But the storm was brewing. I shook my head almost as if shaking the idea out. In my life I’ve fought bigger monsters and I wasn’t going to succumb to the dangerous cycle of self-harm. Not today.

So, it is with this determination that I am pledging my life to fighting against these misconceptions. I’ve had enough of people suffering this disorder being treated like this. I am doing this for all those suffering with this disorder, as well as for those who will be diagnosed in the future. If I could grant you all ever-lasting happiness, I would not hesitate. We deserve better than this and I will do whatever it takes.

We don’t ask to have this disorder and we do the best we can. All we want is for someone to help us! So, let us all rally to raise awareness about this disorder and eliminate all the harmful and wrong opinions! 

Love to you all. x

[chemonro]

*hugs*

[kenny66]

Hi BPD

Your experience unfortunately echos the stigma that goes with a lot of mental illnesses, even by Doctors. My Doctor leaves the door open when I am in consulation with him, I guess it is to leave him an escape route if the crazy schizophrenic goes off the rails during the visit. What happened to you just shows how disconnected some medical practicioners are with the sector. One thing though I suppose you have to take into account the individual personalities and prejudices of people, including a psychiatrist. It was possible that you could have met a compassionate and informed one if it had been another person. I found that even amongst the psychs and medical specialists I have been exposed to that their varying personalities can be really different.

Kenny

[Alessandra1992]

Hi BPD Bunny, welcome aboard..thank you for sharing your story..it is a very familiar story I have heard over the years with hospitals refusing service to people diagnosed with BPD.
Here is a clip from Mind UK, it is from Mind UK's Facebook page..

Mind
30 July at 22:05 · Edited ·
Getting a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) (sometimes called 'emotionally unstable personality disorder') can be really difficult. What medical professionals call the 'personality' is often closely linked with our identities and what we see as our 'self'. This means that any suggestion that it is disordered, damaged or flawed can feel like a criticism or an insult.

As with all mental health problems though, regardless of diagnosis, what's most important is that you receive the support you need. In our new video ‘Talking about borderline personality disorder’ Lechelle and Debbie talk about what it was like getting a diagnosis of BPD and how they have learned to cope. Watch it here http://ow.ly/zPnXQ
925 Likes · 189 Comments

[Pipkin]

The stigma within the health profession and even in the mental health care system is huge.

I find the worst stigma in hospitals, especially emergency departments.

I think many psychiatrists need to spend more time listening and reflecting, then speaking their mind.

It is terrible when we approaach a health professional for help and leave feeling worse than we arrived.

Stigma is rife and everywhere, even in the way it is taught at uni

[kristin]

Hi BPD Bunny,

Thanks for pouring this out and sharing it with us. A very gutsy effort to turn the very understandable anger you felt at this disgraceful treatment and put it where it serves you and others, rather than onto yourself through self-harm. This is something to be incredibly proud of!

I can relate to the struggle of trying to parent with a difficult and painful MI to manage. I'm strangely rather grateful that I only found out a few years ago that I have been suffering from bipolar all these years (35+), and the main reason I'm glad is because I was stigmatised enough suffering from chronic depression. 

I really feel for you, and I hope you can find some compassionate help soon. My best friend was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and suffered similar abuse in the public and private hospital system. She finally found a really excellent psychiatrist who specialises in trauma, and her diagnosis is a bit more accurate now than BPD was. It's a very cruel box, and people who are put in it are treated as deliberately inappropriate and manipulative. It's a disgraceful way to treat anyone who comes seeking help.

Keep your chin up! I'll look forward to the next blog posting.

Best regards,

Kristin

[BPDBunny]

Thanks everybody. You've all been so welcoming. I'm not great with forums but I'll give it all a go. 🙂

I'm in the process of trying to find a decent pyschiarist. I know there are good ones out there that are very respectful of the disorder. I'm kind of nervous about it too though.

I really just wish that mental health didn't have the stigma attached. It's so difficult already. Heavy sigh.

Love to you all.

xx

[Jake]

Hi BPDBunny,

I also have diagnosis of BPD, not too sure if I fit all the criteria though, but then I don't have to, I think you only need 8 out of 10 or something like that to get the 'label'.

Neverieless, that is one of my 'labels', but I'll let you know what really hurts deep down, if someone knows I have a 'label' and something goes wrong in the friendship/relationship (as things do in all relationships) I am automatically 'blamed' because as everyone knows - "it must be his fault because we know there there is something 'wrong' with him".

Ever felt that blame? Why are people so quick to judge others when something goes 'wrong', do they not think that they are a part of the dynamic? (answer - no they don't think).

Happy to admit I am wrong and accept responsibility if it is mt fault, but not happy to be blamed just because someone else 'thinks' it is my fault. There is a difference!

Also, a personality disorder is nothing to do with my character traits (honesty, loyalty etc.) so I hate the term, it's like I'm judged on the stereotyped label alone. I can't help it if I don't cope well in certain social situations, I'm not doing it on purpose,

Regards, Jake

p.s. here is a good psychiatrist joke (sorry to any psychs out there!) - "Where do psychiatrists go on their holidays?" "Why to see other psychiatrists of course!"

[BPDBunny]

OMG, yes! It's sometimes easy for my friends to blame the crazy medicated BPD chick. Like you, I realise I don't always handle things the best but I'm not to blame for everything that goes wrong ... if I was then I'd have some kind of super power in controlling it all 🙂

I had a big argument with a friend once because I thought I was doing the right thing by not making contact when I was coming off some meds, she got mad at me and demanded I hang out with her despite my warnings, of course I upset her. Then she blamed me. It was nuts and I was so confused by it all.

Man people can be confusing.

[kristin]

Hi Jake,

Yes I have had lots of problems over the years of being the "faulty" party in relationship issues. It is heartbreaking when people you thought were friends suddenly do this to you, and take absolutely no responsibility themselves. I've learned to listen when people say I've stuffed up, even if it really hurts, because I want to learn from my mistakes. But I don't need to be carved up for being human, or demonised for having a MI which you wouldn't wish on anyone.

No adult relationship issues are 100%/0%, it may be about 50/50 or it may be closer to 95/5. I agree with you that often people would rather blame someone who's easier to scapegoat than bear the pain of looking at themselves.

Hold onto your sense of self and those important and valuable traits (they are good ones) - these are part of the essential you.

Best regards,

Kristin