Yeah, I'm the same @BlueBay. My skills go out the window when I'm feeling really bad.
You've mentioned that you don't know the reason why you feel this way. But if you could think about what's going on for you right now, is there any one person who you feel like their not listening properly to you? Like a psychologist, pdoc, support worker or someone else? Did you say something and perhaps felt they brushed off something that was important to you?
I think for me @Sans911 I don’t fully understand the reasons why I do this.
Maybe it’s my inner child screaming and crying fir help which I never got as a child. But now as an adult I’m still crying fir help. Some days I feel like a child where I want to have a super tantrum. It’s silly because I’m an adult.
I think a lot of whst I do is part of my childhood trauma.
How you react in a situation isn't silly at all @BlueBay. It's how you've adapted to situations outside your control. And yes, it's part of your past trauma. You didn't get the things you needed like love, trust, being heard, honesty. Until you learn a new way of coping and loving yourself with kindness and compassion, things won't change for you. It's a hard road to get to that place of self love and acceptance. I'm no where near it.
@BlueBay I too stop taking my medication. It’s because I feel like I’m not worthy of feeling better or don’t deserve it. sometimes I just want to watch myself self destruct. My diagnosis is depression and anxiety but I thought maybe I had a form of bipolar as I experience significant highs. I didn’t know anything about bpd and just looked it up and gosh it sounds like me all over
@BlueBay I lie to my husband and tell him I’m taking my medication but I’m not. He can tell I’m not because I’m aggressive and horrible. I’m unstable and feel crazy but it doesn’t make me take my medication. It’s almost like I’m punishing myself. Hope you’re okay @BlueBay
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