Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome to the forum

Hello @NikNik :smileyhappy

Wow ,

that is to walk along with him to the best of our ability, one day at a time , that is something we can do , they may forget things along the way which sometimes they blame the medication that they are on  or even say that you  are not his carer . so one step at a time

[MIFANTCARER]

I am genuinly concerned for you,

I hope you are receiving some productive counselling or life coaching.

Some questions to be considering asking yourself and the Mental Health professionals, are how can you be effective in aiding the recovery process whilst your son resides with you and displays the following behaviours?

How is your son's illness defensive?

Question to pro, what tool/ strategies can be used here?

What are the excuses your sons illness comes up with?

What tool/ strategies can be used here?

How will these strategies aid in recovery for all of you?

What are your boundaries in the home and the relationship?

Ask your son what would he like to see happen in his life? this may induce thoughts of him takeing responsibility for what’s happened, because he has some ownership over his future.

We are all in this together as a community, thanks so much for sharing your story, if one thing fis useful from all responses, this is all worth it.

Every Day is a new adventure with new possibilities.

[NikNik]

Morning everyone!

A big thanks to @Faith-and-Hope for responding to last week's question.

This week's question is:

How can I persuade my 28 year old son who has schitziphrenia to take meds & re-apply for Centrelink.

His moods are good but I don't think this is the best we can do for him.

[PeppiPatty]

Hello,

I'm so glad that you as a mother are so

Compassionate

Have Boundaries

Keeping the family together

In your question and please let me explain myself.
You are keeping the family together by

caring about your son using meds

asking people who are right in there and not stressing your family about it

Being practical about money

I'm really sorry to write that you can't get him to use medication

But you can say something about Centrelink. I personally know a Mother who has bent over backwards to caring for her 26 year old son so he doesn't need to get on Centrelink because he doesn't want to.

I will have a think about that : my oldest son at 26 refuses medication but he has decided to go to see a Psychotherapist. He decided to see someone  after 4 year safter being diagnosed with Psychosis .......!!!

What would be in your son's thoughts of the family taking him somewhere that will be about him speaking about getting on Centrelink ? Or seeing someone regularly about mixing with others who spend time on Mental ill HeAlth ? It might get him to change his mind ???

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hello and welcome to the forums ....

Hi @NikNik

I had to think about this for a bit before responding ....

What makes someone not want to seek a diagnosis (my hubby in denial), take medication once treatment is offered, or go on Centrelink payments as a means to financial survival or at least support .... ?

Fear ? Self-esteem issues ? Pride ?

I have gone to see a psychologist .... initially to be heard and believed in relation to the main issue affecting our family, which is amplifying all other more minor issues .... and once heard, to try to get inside my hubby's thinking .... trying to understand what is driving his behaviour patterns ....

Particularly with a male of the species ... 😏 .... I think it will be helpful for you to have a male speak to him about these issues, and in a very practical, black and white way, which men seem to be better at sinehow .... they are less likely to cloud things with emotional
content .... eg

- This is what this medication is designed to do for you.
- This is how it does that.
- These are the side effects.
- This is why it is still a good thing to be on them.
- This is what you are likely to experience without them.
- This is what your family is likely to experience if you don't take them.
- These are the things about your life that will be unavailable to you if you choose to not take the medication.

Disempowerment and lack of control over himself and his future choices is probably what is driving his fear. This is a way of trying to retain a sense of self-determination and control.

Similarly with Centrelink it may be making him feel useless .... so perhaps look into other ways he can volunteer his time and energy to contribute back into the community. I have a brother and sister both on financial support, and that is what they do ... find ways to give back .... find purposeful ways to support charity, work at a zoo, etc

I hope this helps ....

🌷💜. F&H

[Shaz51]

Hello @NikNik

Hello and welcome to the forum .

How can I persuade my 28 year old son who has schitziphrenia to take meds & re-apply for Centrelink.

His moods are good but I don't think this is the best we can do for him.

I noticed you have written about re-appling for centrelink , what happened the last times he applied for centrelink , how many times has he applied , I am thinking maybe going to another centrelink to apply and he may find it too stressful as my hubby did -- nearly put himslf back in hospital

I like @PeppiPattyand @Faith-and-Hope answers too

[PeppiPatty]

YOu know @Faith-and-Hope

Your suggestion is awesome re; getting someone to talk to him about going on Centrelink.

But also, @Shaz51 idea re; going to another Centrelink......

As a Mother, she does know what is BEST for her son.......whats really great about these suggestions is that they are really positive too. 

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,

A big thanks to @PeppiPatty @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope for respoding to the last question.

This week's question is:

If my partner, who was recently diagnosed with Bipolar, and I started a relationship when he was on his ‘high’, were his feeling that he expressed real? Or was it is just the ‘high’?  And does the ‘low’ cancel out these feelings? Or is it just the ‘low’? How do I know what is genuine?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Welcome to the forums ....

Hi @NikNik 😊

I don't really have a direct answer to your question, but I have been tossing it over in my mind for most of the day ....

I have a daughter-in-law diagnosed with bipolar since marrying my son, and it poses the same question .... was / is she in love with him ?  Where do the boundaries of the illness lie .... her behaviour would denote an extreme lack of respect for th relationship, but is that just the face of the illness we can see ?  This is my son and his wife I am talking about, so in fact, their relationship is not directly my business, but how that relationship has impacted on our family relationships, and the relationship I used to have with my son, affects me greatly.  I have stood back, not invited in, and reluctant to apply any more pressure to a situation I consider already fragile, hoping as a mother that I am doing the right thing ....

i know that doesn't help you in your situation, but my intent is to share compassion and understanding .... I hear you, despite not having answers, and I feel for you as I feel for my son ....

Which leads me to the next point .... my husband has an undiagnosed eating disorder.  It has become clear, as I have learned more about eating disorders, that this is in fact a morphosis of a previously existing eating disorder .... and learning more about that one, it is clear that he has had disordered eating if not an eating disorder outright from before I met him .... and seeing what impact that has on his life choices has rocked the foundations of our relationship ..... it makes me question what, exactly, our relationship has been based on for many years.  We have lived an extreme life, and I suspect that the business arena we were operating in attracts and perhaps helps to sustain people with the sort of background issues that lead to eating disorders, amongst other mental illnesses and / or issues.

It does cause a questioning of what is real ....

The only answer I have is that this is my current reality.  Whatever lead to it, and whatever that meant in terms of our past relationship, we are on new ground now.  I have had choices along the way, and my current choice is to try to stay with my husband in his current form of the illness, and see him through to diagnosis, treatment and recovery.

This will either work, or it won't, but not through lack of trying on my part.

You are not alone in your circumstances.  There are many other forum members far more familiar with bipolar than I am .... but in any case you are amongst compassionate friends here and we will help you any way we can .... and we will walk along with you as you come to terms with your situation.

Take care ...

💜🌷

F&H

[Former-Member]

hello @Linmerc

You must be feeling a whole range of emotions - perhaps even not feeling anything - numb - shellshocked.

First of all a little information on major depression.

Major depression is very draining on the person who has the illness but can also affect those living with that person.

I have endured this illness for the majority of my life.

Debilitating symptoms for my illness have affected my socialising, my driving confidence, my leaving the house, my answering the telephone.

When at my worst I hide within my home, in my room sometimes when people come unannounced. I notice when i start to feel better that I had stopped smiling. focussing is very difficult. energy levels deplete rapidly. motivation, enthusiasm, spontaneity, joy    what are these things.... basically get up get through the day often counting the hours to when i can get back in to bed and escape the world in sleep. i have medication to go to sleep which still does not work if there is trauma in my life. I have anxiety in the mixture.

Behaviour as far a having affairs does not fit the mould of depression. The fact that he has had quite a few affairs sounds as though he is running away from responsibility, communication, there may be an underlying issue. this all needs to be determined by a psychiatrist.

i do think it would be helpful for you to see a psychologist. you would come under the category of carer as you have been there for him whilst all this occurred and was then diagnosed.

Ring Carers Australia or NEAMI or one of the other organisations listed on this website. if unsure or you just dont have the energy to look (which is more than understanding given your situation) ring sane ph no 1800187263 listed in the top right hand corner of this page. You are very important in this equation. You need to be listened to, taken notice of, heard. You have been pushed aside, disrespected and you need to be told how important you are, that you are still valued as a person.

Your children, (who are also affected in this mess) unsure of their ages, might also want some family counselling. all of this can be discussed when talking to one of the organisations. 

He is being looked after by whoever diagnosed him.He is an adult. I imagine you want space from him whilst you collect your thoughts.

Please think of yourself and your children first, top priority. When you speak to a counsellor/psychologist they might suggest best living arrangements moving forward.

I cannot comment on that or make that decision for you.

We are contributors on here who assist someone in our life with a mental illness of some kind, some of us have a mental illness of our own as well.

We can talk about our own experiences, feelings. We are unable to advise you though just point you in certain directions where to get some help.

You are entitled to help. please dont think like i did that I didnt deserve it. You do and accept it.

please keep writing your thoughts, comments anything on here. keep the communication flowing. this will help you.

we all use the forums differently. I write my feelings and they turn into storybooks. This helps me tremendously even though my husband doesn't like me on here.

we are here to support you through this by reading your posts. responding. everything is confidential. there are no expectations, no judgements.

You will find compassion and caring.

I really dont know if i would have survived if i hadnt found this forum.

The people I meet on the two different forums all have beautiful souls. we respond when we are able. there will always be someone who will respond to you 

welcome and safe journey xx