Lived Experience Forum

[SpiderLady]

Hi all, I had a really bad day yesterday. Didn't cope with feelings of intense anger, frustration, disappointment, irritability, stress, loneliness, depression, grief, tiredness, pain. I was completely overwhelmed and shut out the world. I closed my curtains, turned off my phone and watched DVDs. I had a really bad night's sleep but still feel emotionally better this morning. My situation hasn't changed but my attitude has. I really was so angry at the world, that I ended up doing something that was best for me. Don't do that much, do what's best for myself, but am going to try to do more in the future. 

[Former-Member]

Hello @SpiderLady (love your username and profile picture, the Octopus is cute!).

I'm sorry you're struggling a lot with all of that. If it makes you feel any better, I too, and many others I'm sure, struggle with the same things.

I struggle with everything you mentioned. Sometimes it can help to know that you're not alone, so I hope that reassures you a little. It's okay if you didn't do much, just have a day, as the saying goes, that's okay too.

Take care, I  hope things improve for you xx

[NatureLover]

@SpiderLady that's good you feel better today. I also have days like that, where I switch off completely. Instead of DVDs I use books, but I call it my day off from reality. All I do is read, walk and eat, and I numb myself to everything else. I'm glad it worked for you. 

[anewhope]

Hi @SpiderLady,
I can understand all of those feelings can be extremely confronting and exhausting.

The face that you were able to close the curtains and watch dvds is an excellent step taken by you to really make a difference. It seems like your mind just needed some time to not have any triggers and to let you have a moment to yourself.

Was there any particular movies/tv show dvds you were watching?

I can imagine to have all those feelings go through you during the day can be utterly and mentally draining.

I also suffer from some of the same feelings. I am germaphobic and can go from the exact same feelings, angry, irritable, stressed, lonely, depressed, tired, frustrated and with a bunch of disapointment in myself.

Would we be of any help if you felt comfortable to sharing anything in particular that may have made you have a really bad day? It would be a great thing if we could help in some way to get an outside persons perspective and maybe find a way to make your day even better.

The best step is that you have found something that can help you feel better. That is an amazing thing and often the hardest step.

[SpiderLady]

Thankyou @Former-Member It does help and I am grateful that you said those things, that you went out of your way to be kind to me. I am not used to that. Sometimes I don't feel like saying much, despite feeling a lot, and then sometimes I really want to express myself. I'm not bipolar, I don't mean that I have those sorts of mood swings. I am an odd mixture of an extrovert that has no self confidence and lives in fear most of the time. One day, I hope the real me, the super confident part at least, will come forward and take me up, up and away...

[Former-Member]

You're welcome @SpiderLady . I understand, I'm not used to kindness either to be honest, so I understand.

I get you about not saying much, I can be like that too believe it or not, so I understand, even to a certain extent. I have no self confidence either, I don't know if I'm an extrovert but I'm an introvert.

Take care.

[SpiderLady]

Hey @NatureLover, thankyou. Books are good too! Sometimes the world just becomes too overwhelming doesn't it? There were a number of things that triggered such intense emotions for me that day, not necessarily big things but lots of things just got on top of me. I felt that so much was happening that I had no way of controlling. And I just slipped on the edge of "no control" and spiralled out. But I am glad that I did do what I needed to do for myself to restore myself. I don't usually do what I want to or need to but rather what I am told to do. Getting sick of that and realising that it is me who knows what I need the most. All these people with their "you should this" and "you should that" ... I'm finally realising that I have a say in things too and that I have choices, and a lot of self knowledge. I have given myself permission to ignore the "shoulds" in favour of making sensible choices.

[NatureLover]

Hi @SpiderLady , yes, sometimes we need some time out. Even just doing nothing. And at other times using distraction. I'm glad you feel restored now after your time out. 

[SpiderLady]

Thankyou very much @anewhope. It really was a culmination of things that set me off. Mixed up, incorrect and missing deliveries were the final straw that broke the camel's back though. I don't have a car and with coronavirus restrictions I am relying on deliveries and online shopping. It was extra frustrating because there is no way of calling and resolving the problems quickly. Everything seems to be "fill in an online enquiry" and pretty much hope and wait for the best. I do understand and empathise with people working who are so busy and stressed and exhausted. I am frustrated with the situation more than people. i know that we are all human and have our limitations and coronavirus seems to bring everyone's emotions high, again completely understandable in most cases. I watched a German film called Wings Of Desire. A lovely reminder of how lucky human beings are really. It helped. I don't speak German but there were subtitles. I cried all through it, but it's what I needed to do.

[SpiderLady]

I think that I'm an extrovert because I have brightly coloured hair, piercings and tattoos. But maybe that's just being rebellious. I think there are probably a lot of people like us with no confidence. It seems to go with mental health issues doesn't it. Anyway, chat soon. I am turning my computer off now. need to do a couple of things before all my energy is completely zapped.