Lived Experience Forum

[Whiteknight]

In the 1980’s mini series “the Bangkok Hilton” (Nicole Kidman) there is a prisoner that made this short story famous.

A Scorpion wanted to cross a river. He had no means to do so. Then he saw a frog near the riverbank. He asked the frog if he could carry him on his back across to the other side. “No cried the frog, you’ll sting me and I’ll die”. After much pleading the frog relented and trusted the Scorpion.

The Scorpion crawled onto the frogs back and was being carried across the river. Half way across the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog was dying and the scorpion was drowning the frog yelled out…”you promised me not to sting me, why did you do it”. The scorpion in his final breath said …”because it’s in my nature”…

Many people are born with defects. “Defects” meaning flaws away from a 100% healthy baby. We see some born without limbs yet, they know no other way, they don’t know the feeling of having those limbs. They adapt as best they can. Some even succeed in painting with their toes or graduating from university and many other achievements- just like us. With mental illness I suggest we don’t accept our illness as easily, why?. We are likely born with it or obtained it from our upbringing.

As Stephen Fry said “If I return reincarnated, I want my bipolar to be included as it is a part of me”.(paraphrasing). Some of us older sufferers have grown so accustomed to our illness, regardless of its unpredictability, that we accept it is in our DNA just like hair colour. However, many of us go through life never accepting our illness. We dream of one day a magic wand will brush over us and we will be “normal”. How can we change this?

We can start the change with realising that we are “normal” because we were born with our condition. That makes us “natural”. We can accept that we have symptoms that are on the extreme side of normal, our reactions are over the top or our sadness is too emotional and too long in length whereby to fit into society where the masses are, we need medication and therapy.

Accepting ourselves for who we are is an important jump forward in our lives. A scorpion will always be a scorpion and a frog, a frog. A frog can only grow enough wisdom to refrain from danger enough to survive but his nature will remain. If he does not obtain such minimal wisdom his species perishes. He will always be tempted to be obliging and kind to risk his well being because he knows no other way. He must accept being the frog he is, but at the same time learn survival skills. His nature is who his is and always will be…

Try to improve yourself always, but accept yourself for who you are. That approach is a state of mind that is far easier to obtain than waiting for that magic wand to appear...

WK

[Former-Member]

@Whiteknight, I get what you're saying and for me I think you are right for the most part like my brother who is autistic he was diagnosed at two and to him there is nothing wrong with him but putting your theory to my situation yes I should probably stop waiting for that magic wand but I do any way and I believe that if I hadn't suffered the abuse and neglect as a child I would be different and more successful in life because I wouldn't have DID or CPTSD but it did happen and I am where I am but in saying that I probably would never have met my wonderful partner or have my little boy

[greenpea]

@Whiteknight I love that story of the scorpion and the frog.  My previous pdoc said to me that not to worry about ordinary people as  they would not understand about myself and my sons problems as they are not living it. Not to worry about it get on with life and do my best .... or words to that effect and he was right. I will just accept that my son can switch like the scorpion because that is in his nature he doesnt mean it but he can and he does. I am not like the frog however I have learnt not to put myself in that position after many years experience.

@Former-Member Hi Babydragon hoping you are doing okish xxx

[Whiteknight]

@Former-MemberHi

Yes, abuse is a different matter altogether than accepting our illness. 

I've been scarred by my mothers abuse of me. I'm 62yo now and those scars live with me every day. I cant move on from them. I get comfort from discussing them with my sister, also scarred.

Yes, abuse is a terribly hard challenge to meet.

It's great you can get a positive in your partner and child. 

WK

[Former-Member]

This is a great topic. I have had a lot of trouble accepting my mental illness because my mind was and is my most precious thing.  I am an intellectual so I felt betrayed when I couldn't go to law school because I had a complete psychotic breakdown and hospitalization.  Now I feel myself accepting my diagnosis and trying to use my abilities to help others with mental illness.  Now I have a sense of purpose and I am not as depressed about my schizoaffective disorder as I once was.

[Whiteknight]

Hi @greenpea

Re: "My previous pdoc said to me that not to worry about ordinary people as they would not understand about myself and my sons problems as they are not living it"

Exactly greenpea.

@Former-Member Indeed we pay a price for our illness. Various professions would have been ideal for me like Architect, builder or pilot but I couldnt focus. I ended up as a security guard hiding much more ability. Finally my last 18 years was my own business as a PI where I had the freedom of working or not working and no one over my shoulder.

Your direction has completely changed to an even more worthy and rewarding cause Paleo.

WK

[Former-Member]

@WhiteknightThank you, i appreciate your post to me. It was very kind and I hope that I can do enough good in my volunteer work to help others to justify my disability pension.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Whiteknight
I struggle to accept my mental illness. Especially as I was sbused as a child I still
Struggle with thst as people close to me don't understand or comprehend what I'm going through or have gone through.
I find it hard I think because of the stigma around borderline personality disorder. I also feel thst people judge or talk because of my mental illness but thst could just be me.

[Queenie]

Hey there @Whiteknight. Like @Former-Member, I come from an intellectual background. My mind was my greatest asset growing up and as a young adult. Then the day came when my mind failed me. I've been working towards my recovery ever since (I was first hospitalised in 2006) and although my path is not linear (recovery never is), I sometimes wonder when new things pop up (like symptoms) whether I am accepting of my illness. 

I know I am not in the same mindset of fighting my illness. That doesn't work in my book. I have to work with it and not against it. I guess in some way that is acceptance of my illness. Sometimes I still get thrown from the horse of wellness, but I still get back in the saddle as soon as I can so to speak. Having schizoaffective disorder can be a rollercoaster at times I think. I've matured with my illness. Twelve years ago when I was first diagnosed, I didn't understand myself, much less my illness and as a result was hospitalised frequently and suffered much self-stigma. These days I am approaching middle age and am more 'settled' and accepting of my illness.

[Whiteknight]

Hi @BlueBay
People wont or cant understand such a hard to yreat illness like BPD.

Lets put this in another field. When a soldier came home from war he usually only spoke about it with his fighting mates. Family and friends struggled to grasp it.

Hi @Queenie

I'm confident you'll even accept your illness more as you approach twighlight years
I'm 62 and since 45yo have changed significantly in terms of getting it all in perspective. Overall you have advanced and not slid the other way. Thats a bonus. Your commemt about working with your illness is a good one and an interesting one. I would assume different illnesses need different approaches and the best judge of that is yourself.

WK