Hi @outlander @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Teej and @Zoe7 hope today is starting gently for you all and has some promise in it. Not sure who else to tag for this post, anyone reading I hope the same for you.
My day today started with calls to both my uncle and my mum. Yesterday a huge bushfire came to within a km of uncle's home and I was in contact with him a few times to see how he was going. He's ok this morning, not much sleep and a house full of smoke (he's 80) so I'm somewhat relieved but they are still on watch and act alert in his area. Rang mum to tell her he's ok and she hadn't heard anything about it so she'll contact him too. He lives a long way from any family and has a pretty solitary life so he was really glad someone knew what was happening.
When I was talking to him yesterday (on speaker phone) I accidently woke my brother from a nap and he was pretty cranky. I was in a fairly alarmed state about uncle (reasonable in the circumstances really) ... brother sat me down and asked if I was thinking clearly and if I was manic. I managed to tell him I wasn't and apologise for waking him but once I was back in the cabin it really hit me that he'd felt it necessary to ask. That my MH reality is such that people close to me have to think that way. That they wonder first if it's bipolar behaviour when I have strong feelings that show about something that anyone would react to. I have a bunch of strong feelings again this morning about him having to ask, including some sort of guilt/shame stuff about being a worry to others. All I can do is make sure I am calm around him and sil today.
I am sure it is not a bipolar swing but it's made me realise that I did lose my boundaries a few times over the week with various things that happened. Drama with 2 members of my new womens group (including one who said she wanted to quit life) that involved long conversations with another 2 of them to set some guidelines in place for the group to make sure it's a social thing and not expected to do crisis support. A very disturbing incident here on the forums that I can't do any more about. Complications with the driving organisation that meant lots of emails back and forth. Difficult meeting with Coordinator of Supports. Cancelled support on Friday. A bereavement in the family ...... and on it goes.
Life is certainly more challenging atm. Also I start my driving lessons on Tues morning and am quite anxious about that.
Which reminds me I haven't booked in my support worker's times yet so I'd better take care of that.
Rave over - it does help to share about it tho'. To write and reflect and reach out for support. Thanks for reading this far to all who do. Take care, I care.
