A long rave

[eth]

Hi @Appleblossom   I appreciate your sharing your perspective about peer support work - I must say I am questioning the wisdom of me doing it after last week.  My priority simply has to be my own MH and life balance and I can't afford to spend days feeling swamped or in recovery from events that come up with people I want to support.  I definitely lost my boundaries and became immersed in a few things last week where I needed to debrief with someone face to face and there wasn't anyone that worked with.  My brother having to ask if I was manic was pretty much the final straw and a big wake-up call.   I can only engage in things that are good for my MH.  I'm a bit (a lot) disappointed that my foray into peer support is not going that way at the moment.  Will give it a couple of weeks to see if I can balance better with it, but may have to cease that kind of activity.  We'll see.  Tagging you here too @Former-Member .

[Appleblossom]

 @eth 

Hearing you. Good to tag Community Manager as they need to factor it in more on this site as well.  Its not just a little miracle that people who are going through the "same thing" can give support, and so a box can be ticked off.

Mainly because very few people really go through exactly the same thing.  The human reality that underlies any person with a diagnosis is COMPLEX.  Labelling is a human way of reducing complexity and has a value, but is the tip of the iceberg.  Without respect for whole person and the particular circumstances come further injustice.

You probably already did a lot of essential valuable work.  

[Maggie]

@eth  I have no helpful words of wisdom to offer, other than you are a shining light around here. We all have our unique issues/labels, or whatever they are, to deal with. All we can give is our best.

Sending this to brighten a tiny corner of you day. Hang in there. 💕💜

[eth]

Thanks for your support @Appleblossom  and @Maggie  it's much appreciated.

Today is the big day ... I start my driving lessons this morning.  I have that 'calm before the storm' feeling - all I can do is be ready on time and take it one minute at a time while I'm doing it.  The fear of freaking out is high, but I will have my support worker with me as well as the instructor (she's coming because I don't want to go alone with a male I don't know).  The worst that can happen is that I ask them to bring me home.  I wish I was excited about it.  Have been trying to picture myself doing it without spinning out from anxiety,  hypervigilant and full of 'what ifs' when a passenger, but feel a sense of disbelief when I do so.  I just have to remember to breathe and get through it and hopefully it will get easier over time.  7 lessons between now and Christmas, most of them 1 1/2 hours, and the OT thinks that will be enough for me.  I hope so too.

[eth]

Hi again @Appleblossom  have read a post from you on another thread.  I really hope last night was peaceful for you and that son's moving out is going smoothly.  And that the 'new boundaries for all' really work for you xx

[eth]

Hi @greenpea  hope you had a better night and are able to feel refreshed this morning.

[CheerBear]

Hi @eth. Just catching a couple of posts here and there and wanting to offer you some ❤. I hope you're able to bounce back from the experiences you've had entering in to peer support and not allow it to shake your confidence too much.

I find my peer support work (which is kind of counselling with a peer support focus) such meaningful way of using my experiences for 'good' and I'm guessing that may be important to you too. I've had a couple of experiences where I've felt the pang of missing the mark or not feeling the connection or a match in meeting a person where they are at (not saying that any of those things happened for you necessarily but they have been there for me). It can feel quite shaky at the time and can take some time and some intentional letting go while holding on to the knowledge that I did my best and it just happens at times. I also like to think that I learn from these experiences and that like everything, it's a journey that can be wonky at times. Hope you keep swimming through it eth ❤

Best wishes with the driving today. I found driving super scary when I started venturing out and about but now (years later) it's liberating and I'm really glad I kept at it.

Hugs x

[eth]

Hi @CheerBear   thanks enormously for your reflections and encouragement.  Much appreciated.  MUCH!!

Re : the driving - I still have an open licence and am ok with the mechanics of driving,  it's everything going on outside the car that stresses me.  Plus one time I actually blacked out while driving and woke up still doing 80 with traffic either side of me.  A total miracle that I didn't hurt myself or someone else.  So I'm afraid of how the level of anxiety might affect me, scared of dissociating at the wheel, or getting tunnel vision which can happen when I'm hypervigilant.  Still, best I stop naming the fears at this stage I guess.  Support worker here in an hour and then lesson will start by 10 with the instructor.  I'm so glad sw is coming, she's really good at reminding me I'm safe and re-centering me.

[CheerBear]

Anytime @eth ❤ You are and will continue to be fab.

So hear you above and similar things went on for me too (and yep, perhaps not such a good idea to name it all right now). I became an expert in "I can feel my hands on the wheel, my feet in my shoes, the sun on my right arm etc." 😉🙂 Anything that helps. Really glad you have someone coming who sounds very supportive and helpful. Big breaths ❤

I'm off for a drive I didn't think I'd ever be able to do, to my gig now. Will think of you on my way there, channeling those hopes for you.

👋

[eth]

  @CheerBear  xx