07-01-2021 06:54 PM
07-01-2021 06:54 PM
To be expected poor kid. Glad he's out and home probably being spoilt with a yummy dinner @Emelia8 .
How are you sweetheart, I haven't been able to search I'm really tired tonight, are you ok?
07-01-2021 07:36 PM - edited 08-01-2021 07:27 AM
07-01-2021 07:36 PM - edited 08-01-2021 07:27 AM
@Anastasia 😔💞
Today's been another difficult day MyBoy. Not even sure why ... should I blame the toxic white pills? Its my last 'free' day where I have no appointments or other commitments, for at least the next month. And yet ... I've done nothing. Just a waste of a day really. Been highly emotional too ... being doused in a flood of tears first thing this morning and several times since. Just feeling really down.
I was notified by the cancer institute this afternoon of the appointment time for my first session of radiation therapy next Tuesday. Its a bit earlier than I'd hoped. I'll need to leave home about 8am in order to be there for my 9.30am session.
I'm so tired of the side effects of these little chemo pills. The early effects ... headaches, nausea, diarrhoea, dizziness, cough, joint aches ... are not resolving. And I can now add some extras as well, as I get further into the regime. Sleeping is more difficult than ever, I find myself more and more anxious and depressed and I'm feeling so very fatigued all the time.
And now my eyes are troubling me for no obvious reason. I looked up the medication side effects and have discovered that ... hell yeah ... eyesight deterioration is an added extra 👀 You get a lot in a very small package! My blood pressure has gone up significantly too. Not a big problem yet I guess, because its normally very low.
And hair loss ... I didnt know I had so much damned hair! Its coming out by the handful ... every time I brush it or wash it. And all day long I'm picking up fallen hair all over the house. At this rate, I wont have any left within a month.
There isnt much I like about my physical self. I used to have a nice neat trim figure ... now I'm lopsided and warped as a result of my surgery. If I'm not lopsided, its because I'm packed full of filler to make it look like I'm even. And I used to like my long thick (once red/auburn but now gold/silver/brown/white) hair ... and now that too is being taken away. So unfair!
These chemo meds are poisoning me. Yes they may be targeting the cancer cells ... but they are poisoning ME in the process. I promised the medical oncologist that I would give them a try in the hope that side effects may be sufferable or manageable. Its different for everyone ... some people experience very few, others cop the lot. I'm not sure I can do it any more. Unsure if its all worth it. Perhaps I'd rather take my chances with the cancer.
My oncologist's receptionist rang me yesterday to make another appointment. I guess the oncologist wants to see how I'm going with the medication. I see no other reason why she wants to see me so soon after last time. Maybe I'll keep taking this innocuous looking tiny white pill until I see her next month. But unless some of these side effects reduce substantially ... I'll be telling her to stick her toxic little pills.
I have so many appointments stacking up ... not just mine, but hubbys too ... and I'm beginning to feel completely overwhelmed by it all.
I'm sorry you're really tired. Its been a hectic week for you with doing two jobs. Is tomorrow an office day or a work from home day? I hope you can have a quiet evening tonight where you can recoup a bit of spent energy.
Sending you love.
Edit: For info @NatureLover 💕
Emelia 💞
07-01-2021 08:09 PM - edited 07-01-2021 08:21 PM
07-01-2021 08:09 PM - edited 07-01-2021 08:21 PM
Oh Em,
Not a wasted day a day of rest that you obviously need. I'm just sorry you spent some of it crying 😔
You say not sure why, oh Em you have endless reasons to be feeling the way your are, too many to list. Please go easy on yourself 😘
Gosh that is an early start for you next week. I guess in the upside traffic should be kind to you. You're still staying locally I hope? So that you only have the drive each end? How many days are you there for? I'm sorry if you've told me and I haven't remembered this detail.
Those white tablets sound dreadful, so many side effects for all the right reasons but *sigh I feel for you. It's all so unfair really. This will sound funny but you could have two heads and you'd still be beautiful. Your soul and heart are so pure. I know that won't diminish how you feel and I understand that and I'm sorry because I wouldn't like any of those things to happen so I hear you @Emelia8.
All your appointments oh Em. My Dad was run off his feet and when the Dr decided to give him a break he and Mum were over the moon to be able to have their lives back so to speak. With hubby's appointments too, I can imagine there won't be much time to smell any roses. I'm not at all surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed. 😔
Thank you for your lovely comments around me being tired. I'm back in the office as I need to be for the additional role but it does make for extra long days. I'm very pleased it's Friday tomorrow.
We had Thai for dinner tonight and I had you here in spirit as I know you love it too. Pad See Ewe. Very yummy, here's your share Em to have when you feel like it, I hope you enjoy. 🎁
Love you more my dear friend 🙏🤗💪✔️💞
I hope tonight is good to you 🤞💐☕💤
07-01-2021 09:31 PM - edited 08-01-2021 12:56 PM
07-01-2021 09:31 PM - edited 08-01-2021 12:56 PM
@Anastasia 🌹😍
No, I will be travelling to and from the cancer institute daily for my radiation next week. I thought given its only 3 days the first week, I should be okay to drive each day. I have a DEXA scan on Monday. Radiation Tues to Thus, and Fri no treatment as its an equipment maintenance day.
The following week will be 5 days though, and they tell me fatigue and soreness will be hitting by then. So thats when Ive booked into hospital accommodation for 3 nights.
The following week is broken up with Aust Day public hokiday, so I will see how I feel then.
The last week is only Mon to Wed.
Regarding the little white pills ... did I mention that reduced memory retention is also a very common side effect, along with decreased ability to concentrate? A good memory used to be one of my strengths. 😔 Breast cancer comes at a very high cost. 💔
Thank you for the lovely things you said of me, you are very kind. I wish they were true.
Yes, thats right, there will be no time for smelling the roses. Certainly not over the next month at least.
Bit worried today ... hubbys friend, who is going with him to visit my stepson and family 6 hrs North of here, has COVID symptoms and had a test this morning. I think its highly unlikely he has it, but you never know. If he is positive, he wont be able to drive hubby North, nor even take care of him here. Which would mean I need to make alternative arrangements. Will hopefully know tomorrow.
Oh what good news about what was finalised for your boy today. I bet he's happy? Regarding my nephew, he rang his boss yesterday after he came out of surgery. The workshop closes for a couple of weeks after xmas, so he wasnt due back to work until next Monday. Anyway, his boss said he would keep his job open for him. So his apprenticeship is still happening thankfully. He is in his second year now. His boss must be very patient and understanding, thats all I can say. Because he was only back a few weeks after his last accident, and now he's off again. Likely another 8 weeks. And due to this clavical plate being very thick because of the type of break ... he will need another operation later to have it removed.
Sounds like long hectic work days for you. I'm sure Friday cant come quick enough. Then its only another week I think, of covering for your workmate.
Any idea when your deferred road trip may take place? I know it was originally meant to be while you were on leave. But perhaps it could be a weekend away now?
Yummy Thai tucker ... thank you. Better than the frozen dinner I served up today. Hubby went to the pub this arvo with mates for a few beers. He came home in a foul mood and had a temper tantrum coz he thought he had put a couple of winning bets on his racing tab account. Unfortunately I raised his considerable ire when I had to inform him that he had not completed the transactions, and therefore he had won nothing. 😳 So Im staying clear of him for a bit. He is still raging. 😡
Better go. Might watch something on tele. Will say good night. And a very big thank you.
Emelia 💞💞
07-01-2021 09:31 PM
07-01-2021 09:31 PM
07-01-2021 10:06 PM
07-01-2021 10:06 PM
07-01-2021 10:18 PM
07-01-2021 10:18 PM
@Emelia8 Just having a catch up from today before crawling into bed. Really feeling for you, heartbroken for you. I hate that you are going through this and it all sounds so difficult and overwhelming and by the sounds of it very much on your own. I don’t really have anything to say sadly, but I just wanted you to truly know how sorry I am that this is the journey that you are on at the moment and acknowledge that it’s shitty and not fair. I pray that the side effects of those little white pills become much less for you over the coming days and that the radiotherapy doesn’t knock you around to much, I know that you will be staying there some nights, but will you be making the drive on your own?
I hate that there isn’t anything else that I can do. Please stay strong Em
08-01-2021 10:38 AM
08-01-2021 10:38 AM
Thinking of you @Emelia8 & sending positive wishes for a kinder day for you 💖❣️
08-01-2021 12:46 PM
08-01-2021 12:46 PM
I’ve just read through your posts @Emelia8 and must apologise for being so far behind with your news.
I am so sorry the days are tough for you with this awful treatment. I truly hope the support you are receiving here helps to sustain you each day in this journey.
You are a beautiful kindhearted person and deserve better.
Lots of loving cuddles
💖🤗💖🤗💖
08-01-2021 10:06 PM
08-01-2021 10:06 PM
@Emelia8
Hello beautiful Em...finally an opportunity to write back... Oh my goodness I was not aware you would be driving the distance there and back each day. 😔
In a perfect world I'd take you.
For memory it did take a couple of treatments before Dad started to really have the side effects start to rear themselves so I am glad you have booked the accommodation for week 2, I think that is very sensible hun. 🙏🤗💞
Regarding the little white pills ... did I mention that reduced memory retention is also a very common side effect, along with decreased ability to concentrate? A good memory used to be one of my strengths. 😔 Breast cancer comes at a very high cost. 💔
Yes it certainly does in so many ways that had not occured to me. Funny I can't recall you mentioning that. My memory is not what it used to be and I need to write things down. When colleagues at work grab me mid running around and ask me to order something or look for something or book them something I always say email me or I won't remember. (It could be an hour before I'm back at my desk) I'm so sorry so it has impacted so many things Em, especially when they are so noticeable such as your memory and beautiful hair 😔
Thank you for the lovely things you said of me, you are very kind. I wish they were true.
They are true, please repeat after me... I am awesome, loveable, special, unique, amazing, fabulous, kind, giving, compassionate, generous gosh the list goes on it really is endless xxx
Bit worried today ... hubbys friend, who is going with him to visit my stepson and family 6 hrs North of here, has COVID symptoms and had a test this morning. I think its highly unlikely he has it, but you never know. If he is positive, he wont be able to drive hubby North, nor even take care of him here. Which would mean I need to make alternative arrangements. Will hopefully know tomorrow.
That is not good Em...any update?
Oh what good news about what was finalised for your boy today.
Thank you xxx
Such wonderful news about your nephew's apprenticeship. How is your nephew today, sore I bet? Hope he's doing ok 🤗🙏
Any idea when your deferred road trip may take place? I know it was originally meant to be while you were on leave. But perhaps it could be a weekend away now?
Oh I honestly don't know. I'd love to go in two weeks how amazing would that be! 😉
Oh Em I hope your night wasn't too badly affected and that you were able to lay low and stay safe!? Gosh I wish I could wrap you up in cotton wool and look after you.
So Em...how bout today, I've seen you tagged on L's thread but not alot of commenting...are you ok?
I am aware it's a day closer to the dreaded month and also a day closer to next week when you start your treatment so I can only imagine as it all draws closer it becomes harder to deal with. If you need me I'm here?
I think I will need to head to bed in about half an hour but am hoping you're still around.
Love you beautiful girl 😍
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