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chloe56
New Contributor

need advice

Hi my name is chloe i have bpd i can not seek help for it due to child protection taking my children due to depression so i can not let them find out about bpd so i need some help with some coping mechanism and to just not feel alone. I am very reactive to percieved critism ie last night i was playing cards with my partner he said you dont help yourself ( apparently he meant it in a postiive way he menat nothing bad) i started crying i went red in the face due to intense feelings i was half yelling at him why do you think im menatally unstable for and all these words came spilling out of my mouth i literally saw my partner as all bad and extrmely arguementive where earlier in the day i saw him as amazing and very caring after i had calmed down and he explained he meant that in the card game he helped me and i helped him thats all he meant i started staring at the floor in shame then the self loathing and the pushing away started, I started saying things like you dont even care about me he responded yes i do i said no you dont. Then i said so why are you away from me if you care ( meaning he isnt hugging me ie hes physically away from me) then after we resloved that i started saying you cant be with me anyway he asked why i said becuase i have borderline and people with borderline are bad well thats what society says then after that i started saying why dont you find someone better than me to be with. After all that i became extremely clingy to him and didnt want him to leave my side.

 

Does anyone else go through something similiar 

1 REPLY 1
Margot
Senior Contributor

Re: need advice

Hi @chloe56

Im Margot, one of the Community Managers here. Nice to meet you. 

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you. BPD can certainly have an impact on our interpersoanl relationships. It sounds like you're really reflective on things and keen to learn new ways of coping. I'm really glad you found your way to the forums for support. 

Sounds like you're quite anxious about help seeking due to concerns for the impact it might have on the custody of your children, have I got that right? That's a stressful space to be in. I wonder whether seeking support or your mental health might be useful in helping you to connect with your kids. In the meantime, if you'd like some one on one counselling support, you can contact services like Lifeline on 13 11 14.  

Lots of our members have a lived experience of BPD and I'm sure they can relate and share their wisdom with you. If you’re interested in learning more about coping with BPD (or other topics), you can use the search function to look up some other posts that might relate to your experience. You might like to introduce yourself to the community here if you feel up to it too.

Wish you all the best @chloe56 🐼

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