Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

So my battery went flat early last night. But there are certain times you can hand in your phone to be charged in the nurses office or picked up from the nurses office - 4 times a day for 15 minutes only. 

So I'm getting tired last night at 9pm so I asked Anker if he could plug in my phone. 

"UTOPIA!!!! You know the rules. You have to wait til 10.30pm. I said, I need to go to bed now & I want my ph charged by the morning. 

Anker said if I break the rules for you I'll have a flood of people wanting me to do it for them too.

I said "bullshite - I'm the only one that plugs in at the nurses station because I'm the only one who doesn't have leave to go to the f***ing shop and buy one. This is just shite". And I went to bed. I'd turned out my light and was putting in my ear buds (my room mate snores badly) when Anker sticks his head in the door and says, you've got new meds to take tonight. Come on.

I said " not doing it. It's outside of the med dispensing hour so p off".

He finished his shift. I was in my room writing a long letter to my psychiatrist about these rules that don't benefit anyone and that obviously Anker votes for the Liberal Party. Then I went on to write how hard it is to live in this world where Australia sticks up for Israel.  Vic Forest cuts down the trees on my mountain killing the last few Greater Gliders (an endangered species).

How the world is all about greed and profit and hate.

So he should give me a reason why I should stick around in a world that doesn't care for people. Who shun and hurt the most vulnerable. 

The night nurse gave me an envelope and put it in the front of my file.  Now to wait and see what he says.

Anker is not on shift today. Think he might have taken a psych day. Lol

[Zoe7]

Anker will be in there right beside you if he thinks he can win the 'Utopia Wars' @utopia lol

My money is definitely on you my little cocky friend 

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Anker pulled a double shift yesterday so hopefully he gets the full day off.

I'm so tired - due to being stubborn and not taking those meds last night. So I really only punished myself. 

Miserable day

[Zoe7]

oh dear @utopia stubborness does have its drawbacks 

Are there any groups for you today?

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

Are they deliberately trying to drive you crazy in thereNow I am beginning to understand the meaning of the funny farm - my stars - all these piddling little rules - how is anyone expected to recover with all these hindrances?

I am counting them up - 

Cigarette rules

Going outside rules

How many calming tablets

No help for your BP 

Nothing to use in the washing machine (allergies)

No sleeping tablets after a certain time

Rules about when you can charge your phone

I am sure I have missed some - I can't help thinking that this is a form of hell

I have been in a psych clinic too but I was a non-smoker - and there was no such thing as mobile phones - and the phones there were so busy it was hard to use one - I remember arguing with the nurses about things that made no sense to me

This made me wonder if it was possible to lose my marbles - I never stayed long - it seemed to me at times that some of the nurses were out to maintain a power trip with vulnerable people - if I hadn't been sure I was the only sane person in the world it would have been a nightmare

But now I know people can be really crushed by such domineering behaviour - 

I'm on your side - I would get you a charger in double time Utopia - if I could - I wish things were easier for you there - you seem very vulnerable and it seems you are not being given a fair go

Sending my best thoughts and at the same time I feel as if this is not enough

Dec

[Margot]

Things are so diffiucult and exhausting for you right now @utopia You're doing well to be honest with the staff about how you're feeling and it's important to keep letting them know about the thoughts of suicide. It's so difficult to manage everything that's going on for you right now @utopia but you'll find your way back to your usual self in time. As a heads up, we've sent you an email too. 

Look after yourself today. One step at a time. Moment by moment 🌻

[utopia]

Got  a full nights sleep last night. 

Psych has reduced my anti depressants, made my PRN sleeper a regular med plus an anti psychotic and a mood stabaliser and another anti psychotic.  One designed more specifically to manage/treat my anger.

But got sleep. Was first good sleep in months.

Bad call from mum last night - the "you're selfish - you're not trying hard enough to get better etc". Almost as much fun as hearing, just decide to be happy. Lol. So I hung up on her.

Just found out why my centrelink payment has dropped to $114 a fortnight - instead of my usual $260 odd a fortnight.

Because my son is 16 - he is not dependent on me - so I should be working.  The CentrdLink system doesn't recognise that you have a medical exemption from working due to illness. My case manager has been trying to find a loophole - but has come up blank.

My psychiatrist said how will you live on $114 a week? I said it's $114 a fortnight. And he says, you'll have to find a way to make it work. Wow. Helpful. Not.

Hope everyone is having as good a time as possible. 

[Appleblossom]

Good about the sleep.

about Centrelink and impossible expectations.

[Zoe7]

wow @utopia neither your Mum or psychiatrist are at all helpful. Your mum just does not understand at all - very frustrating - no wonder you hung up!

Sorry your payment has decreased by so much - how the hell is anyone supposed to live off that - that is ridiculous Hon  I hope your case manager can sort something out for you.

So pleased you got a full nights sleep - it makes such a difference. Hoping tonight is the same for you.

Love and hugs 

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia good news on your sleep but bad news on your Centrelink payments. Can you go on disability payments or is that what you’re on??

thinking of you ❤️❤️