Its great?

[Frog_slayer]

• I really love my life. I have great friends and community. A great job. All of that. But im frequeantly suicidal and have no reason to be. 
• Whats some advice if i dont want to talk to people.

[tyme]

Hey @Frog_slayer ,

You're not alone! I have that too!

I've been like that for years and I used to think something was 'wrong'. Then working with my psych, I gradually accepted that it's part of my condition.

Do I still love life? Yes!

Do I have any reason to be suicidal? No!

What I found is that the longer I was concerned about having the thoughts, the more prominant they became. What are your thoughts? @Frog_slayer 

[AlwaysMyself]

Hey @Frog_slayer ,

Its good to hear you like life, despite having thoughts about suicide still.

Do you have any idea of what trigfers the thoughts? Are there any "reasons" behind the thoughts when they pop into your mind?

I have a long history of suicidal thoughts, but they are alongside a lack of liking life. However i do recall a period of time where I had thoughts of suicide invading my mind so often even when i didn't feel unhappy -- and it felt weird to have a non-emotional impulse towards it. I don't really know *why* this was occuring, but the thoughts would come any time i saw *anything* even vagurly related to a possible method (i couldnt even walk down a road without multiple thoughts!)

Thankfully what did the trick for me on that situation was some anti-psychotic medications that are also used for OCD. I'm not diagnosed with either of those conditions (only depression), but whatever it was that acted for OCD thinking also helped with my repetitive intrusive thoughts of suicide.

@tyme i'm wondering if you still find having intrusove thoughts of suicide distressing at times? Or how you find best to "acknowledge and move on" the thoughts? 🤔 

(Sometimes i am able to say to myself "yeah i hear you, but i'm not going to" and that is enough. But other times its not enough to get my brain to move on!)

[Frog_slayer]

Its always very random with no triggers. I will just become extremely depressed for weeks/months on end. Sometimes i just want a break. The sweet release of nothingless. But i try to remind myself that its an episode that has and will pass eventually. But when ur deep in it, logic and reason takes the back seat. 

[Jynx]

Logic and reason can absolutely take a back seat hey @Frog_slayer - which is totally normal by the way. When our brains are in 'survival-mode' they shut down some of our 'higher functions' (i.e. logic, reasoning, decision-making, and being able to see different perspectives can all be impacted). 

This is why safety plans can be so important, they are reminders of what our options are, reminders of what we can hold onto in those dark hours. Don't have to sit there whilst in complete overwhelm and try to figure out what we can do if it's already written down!

Have you ever made one? 

The community is here for you 😊

[tyme]

Hey @AlwaysMyself ,

Sorry, I haven't responded. As for your question about chronic SI, I never find them distressing anymore. I used to, but after working with my psych, he told me that it is part of my condition. The whole time, I used to think something was 'wrong' with me that I always 'saw' death. Nowadays, it it there, but it takes a back seat and I don't get distressed over it anymore.

From time to time, it might come to the front seat, but I can work with it and get it to back seat of my brain.

So long story short, no. I don't find chronic SI distressing - anymore. 

But definitely, it used to be very very distressing. I used to question, "Why is my brain like this?!?!?"