Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Sorry @amber22 just saw your reply.

I don't know, i should be happy.  we moved to a new house which i like; my daughter got engaged on christmas day which surprised us and we are happy.

but - there is something that is not me; i am not happy about something.    It's like, in my head, there has to be a reason to be happy.  It's like i can't be happy for too long.  i am not sure tthis is making any sense.

my mind is telling me lots of negative things like smash that cake i made on the floor; because why eat it i will put more weight on. punch some walls; telling me to just do whatever it takes to disappear, to hurt myself.

i am safe for now; 

i feel on edge; my mum hung up on me last week (boxing day) and haven't spoken since and won't either.  i can't sleep, i wake up very early.  i am desperate to lose weight. everything feels horrible.

i have back pain at the moment

it really doesn't matter - i am complaining 

everyone else have issues more than me 

[amber22]

Hey there @BlueBay , sorry about my late reply. 

Firstly, congratulations on moving house, and so happy for your daughter getting engaged on Christmas! 

I also just wanted to normalise how truely okay it is to feel this way that you are feeling. There is no need to apologise, it is totally okay to be feeling like this. Have you been looking after yourself and having some time to fill your cup? Or do you know what may have triggered this to happen? 

I am here to ride this wave out with you, 

Looking forward to connecting again,

Amber22

[Eve7]

Today, I want to give up and just disappear from this life.

I never thought I would outlive my h and it seems so wrong that he went first.

on this day I lost my h of 34 years and every year when this day comes around it is never any easier. I want to join him.

[Snowie]

I was ignored, betrayed, silenced. No different now.

I live a life of suffering, rejected, not believed.

No life at all.

[Snowie]

My safe place is no more. 

I just hurt inside and out

[outlander]

why is it always my responsibility to make sure things are running properly. my entire life seems to revolve around when i dont have to have so many family things on.
cant take shifts because it doesnt line up with the family. get in trouble for making purchases and needing to work for it because it doesnt suit the family.

[Eve7]

I want to fly high with an eagle and leave all this :pile_of_poo: behind.

Just run, jump and fly…

[Delicatessen]

I had a coffee with an old friend. Told her about some of my journey. Specifically treatment related to my mental health. The conversation went around a bit and I told her in very broad terms how I’d benefitted from the tools I’d been given and some insight. I did not give her any details other than that. She disclosed some thoughts about herself, but then launched at me for “telling” or “suggesting” she needed help. Went on a tirade for around 30mins. Went backwards and forwards..saying she needed help then in the next breath not. I felt like she’d just stomped all over me by the end of it. We “hugged” when we parted, but I’d pretty much decided I wouldn’t see her any more by then. Lesson to everyone - decisions to disclose information such as this (which happens to be incredibly personal) should not be taken lightly. It’s entirely possible that it may not be safe. 

[TAB]

@Former-Member  

[Former-Member]

Ok, venting just seems like procrastinating on some effective coping techniques that would remind me of a bigger picture.. but ..

Or maybe it is.. still.. 

I know the importance of self care but I am obsessed with the meaning of some of what happens at stressful times - the thoughts and emotions - why those ones in particular , like is it a cue on existence.. so far it’s a signal that things are stressful or unhappy 

I have a decent idea of a way forward (like plans to do EmDR) but between temptations, insecurities and hurt, it’s a bit muddled up right now