Looking after ourselves
Hi @CheerBear 
This is an excellent and thought-provoking thread you've started! As you are reflecting, life isn't black-and-white. Thus, it can be 100% normal to tussle within oneself around competing values, needs, ideas, ect. The truth is that sometimes there isn't an ideal solution/the right answer because, no matter how much you introspect, you can continue to find reasons for either choice. Additionally, this is further complicated by the concept of time and how people naturally and sometimes quite adaptively change across time; whereby, one choice may be a better fit verses another at a certain time-point.
It is good to keep discussions like this going - even if there isn't a clear answer. Continued conversations around internal conflict helps us to remain mindful and conscious human beings!
Amour_Et_Psyché
Hi to anyone following along 👋🏻. I dumped that worksheet and ran the other day as I was busy but have been meaning to get back here. My experiences with value conflicts have been many. It’s something I struggle with hugely, possibly because I don’t feel like the same person everyday so I can have a different solution every day 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:.
ive worked through values a few times in therapy. When I was first with my therapist she was very much into ACT. We talked about values then and I read and read and learned a bit from Russ Harris.
The next time I looked at values and possibly understood them more was when I did the 'Flourish' course through NEAMI. We had to narrow our core values which was a really interesting activity. I also learned that our core values can change over time. Thinking about it now has helped me realise that perhaps the ones I had back then are still my core values now.
In DBT we discussed them a bit too.
So how to solve that internal conflict dilemma? I actually still have no idea. It creates a big mind muddle for me. But what I know is that it may not be a fixed thing. I don’t think it has to be black and white. Here are some of my thoughts based on my experiences.
I think that there are ways to look at it. We can do the logical thing and work through the DBT sheet I put up or a weighted pros and cons list. We can try to listen to our gut. We can talk it through with others. I think the hardest part is to settle with which value is more important at the time.
One of the the things I’ve been struggling with lots at the moment is the value of autonomy which is clashing with my real life need for help from others at the moment. It’s causing lots of heart ache and brain ache. I think values and goals can get confusing too. My understanding is that goals are made that support your values.
Im putting these lists here of values as it helped me this morning. In my psych session yesterday we kind of discussed my current contradictory behaviours. This morning I realised there is partly value conflicts as well.
It’s always complex to work through these.
PS my after thought....I think it’s interesting to look at values conflicts from an internal and external perspective. For me the internal ones are the hardest. I can work out external ones through a more logical process. I like the clarifying goals for external conflicts.
